Her EX

[goodadvice]

I have been with my gf for almost 4 months now. Before me she was with a guy on and off for 5 years. Although he treated her horribly she still went running back. Since the time we have been together he has contacted her numerous times. I recently received an e-mail from a friend of hers that she sent to him that said "how are you? I miss seeing you" This was about a month and a half after we started dating. Should I be worried about it? Confront her with it?

[sera300]

Ignore what you read...it may have no meaning or significant value...I would say the same to my ex-fiance right now, does NOT mean I want him back, to see him for a date, nor to get personal, etc...I would just miss "chatting" just as a friend.

[gorgeous_mistake]

Well really I think its the age that should matter
Maturity wise
Sera is older and has the maturity to be able to just "chat" with an ex w/out anything happening
But I'm 16 and well when I speak to an ex its more because I still want to be with them or miss them and such.. and when I do begin to "chat" with them again I want to be with them once more..
I really do think it depends on the maturity level
If you're able to control and sustain certain feelings

[cjb1981]

Originally Posted by sera300

Ignore what you read...it may have no meaning or significant value...I would say the same to my ex-fiance right now, does NOT mean I want him back, to see him for a date, nor to get personal, etc...I would just miss "chatting" just as a friend.

Sera, you rock...to be able to talk with you ex-fiance like that is an extremely mature way to handle the situation. However, you know that people in their teens and twenties usually aren't that mature, I don't think that I am. Goodadvice- I've dated girls who keep in contact with ex's who treated them badly, it's never worked out well in my experience.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by cjb1981

Sera, you rock...to be able to talk with you ex-fiance like that is an extremely mature way to handle the situation. However, you know that people in there teens and twenties usually aren't that mature, I don't think that I am. Goodadvice- I've dated girls who keep in contact with ex's who treated them badly, it's never worked out well in my experience.

This is because these ex's see you as the fallback guy--you are the safe choice until they re-group and go out again to give the new men/women another whirl. Thank you for the compliment...

GM:

You are correct and that is appropriate behavior for some one of your age bracket. You miss them, people change, & grow; hence, you go back again. Keep these people at arms length since you really never know what the next ten years will bring for you. What you passed up before, may in time be a good choice. Always, end it nicely and politely; however, you keep your heart close.

At 16, PLAY!

****NOTE: Please for ease of reading, of us old folks, try not to skip lines and use punctuation since it makes it easier on us [the older] to follow your thoughts! Additionally, in time, this writing will only benefit you since you develop superb skills, and will develop a flow. You have the brain to write with good insight for a 16 year old; therefore, use the forum to perfect some of your writing skills! It's perfect practice; meanwhile, shedding good insight for others to read your thoughts . Helps hit College with excellent practices--this is much lost today!

[EvilEvilKitten]

The wish to hold onto an EX is the same thing that keeps you attached to your childhood teddybear - you're looking backwards. Stop it! Focus your mind, instead, upon the delights ahead of you! Life, if you make the correct choices, is a PARTY! If you look backwards, you'll miss your invitation to join in the dance at this upcoming party. Never fear to be adventurous!

Traps that people fall into are due to making poor choices and these include:
illegal drug use
alcoholism
dating & staying with the wrong persons who treat you poorly
children out of lawful wedlock
crime
mishandling your money
hanging out with the wrong crowd
not completing your education

there are others but those are enough to be getting on with.

Seems your gf fell into one of those traps and usually this is due to "settling" for what she thinks she can get. Low self-esteem will trip you up every time.

Your job at this time is to laugh at this louse of an ex. Really - what kind of loser of a man he must be to treat women poorly! What a child he must be! She not only can do better than him - she has - with you! Now take her out and show the lady how a real man treats his lady; by being caring, considerate, and fun!

[gorgeous_mistake]

Sera,

Thank you. I actually have been using this forum as a way to "develop a flow". Excuse my punctuation at times, I'm more accustomed to using less formal punctuation when I'm not typing a paper or anything of the sort. I'm flattered by your compliments on my insight, since of course you are considered to be one of the best advisors on this forum. From now on, I will not use open punctuation, and type as I have been taught (get lazy at times ha) to make it easier on you "older folks".

[EvilEvilKitten]

Thank you.

[machine_rat]

Originally Posted by goodadvice

Although he treated her horribly she still went running back.

Unfortunately there are many girls out there that prefer the 'bad boy' who treats them like garbage. Usually that preference stems from being raised by an abusive father.