Has Any Woman Had AMAZING SEX while FAT?

[yuna]

I just wonder has any woman here had amazing sex while fat and got all the little things- like the man staring into your eyes, kissing every inch of your body, eating you out etc? Can any woman overweight remember spectacular sex and was it consistent too? How did the man look?

Personally, i've only had sex 3 times and they were not very good and i was slightly overweight- by 20 pounds. i still am slightly overweight and people think i'm thinner than i am under clothes. i kind of am like not expecting good sex unless i have the body of a model but i really want to change my opinion. i think i should have nice sex no matter how my body looks. but how do you do it? any advice?

[JustAGirl]

OK, look. If he's into you, REALLY into you, your body will have nothing to do with it. Rather than looking disgustedly at the stretch marks, he'll probably want to trace them... possibly with his tongue. I'm not exactly a skinny Minnie either. Real women have curves. We're soft, we're round, we have a little more for someone to hold.

I am very lucky. I had issues with eating disorders when I was younger. The Boy knows that and he is very supportive of me no matter my weight (and I am right now a little rounder than I like myself to be) and no matter how lousy I feel about myself, he is always the first one to kiss me and say that I'm beautiful. And that makes me FEEL beautiful. Ultimately confidence comes from within- and confidence is one of the sexiest traits there is.

The first few times you have sex will not be great. You don't know what you're doing, and if your partner is also inexperienced, he doesn't either. It doesn't have anything to do with your weight! It has to do with experience. When you are more confident in yourself and you get better used to the rhythms of your body and his, the sex will get better no matter what weight you are.

You're twenty pounds over what you should be. That's not fat. That's zaftig- a Yiddish term for someone pleasingly plump.

If this doesn't help convince you, look at the statistics. It is a solid fact that women's perceptions of what men like include a figure that is 10-20 pounds lighter than what the average man actually finds attractive. Maybe your partner notices it, but does he mind? If he does, and it's not just concern over your health, then he's too shallow to appreciate a woman.

So long as you are healthy, you are a beautiful, sexy woman, no matter what your weight. The sex will get better with time. Chin up, and hey- the extra weight gives you nice breasts.

[yuna]

Originally Posted by JustAGirl

OK, look. If he's into you, REALLY into you, your body will have nothing to do with it. Rather than looking disgustedly at the stretch marks, he'll probably want to trace them... possibly with his tongue. I'm not exactly a skinny Minnie either. Real women have curves. We're soft, we're round, we have a little more for someone to hold.

I am very lucky. I had issues with eating disorders when I was younger. The Boy knows that and he is very supportive of me no matter my weight (and I am right now a little rounder than I like myself to be) and no matter how lousy I feel about myself, he is always the first one to kiss me and say that I'm beautiful. And that makes me FEEL beautiful. Ultimately confidence comes from within- and confidence is one of the sexiest traits there is.

The first few times you have sex will not be great. You don't know what you're doing, and if your partner is also inexperienced, he doesn't either. It doesn't have anything to do with your weight! It has to do with experience. When you are more confident in yourself and you get better used to the rhythms of your body and his, the sex will get better no matter what weight you are.

You're twenty pounds over what you should be. That's not fat. That's zaftig- a Yiddish term for someone pleasingly plump.

If this doesn't help convince you, look at the statistics. It is a solid fact that women's perceptions of what men like include a figure that is 10-20 pounds lighter than what the average man actually finds attractive. Maybe your partner notices it, but does he mind? If he does, and it's not just concern over your health, then he's too shallow to appreciate a woman.

So long as you are healthy, you are a beautiful, sexy woman, no matter what your weight. The sex will get better with time. Chin up, and hey- the extra weight gives you nice breasts.

Hahaha! true about the breasts! i would hate to lose them. sorry if i'm being personal, but are you saying that you regularly have great sex with your boyfriend? and that it took a few times to get right?

[JustAGirl]

I'm saying that my body shape doesn't hurt my sex life at all, except when I worry about it and let it dominate my thoughts to the point where I am no longer capable of holding my head up with pride to be me. The Boy finds me desirable no matter my weight- and it does fluctuate. In fact, sometimes the extra weight can come in handy- for example, when snuggling after the oxytocin kicks in, because the curves add a little more softness which seems to make me a great pillow, which means that I end up falling asleep tangled up in and half-covered by a very peacefully slumbering Boy. Let's have a chorus of "Awww..."

Anything new will take time to get used to. You didn't start out on a two-wheeled bike- you started out on a tricycle, or with training wheels. Practice makes perfect, after all!

[yuna]

Awww! Hahaha! i would love to be a pillow to a guy! I love when guys envelope me completely! It's weird, i was thin once and i felt so skinny. when people layed on me i felt i gave them no cushion. so i gained 10 pounds and i actually felt satisfied with my weight for once because i felt i was softer. and then i started babysitting this five year old boy and all he wanted to do was cuddle me so i gave him my arm to lay on because i thought it was soft enough. But he always would switch to laying on my breasts! at first i was like shocked and unsure what to do and then i thought about it logically that my breasts are softer than my arms so i let him lay there. then i started being unhappy with my body again because i had breasts when i was thin and if that's what people want to lay on then i can be thin and be soft at the same time? now, i want to be thin to bring out my facial features and i collect weight in my stomach and i want my stomach to look normal. if i had all the fat in the right place, maybe i wouldn't need to lose weight. like if i could switch the fat to my butt and breasts i'd be doing A OK! hehe! still, would like other people's opinion?

[JustAGirl]

Heh, I'm with you! I take after my mum's side of the family, which is inclined to be a bit on the short and stout side... I've got thunder thighs, a butt that puts J. Lo's to shame, and from tum to shoulders I'm all one width! Sadly I'm fighting genetics here and at this point what I really care about is being at a healthy weight where I can look myself in the eyes and smile... since I can't exactly transfer everything that collects around my tum up to my tits!

[yuna]

Originally Posted by JustAGirl

Heh, I'm with you! I take after my mum's side of the family, which is inclined to be a bit on the short and stout side... I've got thunder thighs, a butt that puts J. Lo's to shame, and from tum to shoulders I'm all one width! Sadly I'm fighting genetics here and at this point what I really care about is being at a healthy weight where I can look myself in the eyes and smile... since I can't exactly transfer everything that collects around my tum up to my tits!

Haha! that's cool, you have some nice genetics. i would like to be like Drew Barrymore and Mandy Moore and just accept my body the way it is but something inside me fights this. i'm unsure what to do. However hearing about how nice your boyfriend is gives me hope. i'll figure it out.

[BTDTWoman]

Originally Posted by yuna

I just wonder has any woman here had amazing sex while fat and got all the little things- like the man staring into your eyes, kissing every inch of your body, eating you out etc? Can any woman overweight remember spectacular sex and was it consistent too? How did the man look?

Personally, i've only had sex 3 times and they were not very good and i was slightly overweight- by 20 pounds. i still am slightly overweight and people think i'm thinner than i am under clothes. i kind of am like not expecting good sex unless i have the body of a model but i really want to change my opinion. i think i should have nice sex no matter how my body looks. but how do you do it? any advice?

OMG, gurl! Being fat has nothing to do with your ability to enjoy sex or being loved by your sex partner. It just narrows the field of potential partners to those men who haven't been sideswiped by stupid media messages about your actual desirability. I have been thin, fat, thin again, fat again, young, old, pregnant, and flat-bellied, buxom and saggy, and I have always enjoyed sex fully with beautiful men (and women) who love me and desire me just as I am. Twenty f-in pounds? Gimme a break.

For the last 10 years, my primary partner is a handsome virile man of normal height and weight almost 20 years younger than me and he wants sex with me 24/7. I give him permission to have sex with other women, including those skinny babes his own age, but he doesn't want other women. I outweigh him by 50 pounds. So what? I mean, really, so what?

Please don't let media-generated images of beauty as starving angular femininity get you down. You will be loved and have spectacular eye-locking sex. Believe it.

Yeah, yeah, somebody out there is going to lecture one or both of us on the health risks of being overweight and regale us with studies on the relationship between obesitiy and sexual performance. All I know is that I have great sex and I have been loved at every size.

[yuna]

Originally Posted by BTDTWoman

OMG, gurl! Being fat has nothing to do with your ability to enjoy sex or being loved by your sex partner. It just narrows the field of potential partners to those men who haven't been sideswiped by stupid media messages about your actual desirability. I have been thin, fat, thin again, fat again, young, old, pregnant, and flat-bellied, buxom and saggy, and I have always enjoyed sex fully with beautiful men (and women) who love me and desire me just as I am. Twenty f-in pounds? Gimme a break.

For the last 10 years, my primary partner is a handsome virile man of normal height and weight almost 20 years younger than me and he wants sex with me 24/7. I give him permission to have sex with other women, including those skinny babes his own age, but he doesn't want other women. I outweigh him by 50 pounds. So what? I mean, really, so what?

Please don't let media-generated images of beauty as starving angular femininity get you down. You will be loved and have spectacular eye-locking sex. Believe it.

Yeah, yeah, somebody out there is going to lecture one or both of us on the health risks of being overweight and regale us with studies on the relationship between obesitiy and sexual performance. All I know is that I have great sex and I have been loved at every size.

Hahaha! thanks! yeah, what's wrong with being fat? i have a lot of fat friends and i think they're beautiful the way they are. But when it comes to me i've been more critical than i would be on anyone. i think i need to accept my body the way it is, true. but i still want to lose weight. but right now i'm going to work on loving my body now. the only thing is that i know this guy, the only guy i really like, and he lives in another state, and i want to start a sexual relationship with him but i'm afraid that if he saw me looking all normal (when i take pics i only show him the best ones) he won't want me or want me to visit him. but maybe i have to experience the threat of loss to achieve real happiness. when i'm thin i'm photogenic but now overweight i'm not so much. it's kind of embarrasing. i don't want to embarrass myself. so many things to figure out! Thanks for your post- it's very encouraging and funny. and that's nice you let him date other women, i do too with the guy i talk to but i'm not in a sexual relationship with him. then i'd be possessive. can i ask why you give him permission to sleep with others if he's in an exclusive relationship with you?

Yuna

[BTDTWoman]

Originally Posted by yuna

But when it comes to me i've been more critical than i would be on anyone. i think i need to accept my body the way it is, true. but i still want to lose weight. but right now i'm going to work on loving my body now.

Clearly, this is a deep-rooted issue for you (as well as millions of other women). If you can afford it, see a female therapist who specializes in body image or even eating disorders. She will have the expertise to help you love your body. Also, if you like to read, pick up Naomi Wolf's book, The Beauty Myth. It changed my life.

Originally Posted by yuna

. . . the only thing is that i know this guy, the only guy i really like, and he lives in another state, and i want to start a sexual relationship with him but i'm afraid that if he saw me looking all normal (when i take pics i only show him the best ones) he won't want me or want me to visit him. but maybe i have to experience the threat of loss to achieve real happiness. when i'm thin i'm photogenic but now overweight i'm not so much. it's kind of embarrasing. i don't want to embarrass myself. so many things to figure out!

Your size at only 20 pounds over what you think is your ideal weight is not the issue here. You are normal now. It is your self-esteem and feelings of being less-than-normal that are much more likely to interfere with your goal of real happiness. Besides, real happiness isn't a gift from someone else. It is something that you will experience through your feelings about yourself and your life with or without a man in it. It will take time to develop the self-love that brings true happiness if you truly believe that a little extra adipose tissue is all that stands between you and fulfillment.

Still, I know I felt the same way you did when I was 20 pounds overweight in my early 20s. It's a pretty painful place to be, and I am sorry that you are so unhappy and concerned about your size. I know there was a time in my life when I thought one facial pimple was a crisis, so I am not judging you. What seems obvious to me now was hidden from me then: Real love and true happiness have nothing to do with your weight or appearance.

And if this guy can't deal with your body for any reason, it is his problem. He loses out and he wasn't for you. Relationships built only on physical attraction don't last.

I would suggest being honest with him about your size before he sees you at your true size. Not in an apologetic or self-deprecating way, just upfront. Send him a picture of you as you are now before you see him. If he doesn't want to see you based on the new realistic photo, whew! You will have saved yourself a lot of time, energy, and heartache. Also, don't be surprised to see someone who looks quite different than the photos he has sent you!

Originally Posted by yuna

Thanks for your post- it's very encouraging and funny. and that's nice you let him date other women, i do too with the guy i talk to but i'm not in a sexual relationship with him. then i'd be possessive. can i ask why you give him permission to sleep with others if he's in an exclusive relationship with you? Yuna

Yuna, I am old enough to be your grandmother, so my needs and values in a relationship are probably very different from yours and perhaps this is the way it should be. I know that my relationships now are very different than those of my youth. It may sound bizarre, but looking back, I think I used to experience love as a way of holding someone hostage to my needs and dreams.

My intimate relationships today are rooted in mutual trust, respect, honesty, and affection. Lust is fun and genuine love is always a welcome miracle. B. is my primary partner, not my exclusive partner. Exclusive relationships are not on my agenda anymore, just like getting married and having children is a stage of life I have outgrown. I have myself, and that is all that I need. Everything else is frosting on the cake.

P.S. Sounds like you will be meeting someone for the first time whom you met online or over the phone. Please be cautious and keep your expectations low. People often misrepresent themselves online. Make sure someone you trust has all of his permanent contact information, not just his cell phone and email address. Thanks.