first girlfriend

[zoecube]

Just curios i've never had a girlfriend and I am average looking plus i've heard women like confidence but I don't consider myself that confident is it still possible to get a girlfriend

[xkatex]

If you dont have confidence...fake it. Not all girls like a cocky guy. When your around a girl, what I find works for my guy friends, is to act like you just want to be their friend first, but paying more interest in them then to anyone else around you. Just relax and be youself cause if you fake it the girl will figure it out sooner or later, we tend to be intelligent that way.

[dancingdoc2]

> If you dont have confidence...fake it.

Good point; although I have a problem with "fake it". To me this implies insincerity. Better me thinks to "act" your way to success. The more you act like you have confidence, the more confidence you will acquire particularly if you have to make decisions regarding dates and other activities the two of you will eventually become involved in doing.

> Not all girls like a cocky guy.

Yup, how true; although having a lack of confidence does not necessarily lead to being cocky. It can also manifest itself as being wimpy, indecisive, wishy-washy, or simply deferring to someone else's decision making, something women do not want to always do.

> When your around a girl, what I find works for my guy friends, is to act like you just want to be their friend first, but paying more interest in them then to anyone else around you. Just relax and be youself cause if you fake it the girl will figure it out sooner or later, we tend to be intelligent that way.

Points made.

Now, let me ask you this: What areas of your life do you believe require that you exhibit more confidence? If you can list these, perhaps we can offer additional and specific insight that will directly help you.

[cyclefreak]

Hmm, people always say 'relax and be yourself', but in my experience that doesn't work. Whenever I do that, I find that women only ever want to be my friend, but nothing more than that. You know, the cursed nice guy syndrome!

It always seems to me that women are putting you to the test. You are expected to be confident, and take charge of situations, but not to the point where you are cocky and arrogant. But you are also expected to be sensitive and caring when she wants you to be. Its damn near impossible for any guy to be all of that for a woman, so a certain amount of faking is inevitable.

Despite what people say, women don't seem to appreciate honesty. Now, when I say honesty, I'm not talking about fidelity. They DO expect fidelity, but they don't necessarily want to know what your feelings are.

I think this is where I've been going wrong over the years. I've always been honest and open with women. Too honest, I think, with the result that I probably reveal a bit too much about myself. The result always seems to be that women are happy to talk to me, but they are not interested in anything much beyond that. Only problem is that I'm not very good at faking.

[sera300]

Cycle:

Want to move to the US? LOL! Make a choice; friend, lover, partner, etc.

Women want a man who has some confidence; who is not afraid to be the man he is good bad or indifferent, with some caring attributes. Wimpy? Nope, please do not our your heart on your sleeve more then I do...and no PMS issues.

If a man is confident does not make him cocky; it means he is not afraid to chat to us. As I am not afraid to walk up & begin talking to a man. It's all in how you do it.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Confidence is knowing who you are and what you want and NOT being afraid to live the kind of life you wish to live. If you have that, you can get a girlfriend.

Now then Cycle, honey, it is not that you're honest and open - it is that you are not demanding enough from your ladies. Sincerity works in both directions yes, but you have to make the point early and up front that you want MORE than just friends. Just be a nice big teddybear who sticks to his purpose. I recommend using the "eye kiss" and the "finger caress" techniques. These are two subtle signals you can properly use in public to indicate to women that a sexual relationship is desired. They also indicate that you're damn good in bed too.

[cjb1981]

Confidence is great, but if you're funny and smart you can get a girlfriend, confident or not. That being said, if you're not confident in yourself to the point of being a nervous wreak around women, neither funny or smart can help that. But if you have the nerve to talk to a woman, humor and intelligence, they work too.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Funny and smart comes afterwards - if you want to capture her attention in the first place - you need to exude some level of confidence.

[browneyedgirl]

Just get out there and meet people. Men and women. If you put yourself in social situations and start making friends, you will increase your confidence instantly. If you're the type of guy who plays video games all day, don't! Give yourself a limit, like 2 hours a day. If you stay in your house all the time, promise yourself that you will go out for at least 5 hours. The number of hours I am giving are arbitrary, but you get the point. Put yourself out there. For now, it doesn't matter where you go. School, a book store, a coffee shop. Whenever you have an opportunity to strike up a conversation, or even smile, say hello, or laugh with the checkout clerk, DO IT. Just try. If you're shy now, it will help you come out of your shell. If you do this, in a couple weeks if not sooner you will start to meet people, make friends, or reconnect with old ones. Why bother making platonic friends? Because it will help you build confidence, and it will make you happier with your life and with yourself. The more you see that people like you and want to be friends with you, the more confidence you'll build. Not to mention that the more you get out of your house and do stuff, the cooler you'll feel. Plus, don't forget that you can meet potential girlfriends in unlikely places. Maybe you'll be friends at first who turn into more. Maybe she'll be the sister of a new friend. Just be yourself.

My boyfriend was not confident when we first started going out. I have helped him build confidence over the two years that we've been together, and he is getting there. But he still has his insecurities, which I am helping him get over. When we started going out I was sick of cocky guys who just liked my looks, and my boyfriend was pretty much the antithesis of that. Well, he likes my looks, but that's not all he likes about me. He is more on the geeky, shy side, and I think it's really cute. So it takes all kinds!

Don't worry about finding a girlfriend. You will probably find one where you least expect it. Just be yourself. The biggest problem I think with guys who are on the less confident side is that some of them get so nervous around girls that they start acting really fake and weird. Don't try pickup lines. Don't try to be smooth. The thing about confidence that is attractive is that you are comfortable being yourself and you don't have to put on any acts. Shy guys don't need to put on an act, but a lot of times they feel like they do. Girls are not that different from guys. I am a pretty, feminine girl who likes action movies and cartoons. I definitely have my dorky side. So don't sweat it.