She's bored with it ... problems surrounding sex

[lovesfool]

im just not that much bothered about it

im not a person who has to live with it

sorry

i like it when i want it

but when i dont its boring

i find it hard to get turned on n enjoy it
sometimes

this is basically what she said to me over internet :s
i find it kinda hurtful i guess, we hardly have sex anymore and its not fair as i love being with her making love but all she thinks of it as boring, im on the point of breaking it off

its not so much advice i need but id like a,little as in such..shall i break it off?
but the thing is how do i break up with her, im not very experienced with it and i don't know if...i could

[demonbuttercup]

It's just one of those things that repeatedly comes up around here... that a couple has mismatched libidos.
It can be the girl who wants it all the time... or the guy... either way.

Some people really enjoy the sexual side of relationships... others enjoy other aspects more.

Most suggest if this is how you want to continue going.. b/c most likely, it won't improve.

I am much the same way... I am not a very sexual person.. I could usually take it or leave it. And yes I realize it hurts my b/f to a degree and he feels "rejected" but it's not about him.. its about me and how I feel. Nothing about how I feel about him particularly... it could be any person.. you know?

I RARELY ever initiate and even when he does.. I am usually not in the mood. After a few minutes though I am getting into it.
I orgasm 9/10 times so it's not that... that I feel it's pointless.
It's hard for me to say how I feel exactly.

[Ducy]

Lemme guess demon...basically you dont have a problem with it, you dont have a problem getting into the mood, but you just dont care for it. If you dont cum you dont care, and you would rather cuddle with your man, thats when you feel the "emotional attachment" that comes with sex.

[demonbuttercup]

Sometimes, but I mean afterwards, we really don't spend a lot of time cuddleing. I would rather cuddle fully clothed LOL.

I enjoy spending time doing other stuff... like watching tv/movies, playing video games together... going shopping and running our errands... just stuff like that.

I must be strange b/c I don't really feel that amazing thing that brings you closer to that person during sex. To me.. it's just a physical act.... meh... I dunno what my deal is?!?! LOL

[Ducy]

Yea...I know how that feels...i mean for your boyfriend lol. My ex (or whatever, I dont know anymore because neither can make up our mind. I guess really really really good friends lol) is like this. She likes cuddling, but she just looks as sex and fooling around as physical. I think this relates to abuse though cuz once in a while she is like GAWD DAYUM lol.

Anyways sorry to get off topic, but love dont stress about it, there are just some people who dont care for it, or not enough to initiate it. If you really want to change it, (although changing libidos is very very hard.) You should take the initiative with your SO and find what turns you on. Figure out what they can do to get you in the mood, and find the things in the environment that turns you one. For instance i believe lavender has a sort of arousing affect on the female bodyy...(I think i read it in cosmo lol), so go out and buy a lavender airi freshener, or if you find feet turn you on put a big picture of a pair of feet on the ceiling lol. (not to make fun, just the first fetish that came to mind lol)

[machine_rat]

Originally Posted by lovesfool

im just not that much bothered about it

im not a person who has to live with it

sorry

i like it when i want it

but when i dont its boring

i find it hard to get turned on n enjoy it
sometimes

this is basically what she said to me over internet :s

Obviously if her stance is bothering you enough to consider breaking up, then perhaps that may be the right thing to do... rather than feel unfulfilled (and resentful). The more you have to comprimise, the more likely it's not meant to be.

[browneyedgirl]

If she's not willing to make any compromises, then this is pretty much a situation you are stuck with unless you break up with her. If she is willing to talk about it and figure out a way that you could both be happy (i.e. you feel desired and she doesn't feel pressured) then things can work. People often ask about situations like this, and I think that the biggest problem is lack of communication and unwillingness to compromise. Many couples have mismatched libidos. The key is to find a way that it can work out for you. However, this is posted in the new relationship section and you don't say anything about other aspects of your relationship being great or anything like that. If this isn't a very serious relationship to begin with, then you probably will do best to end the relationship before this becomes a bigger issue. How? Just tell her that it isn't working out. If you want to be more specific, tell her the truth: that it's important to you to feel desired and to have a good sexual relationship. If you've been together 4 months or longer, then I would sit her down and have a talk about why you aren't feeling fulfilled and tell her that if things don't change, the relationship can't go anywhere.

[lovesfool]

well we've been together a year. we were both virgins when we got together and the sex was great ,she seemed to love it then it kinda just went down hill, the only way i can really get her horny enough to have sex is to basically ignore her sexually and only kiss her :s
anything else and she's happy and i get left in the dust feeling used
im 18 she 17

i can understand the libido thing but whats wrong with having it perhaps more than 2 - 3 times a month.
its like its always on her terms :s

[Ephemera]

For me, personally, I couldn't be with a person who didn't have a high sex drive to match mine.

Sex is great, but for me, anyway, I become closer to the person afterwards. The experience is a bonding one, for me.

I couldn't be with someone who didn't have the same mindset.

I'd say go with your first instinct - break it off.

[browneyedgirl]

Have you guys discussed sex much? What do you do together? Are you very experimental or is it basically missionary position? Does she masturbate/orgasm? Do you do oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc., or is it just intercourse most of the time? One possibility is that she just doesn't enjoy what you guys are doing enough to crave it. Another is that she had a repressive upbringing. The key is communication and experimentation. You guys need to be able to talk about what you both want and need. If she's unwilling to do this, then you must move on.