dumped and alone

[eminatic]

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[sera300]

We listen;do not look for an answer, do not search for one. Just sit tight and focus on making new friends...community involvement, college, etc. No further contact with him ever.

[dancingdoc2]

Absolutely. Concentrate on building a new friendship base. This will give you social interaction, and, you can let your friends know that you are available to date. Ask one or more to help network for you. If you have other people looking from among their family, friends, and acquaintances, then you have more opportunities to find fellas to date. When you do, do not enter into an exclusive relationship with any. The purpose of dating is to learn what humanity has to offer so that when Mr. Right does enter the picture you'll be better able to know and to choose. Later, when one or two individuals become prominent you can develop a closer relationship with them and eventually one.

Regardless of whether you moved in order to go to school or perhaps for a new job, occupy some of your free time to join social and/or sporting activities in which men are also involved. Find a church and become involved with its members.

Lastly, please do not dwell on the why. He dumped you unceremoniously and didn't have the courtesy or the manners to talk to you. This is neither the personality or the character you want in a man.

[eminatic]

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[dancingdoc2]

> well i'm not interested in dating for sex; i dont even like sex.

I believe this is a good approach. I was suggesting that you cultivate friends--male and female, and then take it from there. One or more of these new friends may become a new Best Friend, or at least closer than the others. I also understand that you are hurting and probably mad, and these emotions are part of the healing process. Rejection is not nice, yet you are not the only person to go through this. Most everyone has at one or more times.

> and i dont want another relationship ever again because if there's something wrong with me that i cant see, and he wont tell me what it is then i cant prevent the same thing from happening again.

I'd like you to understand that this is not about you, it is about him, his behavior, his change of mind or priorities, his crass and rude inconsiderate behavior. I rather doubt it has anything to do with you other than perhaps he felt you were not a match. This brings up the next matter and that is about dating.

Dating is a way to become closer to a person or persons than we can through simple friendships in order to learn more about them, and, to interact socially with men one on one for the pure fun of it. By not entering into an exclusive relationship for a few years, you eliminate the angst and drama of these breakups. You also give yourself time to grow and mature emotionally and socially by interacting with more people. By dating and making friends in general, you learn how to better interact with people and how to determine what characteristics you want in a boyfriend. Dating is all about learning the character, likes, dislikes, goals, ambitions (or lack of), values, morals, etc., of people.

By its very nature, dating is mostly transitory. A date may begin and end with a dinner and polite conversation in a restaurant (where the door swings both ways) as one or the other of you decide that s/he is not a person we will probably mesh with. You will likely go through many such meetings before finding a person you want to date further. This is the nature of the process. If you become all broken up over an evening out then you are taking this all too personally and irrationally. Think of the evening as having had a nice dinner and some conversation and a learning experience. The more dinners you accept the more likely you'll find someone more to your liking. Staying at home won't get you far.

> i feel like i cant wrap this up until he tells me to my face and gives me an explanation.

You can if you decide that this is not all about you and any quirks or character issues, and that this is just one step in the dating process and selection process. That said, go on to the next dinner invitation.

> i cant see a point in doing anything anyway.

Give yourself some time to heal--and, to become "hungry".

> i'm thinking about quitting my job, and i havent gone to school for the past few days...i was only going so that i could transfer to a UC near where he lived but now theres no need for that so i dont even know why im still in school since i have no career goal or any kind of plan for a future at all for that matter.

Many new college students do not have a career in mind and this is why there are a lot of general ed. classes the first two years. This gives people an extra couple of years to decide. And, what if you do not have a goal by your junior year? Go for a general ed. degree and complete your education. This and the skills you learn doing homework and research will help you no matter what job you go into after school. Employers are looking for people who have a degree--any degree. This is an important fact of life that you need to understand.

Do not quit your job unless and until you have secured another--or if moving, have a nest egg that will pay the bills for three months, minimum. If everybody quit and rolled up into a ball every time they were jilted, or had some unfortunate circumstance happen to them, families would fall apart, lots of houses would go into default, cars would be repossessed, the results of which would affect their life, family members, customers, clients, bosses, fellow employees, etc.

I understand that you are young and have probably not experienced this, so, you are entitled to let these emotions run their course. You might sulk, cry, and experience other emotions and feelings, yet you must also learn to put this into perspective and not fall apart. Life goes on and you have to decide how you are going to pick up the pieces of this one aspect of yours and move on. Sera and I have given you the tools. Please pick them up and use them.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Stop. Just stop.

You're thinking of destroying your life all because one rude bastard of a boy showed you what he really was? Instead, grit your teeth, get a bit angry, and move forward.

Get educated. Remain employed. Get social.

Yes, you want to run and hide but now is not the time for that. Now is the time to make friends in your immediate vicinity. Now is the time to relish your freedom and go have some fun!

Remember: relish your freedom!

Get on with living the life you really want to live.

[Ducy]

This happened to my best friend monday. She called me all hysterical because her boyfriend and her were fine sunday, they were moving out together in a few months, and then suddenly he stopped texting, would answer his cell then hang up, and he deleted her from his myspace or something like that.

The best advice. Realize he is an a**hole (because anger is a great motivational tool) and show yourself that he is missing out on one of the best girls he will ever meet.

Basically, finish school, work hard, make lots of friends and just show the world, and yourself that you can do better without him. And just show that he is missing out on someone great!

And do not self destruct, even if it means you move back home with mom and dad, in order to keep yourself from giving up. Because family is always there, they always have tons of love to give, and they can always make you feel better.

[eminatic]

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[Dawn80]

woah.....wait a minute....you just said your plan was to NOT live past age 19????? I think maybe you need invest in some major help. Spill your guts on here if you want, but I think you have deeper issues than being dumped by a guy. I'm sure you already know that. I think suicide (and I assume that is what you are refering to) is the most selfish thing that a person could possibly do. If you can't think about you the fact that you deserve to experience life, then think about the people that you will leave behind, blaming themselves and wondering why you would do something like this. I know its not much reassurance right now but things WILL get better. Stop the pity-party and try to think about all the great things in life....waiting for you to experience.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Wow! Life's a party and you want to leave it even before it gets started?!?!?
Dear girl NO!
Find someone reliable and TALK to them!!