Making the move

[mysteryman]

I was wondering if anyone could help me. There's a girl I like at uni. We sometimes study together. I've already gone for one drink with her, but i think that she just saw it as a drink as friends. I see her out n she'll stop to talk to me , but i never know when to make a move. I'm normally too drunk to make a move when I see her out. More to the point, how do I make the move. Do I ring her and ask her if she wants to go for another drink, just try n kiss her in a club. I ain't scared to tell her I like her, but from experience that ain't a good thing to do. I was wondering if I should drag her aside from her mates in the club and ask her to dance? Any advice would be helpful.

[dancingdoc2]

> I ain't scared to tell her I like her, but from experience that ain't a good thing to do.

So, to extrapolate, then it is isn't a good thing to ever tell a girl you love her?

I believe I understand what you are saying, which is not to tell her you like her so soon. I tend to agree.**

> I was wondering if I should drag her aside from her mates in the club and ask her to dance?

How, by the hair? Grab her arm and pull? As a dancer, I find that women love to dance and the chatter with others is often just "idle chatter" until some man comes along with an invitation to dance. Answers:
1. Excuse yourself for interrupting, and ask "may I have this dance?"
2. As above, asking "may I have the next dance?"
3. As above, asking "would you like to dance....?"

Whatever you decide to do, do it sober.
Whatever else you may decide to do, later, with her or someone else, do it sober. Very few women want to become involved with a lush or intoxicated person long term. Turning this around, why not find a woman not in a club, bar, or lounge? If you want to pursue this person, then do so when she is not there with others.

> More to the point, how do I make the move. Do I ring her and ask her if she wants to go for another drink, just try n kiss her in a club.

Since you see her frequently around campus, invite her for coffee or tea or a soda, and while chatting ask her to dinner. If she accepts, she is interested (at least in a free meal). Over dinner, propose a movie or some other activity to do on a weekend or whenever you both have time. (Give her options for which movie and the date and time. In other words, "would you like to see X or Y Saturday evening or would a Sunday matinee be better?" This lets her know she has options in case she has previous plans or conflicts. If she is interested yet neither is doable she will probably offer an alternative.)

**These scripts provide insight without having to drag her off or declare your "like" for her. These methods use what is call "Implied Consent". As long as you are getting favorable results, she knows you like her and if she is accepting your invitations, you know she wants to spend more time with you.

For the first date, I would ask in person. Later after there is more of a friendship between you, you can ask by phone.

KISSING? I do not know what is customary in your part of the world, although, here in the colonies kissing someone you don't have much if any history with is a bit brash. Wait until you have gone on a few dates and you know she is interested in receiving a kiss.

KISSING & CARESSING--a young person's guide to EXPLORATION

[Brandye]

Stay sober. Then you will be in a condition to evaluate the situation and, perhaps, ask her out.

[Ephemera]

Don't start your relationship in a bar.

People go to bars to get drunk, and in some cases, to get laid.

You don't go to a bar looking for commitment.

[Brandye]

... or even real friendship.

[mysteryman]

Thank you for the advice. I think I will have to ask her if she wants to meet up to do stuff other than just work. I do think that is unfair to dismiss doing anything when your "intoxicated." This bar or club is the student union. Everyone is always there and people are out to have fun. I think the idea of having a friendly dance or a long chat or even askin to get together would be more appealing when your out in the club rather than randomly on campus when your dashing from lecture to lecture.
But yeh I will ask her. I don't think she has given me any signs to say that she likes me as well. But it's hard to tell because she is from America and it might be different there. And girls don't always give them away and guys ain't always the best at reading them either. I can't make her like me. So i'll just have to take it if she says no to meeting up.

[sera300]

In the US College Campus' are "dry" now. Back when we had one & sine the drinking age went to 21 they were abolished. Ask her out. One polite drink and a nice dance is fine...out right drunk? Not a good thing. Look for another Campus event...even if the event boars you. Show diversity in your interests & see what hers are as well.

[-wittyphrasehere-]

Originally Posted by Brandye

Stay sober. Then you will be in a condition to evaluate the situation and, perhaps, ask her out.

About right. Take it slow, keep your wits about you, go with the flow.

And as Ephemare said, you don't find wifey material in a bar.

[machine_rat]

Is she giving you any subtle hints of attraction:
-Standing close to you when she talks.
-Inneundo.
-Commenting on how she likes people with your traits.
-Using any excuse for physical contact (placing a hand on your shoulder after a joke, elbowing you softly after chiding her, hugs/elongated hugs)
-Does she mimic your body language (like if you cross your arms, she'll then cross hers)