Being okay with my boyfriend hanging out with his ex...

[mauigurl808]

I've been in this new relationship with this man and everything has been awesome. When ever I see him I get so happy. We completely connect with eachother on a whole other level which I've never experienced with anyone else. Everything about our relationship is great other than his ex-girlfriend. They had a long and meaningful relationship which had ended over a year ago and they still keep in close contact with eachother. I find myself being really insecure about their friendship because I don't feel she is completely over him. She continues sending him pictures of when they were together and continues trying to take him back to "memory lane" of when they were together. They both consider themselves "bestfriends" as they put it. I have no problem with my man hanging or talking to any girls but I do have a problem when it's with someone who they had a strong emotional past which she hasn't been able to get over. Am I over reacting? I don't think so but I'm so torn as to what to do. We get into arguments over her constant needs for his attention. He told me she will always be a part of his life (which I understand, first loves will always have a special place) but I feel he is holding on to his past and not allowing himself to completely move on... with me. If any of you have any advice I would really love it! Thanks!~

[Ducy]

Smack that ***** upside the head and tell her to back of. I dont think that she is over him, and all this reminiscing and memorabilia, isnt letting him move on either. Although he may not have feelings for her, by doing this, she is "controlling" him. Talk to him. Dont be confrontational, but if nothing changes and it still bothers her, smack her up side her freakin head and walk away.

In my honest opinion at least.

[atomic]

Been in the same situation as you for the past year, well kind of.

Everything we did in our past shapes our future and if the memories are good and happy, they hold a special place in our heart. To have an ex constantly bringing them up, is her trying to invoke the feelings he had for her at that time and to bring him around to that frame of mind again i.e. being in a romantic relationship with her, not you.

By doing this, she is excluding you from his life by reiterating the past and reliving their happy memories, a time when you weren't in the picture. She is essentially reminding how good he had it back then with her, and showing him what he is now missing out on.

He is not allowing himself to move on if he condones and constantly participates in this kind of behaviour - he is not respecting that it upsets you, and she is not respecting that he is not with her anymore. She is not seeing you as the woman in his life, she is reminding him that she once was.

Speak as openly and honestly as you can about how this is really affecting you, and your relationship. If he is really the person you feel you completely click with, it is worth letting him know that you want to make memories with him and you want to have a treasure chest of photo's of places you have been and seen together.

If not, it might be a better idea to give him a little space. If they get back together, you can only wish them well and you can move on to find someone who lives in the now, not the yesterday.

[browneyedgirl]

Ask him to tell her that it's OK to be friends, but giving him old pictures and that sort of behavior makes both of you uncomfortable and she needs to stop.

[oedipussy]

Originally Posted by mauigurl808

I find myself being really insecure about their friendship

Well that's the rub now, isn't it? Like it or not, this guy is an adult and can make his own decisions. And guess what? He's decided to be with you, not her. They're friends - learn to live with it or move on.

Rather than worrying about what she wants from him, why don't you drop the insecurities and concentrate your energy on showing him why he's making the right choice by being with you? Guys are only willing to put up with jealous girlfriend crap for so long...

[machine_rat]

Since you said that this is a new relationship, I presume that this situation between him and his ex has been going on since before the two of you were together, right?

Admittadly it's not too common, but there are many exes, even once married or what-not, that can still maintain close friendships after the breakup.

What you need to be sure to avoid is doing something out of jealousy, like hanging out with your ex just to get a rise out of your boyfriend.

I knew a couple where the guy would have lunch with his ex on occasion. The girlfriend was a selfish person, so she felt that it was perfectly okay to go on weekend camping trips with her ex.

[EvilEvilKitten]

YOU are over-reacting. STOP arguing about this woman.

1. think about how you are appearing to him - as an insecure harpy
2. he has to hide his past from you because you cannot take it
3. you want all of his attention 24/7/365 and he can't even breathe without consulting you beforehand - picking his friends next?
4. you're an antagonist not a lover - always a fight
5. you might be more trouble than you are worth

As far as you are concerned this woman does not exist. Never mention her again. When you are with a man you accept ALL of him including his past even if that past is not quite as past as you might prefer.

Either rise above or walk.