Strange situation.

[Toobig4luv]

Ok I have a few questions. I would like your guidance on this issue. I met this girl at work like a month ago. She seemed really shy and acted like she likes me. Over a week ago I invited her to an event with me later this month. She told me she would "get back to me." (What the hell does this mean.) I do realize she has a busy schedule with work, college and her family. Did I get shot down? She has changed a little since I asked her. I spoke to her the other day about how she had changed towards me and she said nothing has changed. I have noticed how she acts a lot happier talking to some of the other guys at work. What did I do wrong? The only thing I can think of was there was a night that I was getting bummed about work stuff and she asked me what was wrong and I replied nothing and she said it sounds like something is wrong and I never replied to her. I just simply didn't want to talk about it at work or at that moment. Ever since she has been a little cold towards me. How can I repair that? I have a bunch of coworkers that are telling me that it seems likely we will end up together but that initial fire seems like its out. What do I do?

[Maximilian]

sure, you can always play her and use game, but that only gets a girl in bed, not in a relationship.

just be yourself, maybe ask her to go grab lunch during your break, nothing thats intimate, just something to get 2 get chatting again.

hell, the girl could be gaming. playing hard to get, flirting with other guys, trying making you think that she is to good for you. If thats the case, i don't think you two are looking for the same things, relationship wise.

what ever it is, don't think about it to much, you'll only worry yourself and then u won't be any fun to hang with and all chances go down the drain. just relax, let it come to you, don't try to hard, but give her the time shes worth.

hope thats not to complicated, good luck with it Bigs

[sera300]

Perhaps she feels slightly awkward at work & around you? If she is shy she may find it easier to chat with other's then the one she is interested in. As far as the event, maybe she thought since you are asking so far in the future you have no real interest in her and just want an "arm-piece". Ask her about the specific date, what her schedule looks like for that day & say "why not catch a movie, dinner, etc" on Wed. this week?"

You were aloof and you are wondering why she is offish? Damned...you did ask her out for a time a month later???? BUT not before. You asked her for an escort in August for a late Sept. event...see???

[cjb1981]

It sounds like you were kind of a dick when she asked you if something was wrong. I'd start by telling her that I am sorry.

[Toobig4luv]

Yeah sera. I thought about what you are saying but our schedules at work must be made at a certain time in order to get the days off. Thats why I mentioned it so early. That and we where talking about time off and I intially thought that it would be a good time to ask. She was talking about how she loved events such as this one and always wanted to go another. I asked her straight up was that the issue and she said "no not at all". So did she lie about that? I left it as we could go as friends or other wise. I notice today she was a lot more comfortable around me still a little "offish" but she warmed up. I truly didn't mean to tick her off. What do you suggest? I have apologized to her and trying to make it right. Is this hopeless or what.


CJB:
I was not really meaning to be a dick and I did apologize. I really and truly am not used to someone caring rather I am alright or not. Believe me I know enough about her to know she has had a rough life the last thing I would want to do is hurt her. I did find out today she may be spitting game at me. I hadn't really thought about how it must have looked but the ladies at work give me hugs now and flirt with me. I am thinking she is trying to make me see how it bugs her how easily I can speak to the other girls at work. The good news is she is making friends with other girls at work and they are rooting for me so. Who knows. Bottom line is if I were to get into a relationship with her I would want her to know that no matter who I talk to I will always be with her and only her as well as vice versa.

[sera300]

Her being offish may be just due to yes, you do work together which can be awkward; if she is shy seeing others hugging you she may not know how to interpret your reactions; therefore, is cool to you--defensive mechanism.

Just let her know it was a bad day at work and you did not want to dump it on her since it's less then professional if you did such & you opted not to talk about it. Do not apologize for your actions.

Playing you? I doubt it. You are over thinking the whole scenario of when is a good time to get together, extend her an offer to get together soon, this week. If she cannot so be it but it shows you are interested. Call her to just say hi. Court her a bit but not to the point of being/looking foolish. There are times when schedules do conflict but when interested we know how to re-arrange our time for those we wish to get to know.

Just tell her you would like to get together this week since the event is so far off and say " how does X day look in your schedule; would you like to catch dinner or a movie, etc." Make certain to say I'd like to see you before September 25th (or whatever the date is)! You are not putting yourself on the line, rather asking what is a good time for her, let her come back with a counter offer for a time. Do not do this at work, call her and ask.

I have male friends who are players big time; they keep their schedules busy (which is really a BS line, they tell me the truth) and ask someone out on a date to get a drink right then & there and then ask for a date later on since they are so busy. Sort of goes like " want to get a quick drink, I have a few hours before my best friends/mother's 50th birthday"; then ask her out due to such a horrible schedule say on Oct. 15th. And that date is the elaborate "pre-planned" ones. They have "canned dates" such as "oh on the 15th if its a nice day why not go on a picnic (or a fancy restaurant)" depending on the woman & her particular interests. Quick answer is they have a line of women they are penciling in for upcoming "fun" with these lines to lure them by tugging at the heart strings to make them feel special or they choose a day calling of their other plans. Yes, they are real dogs...

Now if you are sincere; ask her out this week a I suggested. Pick a day, if she is not avail. try to pinpoint her down for another one. Work it until you find a day/hour in common. Do not ask her again if she is certain she wants to get together (sounds wimpy), be confident, even if she shoots you down, put yourself out there!

Remember office romances can go sour and end up hateful or despising one another! This can be part of the reluctance on her behalf.

[Toobig4luv]

Ok well like I said The issue from last week is over and done with. I really don't even know if this is worth it. Yeah we work together but not side by side. She has a better paying sales job and I work physical labor in an other department. I think the biggest problem is I am responsible for her department. So whens things don't get done I must come down on her crew. I just don't know. Most guys at work are dating women that work there so It can be done. I honestly do not want to date someone I work with but I really think she is awesome. I am truly a nice person but sometimes at work I must be a professional *******. I may see if she wants to hang out this week. She left this morning for a small trip so maybe when she gets back on friday i will ask her does she want to chill. I really don't have her phone number so I guess I would get that first. I guess I could be over thinking the issues. I do that to everything. I guess thats why I get paid to do it at work.

[browneyedgirl]

I dunno, but if I told a guy I would "get back to him" it would mean that I felt bad saying no and wanted to stall so that I could make up something else that I was doing that day or in the hopes that he would forget. My thought is that she just feels really awkward because she likes you but not in a romantic way, and since you work together she feels weird being upfront about that. By being cold to you she can estrange herself and act as though you did something wrong, while in reality she feels bad and doesn't know how to act. Just my two cents.