How to convince her? - Me instead of him

[macka_123]

hey i like this girl (obviously) now lately at school, in grade 12, we have been getting closer and our friendship is growing.

she had a party on the weekend and i was goin to make my move but her old boyfriend (who is a mate of mine) decided he wanted to have another go with her (and this was the same day he dumped his girlfriend which was my interests best friend) now i know she was pretty messed up over him but that was a while ago

anyway, i was tellin her not to hook up with him and she kept askin me why i felt so strongly about it, i eventually just told her that i was interested in her and we were talkin for a while, though i didn't want to tell her cause we were drunk.

anyway two days later and we have been talikin and she is confussed and yeah so i was wondering if there was anything i can do/say to get her to be more persuaded to give me a chance rather than go back to the other guy.

i should aslo mention that she live out of town and i may not see her for 2 weeks but i can talk to her.....some help would be appreciated

[EvilEvilKitten]

OMG - STOP thinking that it always has to be an "exclusive" relationship! If she wants to date both of you - that's fine! This is just "sport dating". Depending upon how adventurous she is, you and your mate could advertise "double the pleasure for double the fun". Okay I'll stop and be serious. There is very little you can do other than make yourself appear more confident, fun, and mature than the next guy. BTW never mention other guys with her. For you, they simply do not exist - you have no competition.

But do you see my point? There's a huge wide world out there waiting for all of you. Get out there and see what you can make of it! and date as many women, simultaneously, as you can talk into it!

[JustAGirl]

EEK, although I understand what you are saying in that people need to explore the world and learn that the person in front of them is the only fish in the sea, I respectfully disagree with your idea that one should "stop thinking that it always has to be an 'exclusive' relationship." Just because someone is young does not mean that they aren't capable of forming a serious monogamous relationship, and not everyone is cut out for seeing several people at a time- or being one of many. I understand the point behind seeing many people, but I would like to point out that that is not for everyone, nor should it be advocated for everyone.

[Ducy]

Macka there isn't much that you can do to help "persuade" her....Just be yourself, show her your a good guy, your sweet, etc. DON'T try to convince her by knockin your friend, making fun of him, cuz not only will you not get the girl, but you will lose a friend. So not fun.

EEK is right, it doesnt have to always be an exclusive relationship, I mean when you date someone and dont really feel attracted, or dont feel like you get along, do you have to break up with them? No because there really is no relationship per say its just hanging out with someone who you dont want to hang out with again lol

If it did get serious though, then it would be different, me personally, I find the deal breaker to be the first kiss. If I kiss a girl, then I want an exclusive relationship, unless its specifically stated as a hook up...which I find kinda hard to do...what can I say I like theyre to be an emotional connection with the person you make out with.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Just-A-Girl it is not that they are not capable of forming one - just the reverse! Due to insecurity and other reasons, young people are far too prone to creating exclusive relationships on the flimsiest of pretences mainly because that has been what they were taught to believe or how dating should be done.

Dating many simultaneously isn't all that difficult. If you want to go see the new art gallery, you ask Joe if he'd like to go. If a hockey game, then you ask Sam to escort you. For movies, you have Zeke. When I say dating, I do not mean you have bed them all! Having a wide social circle is an excellent thing!

[macka_123]

Umm yeah similtanious dating isn't for me, and definatly not an option for either of us....to be honest its not what i want.....i want something that will mean something to both of us....i can't picture me pouring my heart out on the bed to my girlfriend and her other boyfriend.....ew

yeah thanx for the advice, i guess i'll just have to see how things turn out and hope for the best, i was thinkin of doing something kinda kewl for her though....it is holidays, just the start of 2 weeks and she will be at her house isolated from most of her good friends for that time, what do u think i could do do make her say wow what an awsome bloke....remeber we are 17....some help from anyone would be appreciated

[EvilEvilKitten]

The more you suck up to her, the less she'll respect you and the more she'll run your life for you. Power being what it is. You have fun when dating, you don't go pouring your heart out esp. not in the 12th grade, unless you plan on immediately walking her down the aisle toward the altar. You aren't at that point or anywhere near it with her.

So what you're basically doing is fearing the end of high school, moving out into the world and being on your own so you're grabbing at anything that looks like security to you.

Let it go.

Life's a party and you're hanging out in the closet. What's up with that?

[macka_123]

i understand what you are saying and i realise u have had alot more expieriance than me when it comes to dating but u have got it wrong...

i like her cause she is fun and yeah i spose i want someone to be close to but that is because i am attracted to her personality, i realise that next year i will be in the 'real world' but i'm pretty mature and i don't just want someone to help me through that, i just want to expieriance being with her, its not like i want to marry the girl....

so if u are done trying to deter me from trying to get her to go out with me, i would like some advice, as i say she is confussed and i seriously don't want to be rejected again, i'm kinda sick of it, not to sound like a desperate freak but yeah a change for once would be nice......

[EvilEvilKitten]

You cannot MAKE anyone do anything - all you can do is ASK.

So ask already and at least respect her enough to accept her answer instead of arguing with her or trying to make her change her mind.

[Ducy]

Macka shes not trying to deter you...shes trying to open your eyes...It does sound to me like you are using her as a crutch....you know her, she is familiar....and there is nothing more that people want in a new setting than familiar....Yes using a significant other to help you through your changes, is ok....im simply going through college because I promised my girlfriend I would do it...(i would do it on my own...but its so much easier to motivate yourself when you have another reason)...But we had been dating for close to 7 months when i started...so i had wanted her before that...not just a sudden attraction because familiarity and changes.

And dont suck up as EEK said, because she wont respect you and if she doesnt run away, shell walk all over you...i made that mistake once...never again my friend...never again