The Great Offensive Masterbation Situation

[OriginalBoks]

my girlfriend and I have been together for four months now (we're both 22 years old). We just recently argued over the issue of my masterbation. We had this argument in the past, that she is upset if I jack-off if she is in the area. I could understand this, because if I was horny and went behind her back to get my rocks off, its not how relationships should go. I stopped doing that (not to say I had some kind masterbation fetish, but the few times it happened, she got upset).

The issue reappeared today as I was getting ready for a job interview. The night before we had sex but I didnt cum, so needless to say, I was very horny today. As I was getting ready, I started getting aroused. I tried multiple times to get her involved in my excitement. she was laying on the bed, relaxing with her eyes closed (not asleep). I even put it in her hand like 3 times. I said, alright im gunna go jerk off, in order to maybe test her reaction. she didnt react. So i came back into the room and asked her to kiss it, implying a blowjob. i asked her this twice. I then went into the bathroom and proceeded with my business. I just wanted to get my rocks off, and she was obviously not going to help me out. 2 or 3 minutes later i was done (just tryin to get the job done, as i said). then i got ready and went to the interview.

as we were talking just recently, she told me she was upset and hurt that i masterbated while she was there. I keep trying to find out WHY she is upset that I did. She doesn't know, and acts like she doesn't want to know. I give her no reason to be jealous. she is the only person i fantasize about. i haven't jerked off since we came back into contact (we were on break apart for about a month because of schools winter break). i do not want her to be hurt about this. but i dont know how im wrong for what i did. am i? is this normal for women, generally speaking?

the argument ended by her walking out because i raised my voice. i just get so fed up when she acts immature. i was trying to be real with her, to come to an understanding. i WANT to know why she feels this way. i want her to know why i felt like masterbating. basically, i want to work the issue out like adults. she is the type to just shut things out and walk away from issues without trying to understand and resolve them. not sure whatelse to say or do, besides wait for her to open up.

[oedipussy]

This girl is too immature for a relationship...

You already know what you have to do - break it off or swallow your pride and give in to Little Miss "You can't do anything without MY approval" Pretty Pretty Princess for the rest of your life. Time to find out whether or not you have the balls...

[nuttychick]

Yes I agree she is rather immature. And in my opinion a bit of a biatch ...
Its time for you to decide on your future and weather or not this is the right girl for you....

and no I don't think this is a normal female thing....

Hope your Job interview went well

[Doom Bat]

Are you serious?

[thedeparted00]

Why would one "not be serious in their advice"? Sound reasonable and sound in their thought process. Sexual intimacy goes both ways--both help the other out rather then push one aways for a no good reason, sex triggers a release to just up tension and can relax anyone---interview or not. If the stress was overwhelming for her, she should have stated such rather than just turn him down randomly without an explanation. Communication is everything in a relationship, sexual or not, since it gives the other a true sense of what is happening. Lack of communication? doomed for failure. Seems to me she wishes not to share her thoughts--child- like behavior.

[stormyxoasis]

actualy my ex boyfriend would make me feel similar. Although he didnt like me masterbating AT ALL! He had a low sex drive and i had a really high one and when i was home alone, i would call him telling him im thinking about him and tried to get him involved over the phone but he wouldnt have it. So i unerstand the confusion. Needless to say i stopped doing it as much but didnt stop completely. It sounds like in you trying to get her involved you were a little pushy. maybe she feels if she wont give it to you youll go elsewhere. Sounds like insecurity issues even though youve never given her a reason to feel that way. Try getting her to understand that sex with her and you jacking yourself off is 2 different things. That you prefer one but sometimes its just notthe right time. But try not to get defensive. Alot of women do not understand the need sometiimes to masterbate (i do but im strange lol) maybe it would help if you explained it to her. Good luck. Hopefully this is something that can be fixed. otherwise youll both have resentment towards each other and that not good

[dancingdoc2]

There can be multiple reasons why she is behaving the way she is and not all are selfish or vindictive. It may simply be that she does not understand why men masturbate. Men know but do women? Men masturbate in order to relieve stress, tension, and anxiety. Some women believe that once she has assisted with the male orgasm all is over and done with and she cannot understand why an hour later he is (wanting to) masturbate.

One has to do with outwardly expressing the love one has for the other; another has to do with relieving pent up stress; yet a third is for the pure and simple pleasure of it. While the end result is the same, the means to an end is different and it is this that women must learn and understand.

If you or any of us needs a release, you can try to combine it with that outward display of your love, or, just the abbreviated quickie version in which she takes matters into her own hands without much effort on her part should be be tired or not in the mood. Failing this, she should absolutely not be upset or offended if you go somewhere private and take matters into your own hands. Please let her read everything up to this point.

As for your behavior, I'd say you pushed her too hard and this is probably due more to the hormones driving you actions than your clear headed brain. This should improve once she understands how men and women differ and why these differences drive us to act differently. An orgasm is not necessary for a woman so she is looking at this from a totally different perspective. Help her to understand.

[oedipussy]

To expand on what others have said: You want to make it work with THIS girl? All you have to do is go to the post office, put all of your manhood, self-respect, personal freedom, and dignity in an envelope, and mail it back to whichever God you believe in... Easy as pie.

[arutha]

You guys don't really seem to know how to handle immature/young girls well... Sure you can just dump them and find someone more mature, but when you are young they are few and far between. Or you can just bow to her wishes, but then she will get bored of her new door mat and look for someone else. These girls still don't know what they want, they are all confused and have millions of hormones, but they do look up to a man who can exhibit self confidence and strength around her, and show her who is boss.

I had pretty similar problems with my gf when we started going out (she is a bit immature..) and the best way to handle it is to not make a big issue out of it, just treat it like its nothing, be totally confident in your actions and sure that your decision was the right one, and simply and calmly let her know. She will probably get a bit antsy for a while, and may get slightly huffy, just walk away and leave her for a while. She will soon come back and not be worried about it anymore.

Just casually say you did it because it sure didn't look like she was going to, you needed it, so went ahead and did it. If she doesn't want it to happen again, she can help next time. It displays that you are in control and will do what you want to do.

Of course, when you get a bit older and have a more mature girlfriend, then you get into the long serious conversations where you discuss things and reasoning. But likely they would understand from the start and not be so insecure about it.

[thedeparted00]

I think she need to understand one thing; you own your own body as does she (owns hers). If you'd prefer to masturbate alone in a closet forever, I can understand her being upset, however these circumstances are too much. Why does she even need to know? I can never say I spent time in a LTR with anyone and knew there personal habits. Married or not. Don't distract from my sex life (ours) and I can not care less what they do on the side. If she is not just ignorant, then she is controlling.