A novice needs some relationship advice

[sodook]

Alrighty! I'm new here and I was really hoping yall could give me some advice. So there's this girl right, she hangs out with me and my nearly exclusively male group of drinkin buddy's. Now this group consists of me, my roommate, and my cousin. I think it's pretty safe to say we're all attracted to her. A while back she started sleeping with my coz, and that kinda upset me but it's my coz and one of my best friends, they're trying to be happy. How could I co anything but support it? Now it gets a bit more complicated. I find out she isn't "with" my coz, theyre just **** buddies basically. Yet again, I'm jealous, but I try to be cool. I don't bring it up, I dont flirt with her. I'm like a little fonzy. I stay cool. But then my roommate talks to her, finds out my coz wants to be with her. Well, my coz get emotionally attached very easily, too easily. Well she doesnt want to be with him. From what my roomie told me, he's not a very goot bf, he messes up a lot and when he does and she gets angry he doesn't even reallize he's in the wrong, so much so he usually thinks he's in the right and she's in the wrong. I find this out after spending a weekend at her house which was for the most part just me and her, aside when we went out to drink. We didn't do anything, I didn't try anything. I didn't wanna make things akward, like I said I really care for her as a friend. I think I care for her beyond that, but I don't have much experience. I'm not really fat or malformed, just not really a smooth operator. So, she talks privately with my friend, she sleeps with my cousin, but when were together she talks to me, I make her laugh, she sits by me, and apparently she likes to spend at least some time alone with me. I want to ask her if she feels the same way, but I dont want to drive her away! I really like her, I appreciate her insight, I like her sense of humor, and I think she's the most beautiful girl to grace our green earth. There's a little more to it but not much. Any advice would be appreciated, if ya got a question, just ask.

[curious_woman]

This is dangerous, everyone is going to get hurt if anyone has a relationship, and most likely if someone has a relationship with her, the friendship between all with deteriorate. I think you're best to keep her as a friend, and find another woman for sex or a romantic relationship.

Just my opinion though.

[Ducy]

This is confusing is what it is...

So let me sort this out.

Cousing + her = sexy time

Friend + her = private time

You + her = whatever seems to be left

Stay away from her...your getting the raw end of the deal if you ask me. I mean she has sex with your cousin, gets the emotional (private time) support from your best friend and she just hangs out with you. Its like having 1 boyfriend made out of 3 men. 1 for sex 1 for emotion and 1 for whatever else.

[Sweetness12]

I dont think this girl wants any of yall and all 3 of you should just leave her alone so that she doesn't screw up a good relationship between the 3 of yall....

[bluetide76]

Go looking for a better fish, there's plenty out there that will want you completely, not just the hang out part. If you end up dating around and with other girls, it might also change her view of you some. Right now like Ducy said, she sorta views you as the third part of a good time.

[dancingdoc2]

I agree. Go fishing in another pond.

[EvilEvilKitten]

LOL Wow has she got it made! Congrats, girl! And OP - welcome to the world of polyamory. The lady has a triad. Something most women my age would kill for! I'd say STAY FRIENDS because that is the role she has assigned you..for now. That may change but she has to make that decision. If she brings it up, then it is your turn to decide if you want to go along with her decision.

If you and your buddies cannot handle this, then all of you guys are going to have to say goodbye to her. Then you will have lost her as a friend.

[Sweetness12]

And Sometimes a friend lost is a fortune gained.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Actually she sounds great! A fun-loving woman who is exploring her options, as it were. This is precisely what we have been telling people to do. Date many; don't be exclusive right away; learn what your requirements in a life partner are. That is precisely what she's doing. She is also NOT making a secret out of it.

[sodook]

well, I kinda got a bit of a problem with waiting on her convenience. Besides, I think you've jumped to some conclusions, which would, of course, be my fault. Well, she broke up with my cuz, he didn't take it well. Apparently they weren't as "active" as he made it out to be. As to my roomie, I don't mean to say that they have more emotional closeness or whatever, just that he is usually the one to ask the more private questions. Honestly, I would, but he never let's me get a second alone with her. Anyway, status update. She broke up with my cuz, in an especially entertaining bout of blacked outness I got on myspace and professed my undying love(not literally, but I told her that I liked her). She said she doesn't want to ruin her friendship with all three of us by doing that, and that the best thing for her to do is stay single. Now, this girl actually does have some traditional values. She doesn't want to be seen as a hoe or whatever, which I don't think of her as. Well, her situation with my cousin is ****ed, someone said they saw us making out. We didn't( I probably would if I could), but now my cousin won't talk to either of us, my roomie is going out with a new girl, and I'm still here. Now I'm wondering if I should ask her out or respect her opinion to just be friends. when I told her I liked her it stirred up a lot of drama, and I don't want to lose her as a friend. I was told that that day she was smoking like a chimney and was hella worried, and that it was because of what I sent her. I like her as a girl, but I love her as a friend. Everyone I've talked to says that's the way to start a relationship, but I just don't want to drive her off. I want to just let it die and go back to the way it was, but it just won't subside. It's torturous. It's like being a teenager again, so angsty, so awkward.