Need help with my gf, she said I didnt help her when she was down

[letsgomets1212]

ok, im 16 and ive been going out with my gf for 2 1/2 months. i only get to see her once a week, and 3 outta 4 times its with other people, so i dont have much time to get close to her and really learn about her. well, the last 4 or 5 days shes been really down and a little depressed. im not gonna get into details, but to summarize, its bad grades in school. well, i promised when i saw her yesterday that id make her feel better and all. so we hung out, but again with 2 other people. personally i felt the day was going good. i felt that she was laughing at things i was doing and saying, and i didnt exert too much effort into making her feel better cuz i thought i was. well, today, she tells me that i didnt make her happy at all, that her friend was actually the one doing all the work, and she felt i was angry at her and that i didnt want her there. i have no idea how this happened, but now idk what to do. because i dont see her a lot, i havent completely learned how to cheer her up when shes down. so i need help, cuz i can feel her slipping away. thanks

[Ducy]

Ok seriously you need alone time. I mean really your just in friend territory when you think about it. I mean hanging with friends is cool and all but it sounds like thats all you do. Take her on a date. ONLY YOU TWO NOBODY ELSE! And if she suggests bringing people, respectfully and politely decline. If she continues to force wanting someone else to come then obviously shes not into you and doesnt wanna hurt your feelings...

[maupassant]

I think you are working very hard at the relationship and it is a shame she does not respond.Is it just the bad grades in school or what? You do your best to cheer her up; what more does the young lady want? good luck anyway and keep us posted!

[letsgomets1212]

we have been on dates, we do have alone time.....the real problem is that shes been grounded harshly by her parents, and she usually only gets to see friends once a week...so naturally, she wants to squeeze all her best friends into that one day so she can see them...shes into me, she just finds it real hard to find alone time

she had bad grades, and i helped her get them back up, but now she got a few new bad ones....i thinks its brought about a "no matter what i do ill end up failing" kind of thing in her head

[maupassant]

Hey...don't give up! All you can do is support at the moment. Find out the cause of the poor grades. Does she leave enough time to do assignments properly? Always try to do the work early. If you leave it till the last moment you may hit a problem and not have the time to sort it out.

[letsgomets1212]

i dont think the problem is school, or at least the main problem....school is leading to an even bigger problem for her mentally, and it doesnt seem that what im doing matters to her...i just typed her a lengthy message saying how sry i was for last night (even tho deep down i still dont think i have much to be sry for), and how much i love her, so hopefully that works...b4 i send it, if u have any suggestions for things i should include in the message, that would be great, even tho i think i covered all the bases

[machine_rat]

Are you sure that she can really even considered you girlfriend if the two of you have only seen eachother like 10 times (once a week for 2 1/2 months)?

She may be a person who simply doesn't know how to keep herself entertained, which is why the two of you seem to always see eachother in group settings or how she was relying on you to her up.

Besides what good does entertaining her do if none of her roots for depression are being addressed?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sounds like a nice enough girl but it is a shame she has no brains and is a bit immature even for 16.

I recommend a mild letter expressing polite regrets for her current difficulties and her feeling that you did not support her adequately. Do NOT play Galahad to her! Fixing her problems is NOT your job. It is her job. Just as young men have to learn to 'step-up' and become men, so too do girls have to learn to 'step-up' and become women. Being her 'knight in shining armor' will derail that process. Close the letter by saying that you hold in her deep affection and that you really like her and hope to see her in a better mood soon. Then leave it at that. Say nothing more until you get her reply. If she does't reply - move on.

[maupassant]

Originally Posted by letsgomets1212

i dont think the problem is school, or at least the main problem....school is leading to an even bigger problem for her mentally, and it doesnt seem that what im doing matters to her...i just typed her a lengthy message saying how sry i was for last night (even tho deep down i still dont think i have much to be sry for), and how much i love her, so hopefully that works...b4 i send it, if u have any suggestions for things i should include in the message, that would be great, even tho i think i covered all the bases

I think the time difference means you have probably sent the message. No matter, for I am sure you will have been truthful and probably shouldered more of the blame than you deserve. The thing is, and I am long through my teen years, you should not be chasing after a lost cause. Put your cards on the table in as kind and truthful way as you can and wait. If she says she does not want to commit then that is that. At least you will be making decisions for yourself based on genuine information and not supposition on your part. Keep us posted and don't get down. Nice guys may finish second in sport (old book title) but they get the goods when it comes to the important things in life.

[letsgomets1212]

Well things have been going better lately, we seem to be doing fine. But I know that main problem with our relationship, and I have no clue what to do about it. Because of her parents restrictions, the fact she has hw, and the fact that she wants to see her best friends over the weekend, we have only hung out alone like 3 times in the last 2 months. Thats just crazy. Believe me I try, I've seen her alone everytime I've had a chance, but its just not enough. I feel that not being able to see her alone is stopping our relationship from advancing. Theres also the fact that I dont take full advantage of whatever alone time we do get. What can I do?