Phone Calls

[ragingbull1]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now, and I noticed recently that she met a new guy friend at work. He is a manager (although not her manager but of another department) and he is getting awfully close. I know that she wouldn't ever do anything with him or anything, but she admits that he is probably just trying to get with her. My issue is that he calls her every so often (once a week or so) at midnight and sometimes later, and last night, she was talking on the phone with him for about an hour around midnight. I have no problem with her leading him on because I think he's scum, but am I right to tell her not to talk to him that late at night and for so long? I feel that talking to him that late is really just like giving him permission to call and talk that late and that he is getting quite close to my girlfriend.

I don't want her to not have this guy as a friend, but I think what she is doing is just taking it too far. Am I right?

[Brandye]

It is up to her to handle this stuff. You may gently suggest that the next time she is called at midnight a good answer may be, "I am getting laid. I'll call you tomorrow."

[ragingbull1]

I don't understand - what exactly do you mean?

Don't you think it is a little bit weird that she is talking to another guy until midnight and for an hour? That gives him the notion that he is allowed to do that - and he's not, he's trying to move in on my girlfriend and it is almost like she is letting him.

Don't get me wrong - I have no problem with them being friends, but I think it is really weird that they talk that late and text message back and forth every so often. I know it is mostly his fault and it may be fun to lead him on but there is a line to be drawn between leading him on and letting him do what he is doing and giving him a sign that he can do it whenever he wants.

[dancingdoc2]

> I don't understand - what exactly do you mean?

YES! we agree with you.

Now, please read the good doctor's suggestion, again, and pass along the suggestion to your girlfriend as a possible course of action.

What part don't you understand? Don't you think that if a guy called and was informed that the person was getting laid that (a) he might think twice before calling at that hour again; and (b), that if she is getting some lovin', it is by someone she cares more about than him?

[ragingbull1]

Reasonably, she wouldn't do that. She is very conservative and wouldn't say something like that. My question really is if it is my place to ask her to tell him that she is not interested or maybe even just not talk to him that late for so long which gives him the idea that he has the right to do so.

[dancingdoc2]

As Brandye stated:

" It is up to her to handle this stuff. "

[sera300]

She can state it very politely to him if she wishes..."My b/f and I are sharing sometime and these calls are intruding on my personal life". PERIOD, she does not owe him any further explanation...

Much like in the singles game; "I have plans, thank you" is implying "I am busy & you are not ranking super high on my priority list right now". Yet, it does not mean you are on a date or out with a friend since its not the others place to ask or question. You have chosen not to share your plans with the other...Add to that statement "perhaps another time?" and you may get another offer...if either are "interested". It's just a politeness extended...

[Brandye]

Thank you, Doc and sera, for the clarification. I thought I was being quite cute!

And, Bull, if she does not handle it in some way, you are wasting your time with her.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Brandye

Thank you, Doc and sera, for the clarification. I thought I was being quite cute!

And, Bull, if she does not handle it in some way, you are wasting your time with her.

You were being to the real point! I got a good laugh at it...and would most likely have said just that if it was me who had someone pestering me!