Picking up Girls Question

[LangstonW]

My question is about showing girls im interested/picking them up, when you've never spoken to them once before. Everyone always says that all you need to do is look at the girl, make eye contact and smile. I often see girls making eye contact with me smiling, but I just can't get myself to throw on a smile, I would think that would be a little awkward or corny. What am I supposed to do? It can't just be smile back at them.

[sera300]

If a woman smiles at you & makes eye contact, YOU cannot smile back? Come one...learn to flirt; otherwise, you will be sitting home alone.

[dancingdoc2]

> What am I supposed to do? It can't just be smile back at them.

OH! yes it can....

I have an exercise in social studies for you. Every day for the next week, I urge you to smile at people you have eye contact with as you walk the halls, the mall, talk to in stores, wherever and whenever. The effort may seem forced and artificial in the beginning, yet the more you do it the more it will become second nature and real. Flirting is generally innocent and great for introductions at times, yet it does not seem to me that you are at this stage yet. You need to build confidence in yourself, first, and this is a good first step.

Second, smile every time you have a pleasant or funny thought be it in private or in public, alone or with others. This may be corny. What is awkward is to practice getting outside of your skin so to speak.

How are you at conversing with girls? If you are tongue-tied, then you should be working on this also. One great way to break the ice is to ask questions of her which permit her to talk on and on about. The female of the species tends to be a chatty creature. All we have to do is ask questions, listen to what they have to say, use some of the information to seed the conversation and to have things to talk about later. So, you can interject questions by asking about things she has talked about, you can tell her a bit about you, your likes, hobbies, etc., yet not all at once. Do not be tight-lipped about yourself, yet do not tell all about you all at one sitting and in haste. Spill the beans a little at a time over time to keep her interested and wanting to know more.

[sera300]

Or try while you are driving around and get at a red light! Smile at a lady!

[LangstonW]

Thanks again to you guys. This is really a great message board. I don't know if this changes anything, but I do have atleast a decent amount of self confidence (even though I can't picture myself smiling to pick up a girl), and girls do like me. The reasons they like me though is because I am funny and a good athlete. I find it really easy to get a girl to like me, which is always a great confidence booster, I just am weak at pursuing them, even when I know they are interested. So I will try to play the smiling card and see how it goes. I really do apprecite any responses at all to this.

[CliMBinG GuY]

dancin doc, that is some good advice i think i will try workin on that too... since i have troubles with the ladies... and confidence... thankyou

[dancingdoc2]

You're welcome fellas. Glad I was able to write something that was helpful.

As for me, well, my natural expression is a scowl, it is just the expression my facial structure relaxes into. If I do not pay attention and smile, or at least consciously put a more pleasant expression on my face, people often conclude I am mad or disgruntled. Now, I'm here to tell you that for a Ballroom dancer who regularly interacts with women of all sorts, and as a person who regularly is in the public "eye"--this displeased frown ain't beneficial!

Originally Posted by LangstonW

I don't know if this changes anything, but I do have atleast a decent amount of self confidence (even though I can't picture myself smiling to pick up a girl), and girls do like me.

Don't think of the smile as a pick up gimmick, rather as an introduction of sorts that precedes a verbal greeting. This path or technique works with people you know or are familiar with as well as with strangers. Think of it as an "ice breaker".

The reasons they like me though is because I am funny and a good athlete. I find it really easy to get a girl to like me, which is always a great confidence booster, I just am weak at pursuing them, even when I know they are interested

What other qualities do you have?

You've stated that you can get your proverbial foot in the door, smiling or not and that girls discover you are likable, so now what do you do? Actually, this has been answered. One approach is to get them to talk. You can open a conversation with some pleasantries (not necessarily the weather), ask something of them that requires more than a yes or no, and then stand/sit back and observe their responses. Take mental notes, of what is being expressed, decide what you can ask questions about or contribute to from your own perspectives or experiences, and just let them chatter on. Girls will give you the fuel for stoking a conversation. Once you are talking with a person you can often establish a friendship, and once this level of intimacy has been secured, you can go on to ask for a date.

Perhaps the next question is a date to do what? Well, if you have been listening and asking the right questions, you will learn what interests her socially. If you know, you can ask if she would like to do this or that on a Friday or Saturday. You can also simply propose a common activity like dinner and a movie as one example. When it comes to movies, you then ask what type she likes and offer one or two suggestions if there are that many to choose from at the time.

Whenever possible, offer two choices. The reason is because she may be booked on one day or the other and if one of you do not offer an alternative, the moment is lost (or at least postponed). The same strategy works for scheduling the day's activities. Learn if a matinee with dinner following is preferable to dinner and a movie.

I don't know about others, although for me, I equate "pursuing" as being somewhat forward or pushy. Better me thinks at least in the beginning stages of a friendship, that it is better to let the friendship develop naturally and as a natural extension of this--ask the person out sometime later. A friendship is created because both individuals enjoy each other's company and enjoy being together, so there really is nothing to pursue, per se. Does this make sense?

Originally Posted by CliMBinG GuY

that is some good advice i think i will try workin on that too... since i have troubles with the ladies... and confidence.

I hope you find these tips of benefit, also.

[yuna]

i smile at people a lot. i started with smiling at kids cause i wanted to be nice to kids. now i smile at any human being i possibly can when i pass by them. so, it's easy for me to smile at people. if a person smiles at me first, i find it easier to smile back at them too. however, i'm not trying to pick up a guy by smiling at him most of the time, just trying to acknowledge them and be friendly. would i smile to pick up a guy? i've smiled at guys to show interest and they haven't shown me an interest. it kind of hurts the way i've been treated in the past. so i don't know. and anyway, i like one guy right now and i don't really want to pick up a guy. if a guy whistles at me or waves at me or says hello i usually smile though but i don't try to take it farther.

[machine_rat]

Now, is the reason that you don't have a tendency to smile back because you've been trained to (or trained youself to) look hardcore all the time?

Yes it does happen. I'll see guys out there so obsessed with looking like some kind of badass that they refuse to smile even if they're having the time of their life.

[LangstonW]

hahahah, I know exactly what your talking about, and thankfully I am not that way. If I had to guess, I look pretty laid back but definitely don't have that hard focused expression. I just don't crack a smile because I'm looking at someone, or someone is looking at me. It still seems corny for me to do, a girl on the other hand, looks cute when they do it.