2 Girls - Utter confusion...

[Lonejazzer]

Before I begin the little tale that includes my problems (none of which I can guarantee, are new to any of you), I would like to say a bit about myself. I am 17 years old and i've never been involved in a relationship with anyone. I've been told that my problem is that I do not express myself. Vocally, no I do not express myself, instead I express myself through a myriad of musical activites and writing. I spend most of my free time practicing the 4 saxes, guitar/bass, basoon, theory, musical composition, and writing (usually short stories for my own entertainment). I've been involved with music for 10 years, which is an enormous amount of time considering that spans more than half of my life so far.

Onto my problems:
There's this great girl I know, she's one of those brilliant figures that seems to come out on top no matter what it is she does. I Think of her as my academic rival and companion through musical studies. We spend lots of time discussing different elements of music, which usually is me explaining different aspects of theory to her.The majority of my friends tell me that I should ask her out already, since I already spend large amounts of time with her, plus she's told some of them she likes me. Perfect right? Wrong... I've grown very close, true, but too close. I think of her like a sister, even more of one than my own sister is to me. I've said something to my friends and most of them get irritated and tell me not to hurt her. I know this, but some of them think i'm just nervous since i've never gone out with anyone and are trying to push me into this despite the fact that I say it's really because I think differently of her. (I really refuse to date within my circle of friends. I am too close to most of my friends to consider it)

There's this other girl I've had my eye on for a while now (surprise). She's gorgeous, she does everything so gracefully and with such finesse you seem to wonder how anyone can be so perfect. The gleam in her eye marks gentleness with a small hint of playful aggression. Her mere presence in a room seems to illuminate it as no light could. My only problem is, I may have already hurt her feelings. The first time she tried to come talk to me, I was on one of my silent days (On a day where I perform, I go all day without speaking or expressing myself, so that when I finally play the audience doesn't just hear the music, they hear the emotions you put forth as well) and despite the way I felt about her, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. She walked off, and hasn't tried to speak to me since. When I do walk over to talk to her, her brother (wo is always around...) gives me threatning looks and nods his head sideways in attemt to get me to leave.

I've attempted to talk to my friends about it but they never seem to get past the first few words. As soon as they hear that I like somone other than the first girl I mentioned, they tune it out and try to convinve me to change my mind. Plus, the new girl I like, is a freshman which to me is not a big deal but to others it seems to be. They look at me like i'm some kind of pedophile. Enough of this, I feel my friends are no longer trustworthy on this matter, the only one who is referred me to a few sites where he found answeres to some of his problems. This forum is one of them, and I come here seeking somone who may be able to help me make a decision that honestly, I am kind of scared to make. Please, if anyone has any advice, at all, please help me. And I apologize for the lengthy post, I just wanted to ensure that I covered all the details

[HardNgood]

WOW 17 and you undertake some fantastic ventures!! Continue honing your talents and growing them....you have a life time to find relationships...it may be a bit difficult because you seem to be eccentric for a 17yr old...I'd stick with what you are doing with your talents..you'll never please all your friends and most probably, they envy you!!...peace out

[sera300]

Just date many casually for now--anyone who strikes your eye; they is plenty of time to develop a committed relationship, now is not the time for you. Learn to date & find what type of women are out there, what is inside of them, what are they made of; since this only comes with dating experiences.

[Knight]

I don't really know what to tell you regarding the first girl, that's quite a dilemma there. You can try asking her on a date, get to know her and her you outside of music. As time goes on you can then evaluate how you still feel about her. Remember you are not making a lifetime commitment to anyone so you can date her (or not) and other girls as well.

As for the second girl, perhaps you should clear the air (if you haven't already) regarding your demeanor when she first tried to approach you. How you explained it to us, explain it to her, its not a big deal and should be the first step you take. Once you clear away the misunderstanding, perhaps you can speak to her and not have to worry about her brother's threatening glances (I'm sure he's a swell guy too).

There is one thing I feel I must mention, please do not take it the wrong way. You have mentioned that she (the 2nd girl) hasn't tried to speak to you since the aforementioned encounter, I gather then that you still do not know her very well. However, your write about her in quite a heartfelt manner. You need to keep your eyes open and your mind clear and not let your feelings run away with you. You need to remind yourself that you do not know her well yet. You need to remember that she IS human and is not perfect, do not place her on a pedestal, feelings that are too strong like this can be dangerous. I am writing this because the way you describe her is reminiscent of someone who is becoming perhaps...slightly infatuated. If you let your feelings remove you from the reality of the situation, it can be very hard to get back, I speak from experience.

So if you want to get to know her, GET to know her. Become her friend. If you feel that there truly may be a spark between you two, go ahead and ask her on a date.

Whatever happens, best of luck.

[machine_rat]

As for the first girl, you may want to try and move past that 'sisterly' barrier. This may sound like going for broke (by risking endangering the friendship altogether), but before you know it high shool will be over and you will likely never see her again. I too had a scholarly girl I was interested in back then, but never did more than talk/joke around... and to this day I wonder what might have been.

Don't worry about the age difference with the second girl, if she truly is graceful then she's probably mature as well, right. Once your friends get to know her, they may forget the age difference.

[Ducy]

I agree with rat. That is true...I mean I had a friend I saw as a sister in grade school...then came high school and i didnt see her. I realized that even though i saw her as a sis i actually liked her. I tried talking to her about 6 months later and it was too late...I have moved on and am deeply in love with my present girlfriend, but i sometimes wonder what if...

Your friends honestly can help you see soooo much...its a different perspective that you cant see...and they probably realize that you guys actually would be good together. Try it....if worse comes to worse, it doesnt work out and you guys are back to square one.
Secondly, this new girl...if you really want her ignore her brother...he gives you that menacing look, ignore it talk to the girl and apologize. explain your quiteness, and see what happens...honestly I think your friend may be a better choice....IMHO

[Lonejazzer]

Well I must thank each of you for paying attention to my problem. I think I shall allow some of each persons ideas to mingle into one. Maybe just lay back for a bit and further persue my music while I get to know the second girl a bit better so that I can make a decision from there later. I feel that this decision should have been more plain to me at the beginning, but then again common sense and judgment tend to be lacking when it comes to matters like these, at least, for me that seems to be the case. Thank you again for helping.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Several points:

1. stop discussing your sex life, or lack thereof, with your friends
2. learn to gracefully say "Thank you but I am preparing for a concert and I have to be alone right now." You should always remember that it is bloody awful rude to NOT acknowledge the presence of another human being. If you cannot do this, then DON'T be around them at all.
3. date them both. Both of them have thought about you in a dating context and while they are not pushing for a date right know, they are not running away from the idea either - so find a specific event to which you'd like to invite each and then ask them out.

Stop wasting time by "holding back"; just stop that! You may think you have time but you don't. Look around you. See all of those other males? If these girls are as you have said they are: you may already be too late.

Be cool but never be late!

[Ephemera]

You don't speak the entire day before a concert?

How silly! You realize that once you're out in the music world that your directors are going to get pissed off if you won't speak to them when you show up for your gigs?

As for the women - get out of the "I-like-you" mentality and just meet some people. I swear, some young people treat possible romantic interests as if they're a big target, meant to be shot at until you've hit the bullseye.

You're over thinking some of your relationships, especially the first one, with all of this "but am I too close to her?" thing. You like her, she likes you; that's it.

And never speak to your friends about your sex life. If you must, tell them the most vague and unimportant details so that they'll stop bothering you. But sex is for you and your partner - girls don't appreciate kissing and telling.

Good luck with everything.