My Best guy friend

[KMB]

Ok you know I've been talking about this guy and wanting to have sex and I keep having a different reply on all my posts like I dont' want to go out with him and then the next one I say I love him and want to do it with him.

It's so complicated and I'm sure this happens in a lot of relationships.

I Love him a lot, he loves me too. He had a crush on me in 8th grade, and I didn't start liking him till 10th grade which was last year. I feel like I messed up my chance with him because I didn't like him the way he liked me in 8th grade.

Now that it's been 3 years and I've actually felt the same way last year I have a real feeling that I messed up he says he loves me and wants to be with me. Only he's always busy and I ask him what he does that keeps him busy and he explains. Sometimes I feel like he isn't telling the truth like he might be cheating on me.

I messed up on my earlier relationship and it makes me feel really sad.

I do feel like I can be a little rude like over react on what this guy I really like. I get upset that we barely have time for each other when he has time for others.

I feel like I should move on but it's so hard cause I love him and just kind of started to like him this much and that it will be a while till I move on.

I have this thought that I might want to show him how much he means to me. I'm not sure that sex would be the answer.

I really like him I mean a lot.

I also hate to wait so long for him to be ready for a relationship. It makes me thinking negative thoughts like he may be seeing someone else.

I'm so screwed up on this.

I hope you all get what I'm saying.

[dancingdoc2]

Dear K,
Teenage relationships should not be exclusive. When they are, each party sets themselves up for trauma and drama especially when things are tough and particularly when breaking up as is most often the case.

My recommendation is to date, and, date lots of boys none exclusively. The whole purpose of dating is not to stop when the first warm body expresses an interest in us. Dating is all about sampling what humanity has to offer and to learn about as many people as possible in a closer setting than is possible just being friends. You want to learn about characters, goals, objectives, likes, dislikes, quirks, morals, religious values, and many more aspects of each person. Over time you will learn what traits are acceptable to you and which you do not want to live with. You are better able to make a determination when Mr. Right comes along.

While dating you become exposed to lots of different behaviors, friends of the people you date, and get to do a lot of activities that you might not otherwise be able to.

Dating should be casual until the field narrows to a couple of guys who seem like the type of person you would like to spend the rest of your life with. This does not mean that you cannot have a FWB relationship, it does mean that you invest less in each while receiving more from the group as a whole. It also means that as people come and go in your life it will be easier to move on to the next contender.

Your friend is just learning to sample life with more freedom than before. As he continues to mature, graduate, and move onto college he will be wanting to learn more about the world and the people in it, as will you. Right now, boys his age are into "me" more than others. While he may want you as a girlfriend, it is likely that he wants you on his terms and when convenient. It is a "guy thing" a lot of us go through up through our early twenties or so. He wants to play and play with his friends, and right now this is a priority. You become a priority when he's not doing something else. In a way it is his fault, yet, without proper upbringing, this behavior or dismissal of your importance is society's and his parents' fault. You can certainly talk to him about budgeting his time better.

If you are longing for love and to be needed, please do not be so needy. I'm not saying this is not a worthwhile desire, only that you put it into perspective and work on becoming your own person who wants but does not necessarily need a guy to be complete. If and when one or more guys enters your life, you will be able to add to the relationship making it greater than the sum of its two parts, not taking from it because your need is greater than your contribution.

So, my recommendation is to continue to be friends with this boy if it is your wish, and to date others, also. You will round out and complete your own character by doing this, while having more opportunities to explore life and the world around you with a variety of people. You should also find that your need to be a part of something is not as intense. When the time comes for you to zero in on Mr. Right, you will be better prepared to give of yourself and to find that this guy probably has his priorities in order. This is when the intensity of emotions can come into play.

[KMB]

We love each other a lot. It will be hard for me and him but I know your right.

I could just be friends with him for now and date a couple other guys when I'm ready and if that doesn't work out. I could try going out with Tim again.

[dancingdoc2]

Yes you can, K, and yes you probably should. It is not so much that these other fellas do not work out, rather that you move ever forward and on to the next gentleman.

You will continue to mature and your ideas and attitudes and preferences will change over the next few months and years. His will also. If you continue to casually date him then you can keep the lines of communications open, watch each other grow and evolve, yet not tie either of you down preventing the two of you from becoming more than you are right now.

[KMB]

I also was thinking maybe if we hang out with each other more which has been a problem too. It was so sad earlier, it was really bad he was crying cause I told him we should end the relationship and I felt soo horrible it was so hard so we made a little plan that I wouldn't mind being in his busy sceduel even if it does get a little too much I will want to be with him.

I told my mom about this and she thinks I was acting crazy for treating him like I was upset that he wouldn't pick up the phone or answer and I worried that he was mad at me.

and my mom said "don't let that get to you unless you really know what he feels about you"

So I'm going to hanging out with him more.

[sera300]

Don't be his doormat.

[KMB]

ok I won't

[sera300]

Originally Posted by KMB

ok I won't

Okay...remember yourself worth comes from within & not from another person; you are young as Doc pointed out...date many men & learn what you like in others. Keep him as a friend, cut him loose for a while, and see where you end up...you still have a full life ahead of you--with or without him.

[KMB]

yeah My mom said the same thing,

I wish I wasn't so young.

it hurts to wait but I guess it can be worth it.

I Love him so much.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by KMB

yeah My mom said the same thing,

I wish I wasn't so young.

it hurts to wait but I guess it can be worth it.

I Love him so much.

Don't rush into adulthood. Before you realize you'll be rushing through your whole life. I always could not wait to be of age of majority; felt I would be taken seriously. Well, motivated I was but do regret not slowing up a bit.

Before you know it responsibility will ensure upon you which comes with all actions & this is why so many decide to up and leave their lives to begin anew.

You'll be old before you realize it! Remember it's a number, get your education, & realize there is not a lot right now to do in Rochest. NY...you will find many suitable dates in time.