Saying goodbye

[catholicschoolgirl]

My bf and I got into a argument over the weekend. I cried and cried (not in front of him). He has a habit of when not wanting to hear (listen) to what I have to say he tunes me out. Doesn't answer his phone. I merely was talking, wanting to be heard. He hung up on me. I texted him it was over. I was/am extremely hurt. He is inconsiderate of my feelings. It's not the first time either. My stomach is rollin this morning......I'm trying to deal with it. He never answered my text or replied to my messages.

BTW.....the arguement was over the fact that he wanted "alone" time. That's fine with me, tell me....don't pussyfoot around it. He is addicted to online golfing. I want to get out and do things. Then he says he's gonna call and doesn't. Burns me up. I love him, but his inconsideration of me has gone on too long. It also hurts that he can give me up without even a bat of an eye.

What should I do? Did I go to far? Should I just relax and take a deep breath. Give him his "personal" time?

[HardNgood]

he's disconnecting from you, yes personal time is required BUT some of things you say he does are more like inconsiderate and its time to move on

[Ducy]

Date other people. Have fun enjoy life and dump jerks like him the second you meet them. Somethings wrong if he would rather play online golf than hang out with a female...

[LoveGems]

My boyfriend used to be the same on an online game, it would take him ages to come off of it, and it hurt me that he would rather play the game than go out and enjoy himself with me!

So, I did it back, I found something I enjoyed (horse riding) and stayed away for a while, it wasn't long until he finally came crawling my way again.

He might want space, but also a show of what he could be loosing when he ignores you might be just the push he needs.

[browneyedgirl]

No one here can really say whether or not you overreacted, that is just a matter of opinion and honestly no one knows enough about the situation to judge. But look at the larger picture: you feel like he is inconsiderate, you told him you wanted to end the relationship, and he hasn't tried to contact you since. He was immature enough not to answer your calls and to hang up on you instead of trying to work out the issue. It doesn't look to me like this relationship is going anywhere good. It seems to me that if he had any intention of staying with you or making it work, he would have at least called you after you told him it was over and tried to talk about what was going on. It doesn't sound like it was working for you, and he doesn't care enough to respond to your messages or try to save the relationship. I have to say that I think breaking up with someone by text message is rather immature, but then again so is ignoring your calls. Leave things as they are. Didn't you also write a thread about him not wanting to have sex much too? Look on the bright side. You can find someone who is willing to have sex frequently and someone who listens to you. Good luck!

[catholicschoolgirl]

Well......we talked. He doesn't want to be this "involved" with anyone. He cares deeply for me but needs space. We are together everyday (but to me it's not "quality" time). He is still sweet on me. I reacted to being hurt. We are gonna try to work things out. I lost myself for awhile, stopped doing the things I did before him. I think it's time to start hanging out with my friends again. I like your way of thinking "LoveGems".

[constantlylearning]

Perhaps, HNG has it right on the disconnecting. Maybe, there are
other factors that are causing the change in behavior. Difficulty at
work, a pressing family issue or something else--these are just examples
of factors that might have a bearing on behavioral change. As you
suggest, maybe a deep breath is a good idea. Sometimes a nice face
to face where you can look into someone's eyes will reveal more than
any spoken words ever could. A lot of times, it is difficult to lead someone into
love but easier to just shine the way for them. Good Luck.

[Ephemera]

Did you guys have a good sex life?

[Doom Bat]

When you say you stopped doing things you did before him, does that mean you stopped doing things that you enjoyed to maintain the relationship?

That always bugs me when people sacrifice their goals/enjoyment for the sake of making somebody else happy. I believe that you can't truly be happy in a relationship unless you're truly happy with yourself, and that means doing the things you enjoy and have a very fulfilling life on your own. I think it's selfish and immature to ask/make somebody stop doing things that they enjoyed just so they can appease the other half of the relationship. A healthy relationship has two sides, the things that you enjoy yourselves and the things you enjoy together.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Doom Bat

When you say you stopped doing things you did before him, does that mean you stopped doing things that you enjoyed to maintain the relationship?

That always bugs me when people sacrifice their goals/enjoyment for the sake of making somebody else happy. I believe that you can't truly be happy in a relationship unless you're truly happy with yourself, and that means doing the things you enjoy and have a very fulfilling life on your own. I think it's selfish and immature to ask/make somebody stop doing things that they enjoyed just so they can appease the other half of the relationship. A healthy relationship has two sides, the things that you enjoy yourselves and the things you enjoy together.

Compromise is essential. There is: you, I and then we...to get the "we" is where compromise comes into play... There are times when as a couple it's required to sacrifice a "want" to keep the other happy. However, if it becomes too often, then there are issues...