He Changed Overnight!

[AJinlove]

I have been dating this man, Joseph, for the past few months. We have been friends for over a year. Good friends. Joseph and I broke up yesterday. It was weird because he had all these reasons that didn't make much sense. He said I got too jealous and I acted like we were in a serious relationship. Well I only asked him about a girl who posts stuff on his Myspace one time, and I wasn't even bitchy about it. I just asked and told him I was uncomfortable with some of the stuff she said, and he got all offended for reasons unknown to me. And if I had any misconceptions about the seriousness of our relationship, it's because he led me on. He told me he loved me, he didn't want to be with anyone other than me, he was happy to be around me, I am his sanity... I knew we were not bf/gf, and told him alot that he is my best friend, nothing else! He is the one who said, "If you ever move in..."

And he is like, "I really don't see myself in another serious relationship" apparently ever. And I am thinking why didn't he tell me that? He said on his friends Myspace, "I had all but given up on relationships but then I met a wonderful woman..." It is just so confusing. He is contradicting himself.

It's like overnight he doesn't care about me at all. These last few weeks he stared avoiding me. When he once called or texted everyday, it dwindled down to nothing. He doesn't call or text me for days, he doesn't email me at work anymore. I am just shocked at this reversal. And he doesn't even want to try. He just wants to end it cold turkey, not even date anymore.

Just a while back he said "Just know that I am happy when I am with you. That you satisfy me. I have no want for anyone or anything else when I am with you. I am happy to be around you. I am happy to see you. " Direct quote. And he who said we should run away together... Now he just seems to avoid me, and wants to stop seeing me. I am really confused. I don't know whether I should confront him and ask him if any of what he said was true, or just ignore him and let him come to me.

[AJinlove]

Also, an email from him:
"Well as you describe you state you just want to be friends and date. Yet you do have allot of jealousy. You have a conflict within your own words. What you described last night was dangerously close to friends with benefits. That has me weary. If it's nothing of the sort in regards to boyfriend and girlfriend yet is not friends with benefits, then what is it? Why I felt it was moving fast was due to the fact that you get jealous as the drop of a hat, and that it seemed that it was plowing along toward a serious relationship at an ultra fast rate. Looking at what is between us from the view of a third person is what appears to be a semi relationship. It's not just dating due to these strong feelings you have. I am not saying I don't have feelings. It worries me that I am going to hurt you. I understand your concern about me having an ex at my house. You have a strong interest in me. And yeah there is a possibility that for some reason there may be a spark. There is not one now but I am not saying there will not be one. The future is a great unknown. I am not planning on any feelings nor hoping for any. I am human though and thus faulted by nature. Sadly I do need the help more for the kids than anyone. I can't make promises for the future. For anything. Be it you and me, me and her or anything. I honestly feel that what is between us is a serious relationship with the mask of dating placed on it. For dating there are some really strong feelings there from you. And again you're human like I am.

And for what I said about serious relationships and the future. I honestly don't forsee any type of a serious relationship in my future. I have faults that I don't see me overcoming. Those faults will end a relationship. I am an annoying person to get along with. I understand that you like me. You like being around me. You have had a small taste of what can make me annoying to be with. There is much more. Now imagine living with a person day in and day out. It would get really old really quick.

I have looked at a long term relationship between you and I. I can see arguments. You have a temper and I do as well. The Latin blood in us would cause allot of static between us in the terms of living together, boyfriend girlfriend and such."

He seems to think he will know that I will get tired of him. How can he say that? And saying one line I act like we are **** buddies, and then that I act like we are ina serious relationship. He seems to be pulling excuses out of thin air. He is the one who said I love you first. He is the one who said he wanted to be with me and only me. And the part about his ex, she will be moving in to help take care of his kids. And I said, okay, that's weird, but I'll trust him. We have spoken in debth about cheating. His ex wife cheated on him, both of us are very against it. Or so I thought. I don't think he is telling me the truth, but I don't know whether to call him on it or to waste my time. I just feel hurt because we've been friends for so long. This 360 is shocking. Yes, I was getting attached, but I told him that I only wanted to date him for now. I was content with that. I don't know if he was lying then, or if he is lying now. I think he might be getting back with this girl out of necessity. I just don't know what to think. It seemed to be going well. I would go over on the weekends, hang out with him and the kids. We watched his and his first wifes movie (she is deceasesd) and he said it "really impressed him" how I didn't freak out. Any thoughts on what the cause of his reversal might me? If I haven't been specific enough, just ask.

[sera300]

Get away...a man who has an ex wife who moves back in? Regardless of the reason; if they divorced no one wants their ex moving back in...unless she was never his ex--rather just a temporary separation & not a legal one where the end is a divorce.

Walk; let him enjoy his life....he made it all by himself. No need for you to add to such a mess.

[curious_woman]

He doesn't know what he wants, and he's blaming you for his own insecurity and bad habits. Get out, now.

[AJinlove]

Actually it's an ex girlfriend. His ex wife is never around. About the ex he said, "She is a nice girl, we just weren't compatable" Then he started talking about if there was a spark he would let me know and not cheat on me... I am just wondering if I should ask him if he meant what he said, kind of get closure, or if that would only give him pleasure of knowing I still want to be with him, and I should just drop him cold turkey instead...

[sera300]

He had already told you he does not want you; instead it's an ex [moving in with him & not you]. Is that not clear enough of a message from him?

Sorry to be so blunt but I fail to see what your are not getting; he is MOVING in an EX. NOT YOU. I am sure they will be sleeping separately, don't buy into his crap.

[browneyedgirl]

Well he says he has annoying habits that you are just beginning to taste; I would say this is one of them. He needs to make up his mind on a lot of things, it sounds like. But aside from that, right now he is telling you that he is not interested in a serious relationship of any kind, and he doesn't see that in his future. Based on that alone, I think you should walk away. That is, unless you want to be in a non-serious relationship and cowtow to his whims. Go find someone who wants the same things you do, because it is never going to work out with him if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Good luck!

[machine_rat]

You said that he had been cheated on, and that can be a very difficult emotional/trust wall to overcome. That is, it can take quite some time, years in fact, to finally be able to trust any women. He may have been living with the belief that it would be only a matter of time before you cheated on him.

[sera300]

Regardless of his "issues" the largest red flag is the ex moving in with him!!!!!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Why are you still speaking to him? This is not a man. This is a child. Quietly erase him from your life and walk away.

Please review your selection procedures. Learn to recognise where you went wrong with this one and do not make the same mistake again. Often the error is going exclusive with a man too quickly. You knew this one for only a year and that is not long enough. Two years is the minimum. In that length of time, you get to see ALL of him and all of his 'issues' and he yours. Then you can make a mature and informed decision to keep him or let him loose.

BTW there's nothing wrong with "friends with benefits".