"Just Friends"

[xkatex]

Im sure many people here have heard the words "Ithink we should just be friends" So i need a little help with something.

Basically, long story short. There is this guy I really cared about, we "hooked up" a few times and everything seemed dandy. He broke up with me but still wanted to be "friends with benefits" not a problem for me I could handle it. Then one night at a party he texted me asking if I wanted to hang out. I told him i was at a friends going away party and if he wanted to he could come. He said only if there was hot chicks there. Kinda a blow to the face. He just recently broke up with his new girlfriend whom he cried over by the way and now hes asking about hot chicks.

Needless to say he never showed cause I told him i was leaving early that night, which I did, because I had to work. The next day we got in an arguement and he basically told me that he just wanted to be friends andnothing more and if I couldnt get over him then we shouldnt even be talking.

Now I know the smart thing to do is move on and after him saying that and realising that even though we had something special before, its not there now. He said its because "he got to know me better" and he thinks we would be better off "just friends" because he "cant see us together".

Smart thing to do? Move on I know that, but what he said was a real kick in the face if you know what I mean. like I dont understand how someone can just change their minsd so quickly. Can anyone give me some 'gentle' perspective here...im not exactly ready to be torn apart if you know what I mean. Also he told me his buddy was setting him up on a blind date tonite and that he wanted me to get one of my friends to go with his buddy. What the hell I just need someone to explain whats going on in his mind and what will be the most easiest and fastest way to move on.

[sera300]

Easiest way to move on? Get this guy out of your life & stop allowing him to make you look like the door mat. Friends do not hurt each other.

[dancingdoc2]

1. Asked and answered. You have described a plan, now work it.

2. As the expression goes, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
He's interested in you only because you agreed to his FWB terms.

3. He wants to play the field, you want to hang on in order to "fix him", seems to me.

4. His condition to attending the party is valid, it is only a hit in the face because you are hanging on hoping for more commitment from him that you already know is not there.

5. His way of informing you that the status of your relationship has changed was a bit callous and insensitive, although this may be the result of inexperience, or, simply his personality. Either way, his terms now seem to be FWB or move on. He's not going to drop you as long as you keep putting out. So it seems to me that the kicks in the face you keep referring to are because you are permitting it. Smart thing to do? See #1.

6. Nobody likes being "torn apart" by someone we have an investment in, yet it happens all the time. Breaking up is hard to do regardless of who initiates the action.

> even though we had something special before, its not there now. He said its because "he got to know me better" and he thinks we would be better off "just friends" because he "cant see us together".

> I dont understand how someone can just change their minsd so quickly. Can anyone give me some 'gentle' perspective here.

7. Back when I was dating, I would meet someone and invite her to dinner at a restaurant. The thinking is that the door swings both ways and whether or not something comes of the meeting or not, the time spent resulted in a good dinner, some conversation, and was better than the time spent watching reruns on TV. If the conversation and meeting went well, then we could agree to explore further and have a date. If the date went well, good, if not, then we found out we were not compatible before emotions complicated matters. Whether or not this determination was made by her or me, is immaterial. Whether it was determined during the dinner meeting or sometime after doesn't matter.

It is possible for a person to size someone up within a few minutes to a couple of hours and if one or the other decides that s/he is not our type then they end the evening and leave having had a nice dinner. This is why I say the restaurant door swings both ways. No harm no foul.

What appears to be going on in his mind is what I just described. More often than not it is a woman who can size up a person or a situation quicker than a man. In your situation, it seems as if you want a relationship and are willing to hang in there even when you know there is no hope for success. This is not wrong, only impractical as you have recognized.

[Sweet Love]

I'm sorry that your "friend" was such a schmuck. If he was your friend first and foremost, than friends don't treat friends the way he treated you. You are better than that and you are not the type of person who would be that way. I know his actions are confusing but by just reading your post I could tell that he only cares for himself and he doesn't respect his ownself to be able to be so callous to you. That he saw opportunities to take advantage of you for his greater sake. If I were you I would be "over it", its done and in the past....you deserve better and better friends. Don't sweat this guy, believe in karma, what goes around comes around.

[browneyedgirl]

Don't demean yourself by trying with him more. He told you that if you couldn't get over him, that you shouldn't even be talking. Isn't that a clear enough signal here? Who knows why he broke things off suddenly? But does it matter at this point? This guy is not interested in you whatsoever. I know that's hard, but if you keep trying to make it work with him, you will only humiliate yourself and annoy him. Don't pour your self esteem into one guy like this. My advice is to lay off and not have any contact with him. Once you have moved on with someone else or are content by yourself again, then you can be friends with him if you both still want to be. Otherwise, consider this the end. He's not a very good friend and he's certainly not going to be your boyfriend.