The older man - complicated situation..

[squishy]

hi there

I'll do my best to explain things between me and the guy who I want to be closer with:

I'm 21, and a virgin. I've never had any intimate relationships (and my ONE experience is one time I gave a guy a blow job in the back of his car, but I just sorta felt dirty the entire time. x_X) but I've had crushes before. I definitely have a thing for older men.. I've tried really hard to like guys my age but they really don't do it for me, and the thought of doing something sexual with someone that I'm not attracted to is really unappealing to me - proven by my one experience.

Anyway, I'm absolutely enamored with this guy. He's become my best friend and teacher (kinda) and I can tell that he likes me a lot. He calls me every day, I spend more time at his house than at mine (I stay at his house for at least half the week!), he's comfortable enough with me to walk around in his underwear, we've given each other full fledged back rubs, and we genuinely have fun together! I don't want to lose our good times to awkwardness, but every time we get into bed to watch a movie my mind wanders to sex and the painful urge to just do him becomes overbearing.

So what's the real problem? His signals are totally conflicted. he's touchy-feely and when he wants to take a nap he usually wants me to join him for it (in his bed.. not sexual, just a nap). as I said, he's in his underwear and he invites me over and insists on driving me places... but he's 41, and I get the vibe that the age difference is a problem for him. As I said, he's taken the role of "sensai" and I can tell that he sort of feels obligated to keep it that way. A large chunk of me understands completely, because 20 years IS a long period of experience between two people and I know that he'll want to have kids/ etc within the next few years because he feels old (even though I tell him he's not.. and he really isn't— he's in AMAZING shape). So I've been telling myself to get over my little obsession because the last thing that I want to do is make him uncomfortable or ruin the fun times that we have together. BUT, I'm really having some sexual frustrations here. Ultimately age isn't really a factor for me, but I've got a firm enough grip on reality to know that it's a problem for other people. heh

Some other points of interest: He knows I generally go for the older guys. He also knows that I've never had any relationships/experience before.

ANYWAY.. any advice on the situation (either how I can cool myself off without just not seeing him— because I don't think I've ever had this much fun with anyone before and I don't want to lose that, or how I can step it up without making it awkward for him. OR what to do to get the final "this is definitely [not] going to happen" without making it awkward for him because right now I'm really seriously getting the idea that he wants me just as much as I want him, but he holds back x_X) is much appreciated.

thanks

[sera300]

This guy is your teacher? And he drives you around places in his underwear?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sera - that is NOT what she said.

Now then - GO FOR IT! The man is waiting for you!

Men of this age are NOT going to 'let loose' until you, the younger woman, give him clear and definite signals that you want him. Nevermind that you do not know anything - that's his job - but a sensual kiss and the words "I want you to make love to me" should do the trick very nicely esp if you're both in bed at the time.


BTW sex is only 'dirty' if you're doing it in mud.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Sera - that is NOT what she said.

Now then - GO FOR IT! The man is waiting for you!

Men of this age are NOT going to 'let loose' until you, the younger woman, give him clear and definite signals that you want him. Nevermind that you do not know anything - that's his job - but a sensual kiss and the words "I want you to make love to me" should do the trick very nicely esp if you're both in bed at the time.


BTW sex is only 'dirty' if you're doing it in mud.

Tnx! I was a bit confused on those points!

If he is a fun guy have some fun w/him!

[yuna5]

yeah, go for it! He's a special guy. Probably trying not to mess up things with you by coming onto you. take the first step. it's what you want anyway.

[delilahduck]

Wow, well I'd say he obviously likes you. I have to be honest, and say I've found alot of guys are put of by virgins, and the fact they have to play the waiting game, or want a girl to know what she is doing, but maturer men prefer this. He obviously likes you, and maybe it is the fact you are a virgin (although you have shown you want to have sex, I don't think this is the case) or that there is an age gap. If so maybe make it clear you are not worried about the age gap, or perhaps talk to him, say that you just want to know if there is a chance, and if there isnt you want things to stay they same? I don't really know what to suggest, perhaps even let it play out a little more and he may give in.

[Brandye]

Reach down and start stroking his penis. You may be surprised by the result and, whatever way it goes, you will learn a lot about him and about yourself.

Make certain you have contraception available and already in place.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Actually, most maturer men HATE virgins. They would much rather be having fun than having to educate someone, deal with her inhibitions, calm her fears, etc and so forth which all becomes more like work than fun.

[machine_rat]

It almost sounds like you are TOO aware of the fact that you like older men, and are putting more debate into this issue of intimacy than you need to.

Perhaps he is waiting for you to make the first move.

Afterall, the court of public opinion doesn't look too kindly on 'cradle robbers'. Maybe he wants to be absolutly sure that everything you go forward with is truly your desire. If things were to go sour between you two, it would be very easy for you to paint him as a seducer and having coerced you into having sex.