Keeping Her

[Kindofajerk]

Okay, so I'm in a relationship with this girl and I have been for about a year and a half or so. During this relationship I've done some pretty stupid things which I regret, but I can hardly go back in time to stop myself.

The point is that because of these stupid moves on my part my girlfriend no longer trusts me in the least. I completely understand this and try hard not to give her a hard time about it, but I still find myself resenting her sometimes. The real point of this is that she was my best friend before we started dating and if for some reason the two of us don't work out I really do not want to lose her.

So, I'd just like to know if anyone out there has any ideas on what I should do...I mean I know that if we break up in a fight then she'll most likely hate me forever, so what do you all think? Should I just keep trying my hardest with this relationship and hope for the best, therefor not planning on a way to keep her if it doesn't work out, or is there something I should be doing now? I don't really know what I'm even saying at this point...could any of this confusion be because we were both eachother's firsts?


Just to make it clear, I'm not considering ending the relationship or anything of the sort I'm just sorta confused about what I should be doing at this point so...yeah.

[dancingdoc2]

> I've done some pretty stupid things which I regret, but I can hardly go back in time to stop myself.

You do not go back, you stop now, today, this instant, and then build upon this new change in behavior one day at a time. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. With this in mind she has only hope and will therefore base her estimate of you on that past. Want a new past? Build it from now on. A new past will come over time--a lot of time, yet it will come to pass.

> The point is that because of these stupid moves on my part my girlfriend no longer trusts me in the least. I completely understand this and try hard not to give her a hard time about it, but I still find myself resenting her sometimes.

It is a typical guy thing to apologize, say "I will or have change(d), and having declared this, let's just get on with it and move on. This doesn't work for women and in the long run it won't work for the guy. With this in mind, stop the resentment, understand the differences in how the genders "operate" and adopt what I recommended, above.

> I'd just like to know if anyone out there has any ideas on what I should do...I mean I know that if we break up in a fight then she'll most likely hate me forever, so what do you all think? Should I just keep trying my hardest with this relationship and hope for the best, therefor not planning on a way to keep her if it doesn't work out, or is there something I should be doing now?

Asked and answered.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You two need to sit down and discuss this like adults. Yeah, you made some mistakes. But I'd be willing to bet that she has made some too. You cannot be human and NOT make mistakes especially when it comes to relationships.
From her point of view - you're not only human but also male and thus prone to error. Where do you go from here? You tell her exactly what you told us.

"I know and accept that I have lost your trust and I hope to regain it, but I also resent being made to feel like scum. I would like to continue our relationship as both lovers and friends. I really like you and do not want to lose you but I cannot go on living this way."

Then shut-up and let her talk and talk and talk. Answer her questions honestly and do not hold back anything - just try to be non-confrontational - no blaming anyone here! You're just telling her how you feel.

If she's the woman for you - she'll work it out WITH you.
If not - then it has to be bye bye, baby! at least to the lovers part.
You might be able to hold onto the friendship but that will come later - we'll see how this goes first.

[noodle209]

you know that's the same thing that happened today, about the same lenght of time too, she broke it off with me, and i regret not giving her my 100, i mean i tried hard, but i found out after that the harder i tried, they more she was pushed away.

my advice is to talk it out, then make sure you try harder at being yourself, and not so hard at fixing the relationship. and trust is a very hard thing to earn back, so even if all this is patched over, it doesn't mean she'll trust you again.

[Cook2b]

my advice would be to start earning her trust back again by showing her how you have "changed" , how you won't go back to doing the things you have done in your past. talk to her about it all and i wish you all the best in your relationship x