Breaking Up with the Girl Friend

[Ephemera]

I think I'm going to do it today.

For the past two years we've been doing a long distance thing, and finally, I've been seeing her everyday since the beginning of September. It was fine for a while, but we really are different people.

She's a social butterfly. Nothing's more fun for her than having a bunch of different friends and running around and laughing at nothing.

I like to have a pretty small group of friends and just chill out, watch a movie, order a pizza.

It's really affected our relationship - my idea of a great night with the girl friend is to cuddle on a couch, watch Scrubs, and make jokes about each other. That's great for me.

That doesn't do it for her, I guess. She's a very free spirit, which I adore about her, but right now I guess I need someone, if we're going to be in a relationship, to need to cling onto me every once and a while.

I'm really, really into her when we have any intimacy at all, but in groups, not so much. She's a completely different person.

I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings about this, though. I mean, if I throw this away, there's two years of my life wasted. But I also know that it's not working right now. We've had the same argument over and over, and I don't think it's going to change.

Also, the sex is wonderful. I lost my virginity to her, and she's the only person I've ever had sex with, so I guess I'm not too good a judge, but still, it's mind blowing.

Am I doing the right thing? I feel like if I don't end it then I'm not going to get over it for a long, long time.

My policy with the ex is that you don't try to be friends with them, or speak to them, or anything really. It just doesn't work out for me. But we have a lot of mutual friends - I don't want this to affect anything other than our relationship.

Somehow I don't think that'll happen.

Oh, what to do... what to do?

Any advice?

[sera300]

Emp:
It sounds as if her relationship w/you is similar to a friend already (just with a sexual dimension). Cut all ties to her for now.

Break it off nicely, you are just two people with different priorities right now. By ending it nicely, you may find as each of you mature you may be more compatible, if not then you will find the right one in time.

Afterwards just date casually, nothing serious get to know women well, find your likes & dislikes, similar values/goals. And hang with your friends.

[dancingdoc2]

> For the past two years we've been doing a long distance thing, and finally, I've been seeing her everyday since the beginning of September. It was fine for a while, but we really are different people. She's a social butterfly. Nothing's more fun for her than having a bunch of different friends and running around and laughing at nothing. I like to have a pretty small group of friends and just chill out, watch a movie, order a pizza. It's really affected our relationship - That doesn't do it for her, I guess.

Both can be accommodated within a relationship, although, these differences usually are restricted to each set of friends or social groups. As I see it, it's how you choose to socialize together that is important. For this you have to have the same friends and a third social group. Often this third group only comes about after you settle down and create a life together.

Only you can determine whether this difference is a deal breaker, which you apparently have. While these differences can be traced to personalities, it can also be due to age and social development. If she is younger than you and a teen or young adult she may be on a different page of life.

> She's a very free spirit, which I adore about her, but right now I guess I need someone, if we're going to be in a relationship, to need to cling onto me every once and a while. I'm really, really into her when we have any intimacy at all, but in groups, not so much. She's a completely different person.

My guess is that while she likes you and may love you, she is just not that into you, as the saying goes. I don't thing "cling" is what you are after as much as someone who likes spending more time with you and less with friends. If you cannot negotiate a solution then you may just have to call it quits.

> I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings about this, though. I mean, if I throw this away, there's two years of my life wasted. But I also know that it's not working right now. We've had the same argument over and over, and I don't think it's going to change.

A waste? No, not really. Every week you learned something and benefited from the relationship. If neither of you have dated other people (much) then you definitely need to do this as part of your social development--and to be better able to recognize Ms. Right when she comes along. So, in some ways, you need to be more of a butterfly with respect to getting out and meeting potential mates and not being limited to just a close circle of friends that do not bring you into contact with new people.

> Also, the sex is wonderful. I lost my virginity to her, and she's the only person I've ever had sex with, so I guess I'm not too good a judge, but still, it's mind blowing.

Good sex and a good relationship do not necessarily go hand-in-hand.

> Am I doing the right thing? I feel like if I don't end it then I'm not going to get over it for a long, long time.

Well, only you can make this decision. If the argument you seem to keep having is over this difference in social interaction and lack of focus on you, and you've tried to find a happy medium then perhaps you should move on.

> My policy with the ex is that you don't try to be friends with them, or speak to them, or anything really. It just doesn't work out for me. But we have a lot of mutual friends - I don't want this to affect anything other than our relationship.

My rule is to be polite and cordial when you do meet or interact with them. You may find that as time and experience pass that there might be people you can be friends with and some you have to separate yourself from. Much of how you choose to handle this depends upon how much of an emotional investment you have in the person.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Ms Social Butterfly meets Mr. Hermit Crab and finds him a dead weight since he always wants "down time". Seems you two want different things right now.

Well, babycakes - you're not going to meet many people while sitting on your couch at home and isn't that where you'll be if you 'break up'?

I strongly encourage you to remain friends with her however. No sulky little boy behavior. She may, with her networking, find just the right girl for you!

[THQMA5]

true what every one said, espically what evilevilkitten just said just now about sitting on your couch. im not sure if you get girls with ease where you live but where i live i seem to be the person that helps every one but me.
So just understand what you want and if theres no way around, what you can do then is dump her.