Dating a New (inexperienced) Girl

[Mr.]

Hey all. I've perused these forums for quite a while, but haven't posted until now. Any advice would be appreciated. Also, let me know if this is more appropriate for "new to sex".

I'm essentially looking for advice on how to be as supportive and helpful to my relatively inexperienced girlfriend. We've been dating for about 6 weeks, and have only been sleeping together for about 2 weeks. She's in her early 20's while I'm in my early/mid 20's. She's never been in a relationship or extended sexual relationship whereas I've been in 2 previous relationships of note.

My previous partners have had greater or equal experience in the bedroom, so I'm inexperienced (hardy har) in how best to be supportive of her. I have a great time with her both in and out of the bedroom and have tried to emphasize that to her that I won't become "bored" (her words) and break up with her.

We've known each other for quite some time but have only recently re-connected after being out of touch. I'm a big fan of hers and again we have a great time, however her insecurities are affecting me.

One issue is I cannot determine when/if I can talk about sex and experience. Although she's brought up the issue, my sense is she is wrapped up in her concerns regarding inexperience and thus locks up. I've tried talking about it to simply letting it be. Whether it's gingerly stepping around the issue or talking about it directly, she becomes very sensitive and locks up.

She's also uncomfortable with the attention I give her as well to the point where she tells me to simply stop "worrying" about her. Of course I want her to climax and enjoy herself! She's never climaxed with a guy before, so I do my best to give good oral and have suggested bringing in her vibrator. Again, bringing in the vibrator or having any sort of frank talk she becomes self-conscious. She's self-conscious/confused when I ask her what she'd like!

I don't feel as if I'm being very eloquent, or fair to her perhaps. Frustrated with myself I suppose and am trying to do what I can. My thinking is to simply divert attention/energy towards everything else outside of the bedroom and let her get more comfortable in the bedroom. I go back and forth between being patient and wanting to take the lead. That's another thing as well, I want us to go back and forth leading, rather than just myself.

Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated. Please be honest/candid if I have flawed thinking/approach.

[sera300]

est I can say is get her to read around the board or get a good book such as the joy of sex...or a DVD series you can watch together...bettersex.com. They are tasteful and pretty truthful. They serve as a tutorial.

Beyond this you cannot do much more then compliment her on what she does great or suggest doing something different while she is in the mood. If she is that closed, it's a difficult topic to bring up.

Discussing past partners? NEVER DO IT!

[EvilEvilKitten]

How to be supportive of a young woman who has not yet accepted her sexuality?

Follow the steps in these two 'sticky posts': Body Worship and The Program.

With her, you stop when she says stop, even if it appears she's enjoying it. No pressuring her. Why not? Because she's doing that to herself already hence her 'locking up' during discussions. Just let her see that you think she's cute and that you're willing to wait for her to 'catch up'.

But every time for you two enjoy sex - move one step further along The Program or one bit further during Body Worship. Until she says stop. keep mental notes of how far each time. Don't tell her.

Encourage her to 'take charge' from time to time by lying there and having her do all the work. Dance naked before her - just out of reach- when she's busy - and saying Nyah nyah! while you wave your penis at her. Teasing her. Bug the hell out of her! You want to get that exasperated sigh and the rolling of the eyes and, finally, her to laugh! If you can get her to chase you down the hallway to your bed - congrats!


Make sex FUN & JOYOUS!

[Mr.]

Thanks for the advice, good stuff. Yes, I definitely know to NOT discuss details of past partners. I've been in the position of hearing too much and it messed with my head. I know better.

Enjoy the play time in the bedroom! Or the kitchen ...