01-05-2008, 09:00 PM
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Interesting survey there Doc...
Quote:
I am: 1. Male 32 the person I knew for a while. Classmates in high school and law school. She asked me out, I supposed I was willing to date her cause, what the heck, she was around. Did I ever love her? That I don't know. I thought I did, but to this day I am not sure at all. A major flaw of mine. I made the declaration of love more or less because she did. Felt pressured into saying it to be honest. I'm pretty sure I decided after her as it wasn't really a pressing issue on my mind. We were not in fact terribly compatible. She was nutz and I was a basket case (so it seems in retrospect. Though, to be fair, my being a basket case likely drove her nutz, or that's sometimes my view). My sister says she was bat **** crazy from the word go, but don't think that was the case. We were of different socio-economic classes though very similar educations. Different ethnic backgrounds as well. Probably too different though it didn't seem like it at the time. I didn't speak of the less desirable aspects. Neither did she in my view. Her volcanic anger was not something that she demonstrated or spoke of, I learned of it over time. Probably after provoking it so much. SHe was infinitely more mature than me. SHe wanted to be married in a year or two. I was aged 26 going on about 13 or so. I had no real interest then (or now for that matter in marriage). I didn't really think about whether the differences would matter. I was pressured into proposing (in my view). That was an error that I corrected about 2 months later. After another year or so of tumultuous relationship (much screaming, fighting (not physical mind u) and tears later, we were finally able to say "F**K YOU!" for good. Life's been much better ever since. Basically, I was and am too immature to be in a relationship. I don't understand them. I have too little knowledge and understanding of human emotions to function in a relationship. I understand mating only at the primal sexual level, not the emotional, social and intellectual level. It's all a bunch of hoo doo and nonsense to me. I was not raised by wolves or other beasts, though I seriously question if that was not, in fact, the case. I believe it would be a serious error for me to be in a relationship with any woman (and given what I know of myself, entirely unfair to her as well). Thanks Doc, now I need to go hang myself or something... :-) Joking joking, well mostly anyways... It was once offhandedly suggested to me that I have Asperger's syndrome. I don't think so myself, but there's more than a few bolts loose upstairs. Can't figure out why. I'm just different than others. I can hardly get up any emotion about anything, it's all just irrelevant. I recognize emotion and the reasons behind them in others, but I don't have many/any of them (emotions or reasons to emote) myself. I didn't really learn this about myself until the ex. It was quite a learning experience. I wonder if it ruined my whole life from that point forward, but so far, I'm still here, not bankrupt and reasonably content. That said, I know that love and relationships are not for me. In fact, I do not believe that love exists for me. Whatever or wherever that capacity comes from, I do not believe I have it. A lousy deal, but there it is. I recognize that I am depressed in some fashion, but treatment to date has failed to solve the matter. Pills don't fix thought patterns, though it is remarkable how they are able to fix certain chemical imbalances in the brain. Probably psychotherapy is called for, but I'm rather apathetic about it. If this is what life is, so be it. Eventually I'll shuffle off this mortal coil (ALLELUHAH) and that will be the end of that. Then I'll see what happens next. Ideally, it's a dreamless sleep for all eternity, but I'll take what's on offer. What choice will I have after all... And on that pathetic note, I'll stop messing up your survey results. Oh yeah, one last thing, what's the reason for the survey Doc? 
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01-07-2008, 01:48 PM
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> Oh yeah, one last thing, what's the reason for the survey Doc?
I was approached by an acquaintance who entered into a new relationship near the end of October and who is wondering already if he is "in love" with this woman or not and if he should say anything. She sent him a greeting card signed "love..." and that made him wonder if she was already in love with him or just stating that she loved him as a friend and was not as yet in love. I thought this would be a great topic to discuss and get some world feedback on and to perhaps make others think before they speak.
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Life without dancing? I don't think so...... The feet may learn the steps; yet only the spirit can dance! Dancing is the fastest way to get a girl alone and into your arms in public. The Tango smolders and burns. It ignites the heart, the soul, and yes, the libido. Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to Dance in the Rain! Dance as if nobody is watching.
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01-07-2008, 02:42 PM
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Quote:
Much often the similar scenarios occurred while I talk with people, from being a nurse for so long, putting your hand on ones arm is not thought "odd" of professionally when with patients during time of upset, much like making eye contact. I tend to look into peoples eyes when I talk to them & this makes many people uncomfortable so I try to break the habit. However, do that regularly since leaving that setting? It's misconstrued outside of the intent. Often many are taken back. I have had to re-teach myself to use caution since it makes many nervous. To exemplify; if I met you out after lengthy discussion, I would think nothing of a slight hug...whereas others step back. Much depends if the person is a "touchy/feely" person & I am. Hope maybe that clarifies some confusion...or makes it worse, not certain!
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Our backgrounds & circumstances may influence who we are but we are responsible for who we become. 
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01-07-2008, 03:59 PM
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Haha I do that all the time Sera...My first girlfirend (she was 18 I was 15) Loved when I would right her notes...well I put Love collin by mistake. Not intentionally just out of habit....
From then on it was like uh oh cuz I dint know what to say since she suddenly loved me (only after 2 weeks of knowing each other and dating)....My next girlfriend I made sure I didnt say anything...In fact I was more nervous with her than my first girlfriend lol. Although I did wind up saying it a month and a half later.
__________________
Taught a room full of children how to Cat Daddy, Reject and Vogue! Mission Accomplished!
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01-07-2008, 04:18 PM
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Sera is right about the hugging. I come from a very very traditional upbringing
and it was and is the norm to hug our female relatives as we greet or depart. I do that also with close female friends as a greeting. It's funny that in parts of the southern US that it still appears to common place. I have done business in parts where shaking hands (between men) is not a common practice. Makes me realize more and more that there is really NO NORM. Just what is accepted in a certain location. Awfully confusing.
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01-09-2008, 09:25 PM
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Regarding the ex-boy...
Gender: Female Age: Old enough to know better, young enough not to care How long have you known this person? Oh jeez... how long had we known each other at that point? We'd been together for almost a year before splitting up... I suppose we'd known each other for about a year before hand. How long have you been dating this person? The relationship lasted about a year. How long did it take to go from being in "like" to being "in love" once you began dating? Not very long. We'd gone from being best of friends to lovers, so it wasn't much of a change; it was more in acknowledging the depth of feeling on both sides. How long after deciding you are in love did you go before telling him/her? I don't recall. If you are a male, did you make the declaration first? If you are a female, did you wait to tell him after he told you, or did you inform him first? We actually ended up saying "I love you" fairly simultaneously. Did you decide before or after your partner, or, did this realization happen at about the same time? Around the same time. How much did s/he know about you before you said "I love you" for the first time? In other words, did you let him/her in on the good as well as the bad things about you, or are you still holding off on the bad or less desirable things about you? [I]He knew a lot. The good, the bad, the ugly. As I'd said, we were best friends first. How compatible do you think the two of you are? Very much? Pretty much? Not so much? We started out being very compatible. Priorities changed over time. How different are you? What are the major differences? Why do you believe these will not make a difference in how successful your relationship will be? We are actually very similar people. The failure of the relationship lay in the physical distance and in the change of his priorities. I was very committed to keeping the relationship working, but as things changed within his life- a life that I couldn't be part of as much as I'd have liked to be, because of the distance- his priorities changed and I was no longer one of them. Are you prepared to make this relationship work? Will you be in seven years should the seven year itch strike? I was. Obviously the time that we were together wasn't quite enough to make any permanent decisions, but we had talked about one or the other of us relocating (it would have been more feasible for me to do so, but he could have also worked out a way) a considerable distance from home. But things don't always turn out that way; c'est la vie.
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01-15-2008, 02:34 PM
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Female
22 To be honest, you will all think I'm mad, so rather would not say. Nearly a year Not long to be honest I had a gut feeling after a few months He said first After He knew everything. Same as I knew about him. (the dark secrets we told first. Can't say why) Very much, like 2 peas in a pod! Not that different. Just a few. One is he is very very lazy and I'm not. Oh, plus he is a big kid! Oh and our age gap. I don't know what will happen in the long run. I will try to make it work if anything happens. Just need to get my mother-in-law off my back. That is what we argue about the most and I don't want that to break our relationship.
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01-15-2008, 03:46 PM
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Gender: Female
Age:28 How long have you known this person? 3 months How long have you been dating this person?2 months How long did it take to go from being in "like" to being "in love" once you began dating? 2 months How long after deciding you are in love did you go before telling him/her? still deciding whether or not to say anything If you are a male, did you make the declaration first? If you are a female, did you wait to tell him after he told you, or did you inform him first? No Did you decide before or after your partner, or, did this realization happen at about the same time? after How much did s/he know about you before you said "I love you" for the first time? In other words, did you let him/her in on the good as well as the bad things about you, or are you still holding off on the bad or less desirable things about you? We know nearly all the crud that you can know, without actually living together. How compatible do you think the two of you are? Very much? Pretty much? Not so much? Somewhere between very and pretty much How different are you? We have completely different educations and jobs, he's more of a partier and I'm more serious What are the major differences? Why do you believe these will not make a difference in how successful your relationship will be? Makes us not competitive in so many ways. Only will be a problem when he wants to get wasted on a Saturday night and I want him to be not hung-over on Sunday morning. Parenting skills are a little different too and if we ever lived together that would certainly come up (we both have kids). Are you prepared to make this relationship work? Will you be in seven years should the seven year itch strike? If we make it the next year and a half while my life is crazy then I will definitely be in.
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01-16-2008, 02:09 AM
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Gender:
Female Age: 26 How long have you known this person? about 2 years How long have you been dating this person? 11 months How long did it take to go from being in "like" to being "in love" once you began dating? Well, I already liked and respected him before we started dating. Love seems to have just grown over time How long after deciding you are in love did you go before telling him/her? I still have yet to say the words in a serious tone. If you are a female, did you wait to tell him after he told you, or did you inform him first? When he first told me I was still hesitant to really open up about my feelings (heck, at times I still am) and I can only imagine my reaction to his words was like a deer in headlights. I've only said it in passing a couple of times Did you decide before or after your partner, or, did this realization happen at about the same time? After How much did s/he know about you before you said "I love you" for the first time? In other words, did you let him/her in on the good as well as the bad things about you, or are you still holding off on the bad or less desirable things about you? He knew me pretty well. I still try to reject and control my faults How compatible do you think the two of you are? Very much How different are you? What are the major differences? Why do you believe these will not make a difference in how successful your relationship will be? Our differences run in similar lines. I'm a tomboy who loves sports with a passion, couldn't care less about fashion, hates cooking and likes sci-fi. He loves music with a passion, loves his Tommy jeans and complains about shoe choices for men, loves being in the kitchen and likes quirky comidies. We both have utmost respect for the others passions because it allows us to have our own. Ones fault is anothers strength Are you prepared to make this relationship work? Will you be in seven years should the seven year itch strike? You can't have a future without working on the present. You must adjust to the curveballs. I didn't get the 7 year ich in my last relationship, and I think it's negative thinking to expect one.
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