When is best time to contact partner after a heated arguement.....

[snowman]

Basically my gf and I had a arguement yesterday where i have done something that has made her upset. I know this can sound like a cliche ( especially coming from a man) but i honestly dont know what it is i have done. With that in mind i kept asking her what it was that i had done to upset her. She said she doesnt want to talk about it and just wanted to go home. so i dropped her home, txt her last night saying i m sorry for upsetting you but i d like to know what it is i have done.

' ur not going to know cos i dnt want to tlk 2 u anytime soon, i know what u re like, so its not gna be a shock next time... i cant believe you!'

this really has not helped in me knowing what it is i have done.

I was just wondering when s a good time to contact her about it. i have left it today as i think some space is needed but i dont even know what best thing to say to her is!!


Any suggestions??

[EvilEvilKitten]

What you do is this: let it go. Act as if nothing had happened. Ignore the entire issue. If she wants to talk about it later, fine. If not, that's also fine. At this point, the ball is in her court. Take a deep breath. Let it out. Now go on with your life. Do NOT contact her until you have a definite date set up. That is to say an event, a time, a place, etc. Then you call and see if she can make it. If she can, good. Set the date and get off the phone right then. If not: go find someone else who can. Do NOT mention the spat. Do NOT ask "what have I done". Do NOT beg or plead or bargain. Either SHE communicates or you're gone should be your message.
Be a MAN not a boy toy.

Got it?

[snowman]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

What you do is this: let it go. Act as if nothing had happened. Ignore the entire issue. If she wants to talk about it later, fine. If not, that's also fine. At this point, the ball is in her court. Take a deep breath. Let it out. Now go on with your life. Do NOT contact her until you have a definite date set up. That is to say an event, a time, a place, etc. Then you call and see if she can make it. If she can, good. Set the date and get off the phone right then. If not: go find someone else who can. Do NOT mention the spat. Do NOT ask "what have I done". Do NOT beg or plead or bargain. Either SHE communicates or you're gone should be your message.
Be a MAN not a boy toy.

Got it?

Thanks eek, got the message loud and clear. I m not going to mention it at all i understand the concept behind it all but you say do not contact her until have a date etc can this just be me asking her if she wants to meet up ( we normally meet most nights for a few hours you see).

Thanks alot for the advice may i ask why it is she s saying i have done something but not telling me what it is?

[sera300]

She is saying you did something not to her liking & through not telling you directly she is exerting control over you, wanting you to drop to your knees & beg for her to tell you and to give in to her whims. A woman would have just come out and said "I did not like when you said X about me, or I felt you were disrespectful of me". See now she is holding the control by not being point blank w/you.

[snowman]

Originally Posted by sera300

She is saying you did something not to her liking & through not telling you directly she is exerting control over you, wanting you to drop to your knees & beg for her to tell you and to give in to her whims. A woman would have just come out and said "I did not like when you said X about me, or I felt you were disrespectful of me". See now she is holding the control by not being point blank w/you.

ok thanks alot for that.

well i didnt bother getting in contact with her and funnil enough she txt me saying its nearly end of day and you havent even bothered txting or calling me. i didnt really mind until my sister asked me 4-5 time today!!!

guess she's maybe trying to imply i m in the wrong or something on those lines

[EvilEvilKitten]

She's trying it on again. She's taking you for granted and playing little kid games. NO Do NOT ask her to 'hang out'. Set up a definite date type date. Hanging out is for kids. Show her you are serious by being serious.

As sera said, a woman would have told you straight forward what she was annoyed about. A woman would have discussed it and NOT flounced off in a tantrum or a huff.

You are asking her to 'step-up'. Do not make it easy for her by backing down.

[dancingdoc2]

> Do NOT contact her until you have a definite date set up. That is to say an event, a time, a place, etc. Then you call and see if she can make it. If she can, good. Set the date and get off the phone right then.

> > you say do not contact her until have a date etc can this just be me asking her if she wants to meet up ( we normally meet most nights for a few hours you see).

This means a proper date, meaning an event or something specific you arrange for the two of you to do. This does not mean hanging out at the mall or promenade, or park bench by the lake downtown.

[sera300]

You called her bluff by not giving in to her tantrum, she does not have you hanging by a thread; therefore, is attempting to get your attention. It's another manipulation technique. When YOU want to date her, call and ask her to a movie, dinner, event, etc--you set the time, place, and venue. You call the shots not her. You are struggling with control in the relationship, she wants to pull you around by the nose ring and ignore you until you dance the "I'll do anything for you" dance. Too bad for her, you call the shots & let her become somewhat submissive & respectful of you as person & as a man! And you treat her as a lady when she is deserving. Until then think of a two or three year olds behavior, that's what she is exhibiting.

Her calls are grasping as straws--she knows she is wrong!

[eminatic]

by showing her that you are moving on after the argument, you are telling her that she has two options- either she talks to you about it, or that she too, accepts that it is over and done with.

[dancingdoc2]

Good Sera.

In one of my books reference was made, however crude, that a woman works well within a relationship and feels confident and comfortable with in it when she knows her boundaries. It is not unlike a dog on a leash. The dog will pull and tug against the leash and once he knows how far he can go he stops and walks within that range quite contently. It is also mentioned that when she has confidence in the leadership of her man, that she can relax and feel protected, valued, and at peace.

Now, for the guys, leadership does not mean ruling the roost with an iron fist. Leadership in a relationship is through guiding either by consent or discussion and is derived at in partnership.