Confused ... led on & lied to?

[Morbid]

Well this girl I have been talking to was also talkin to this other guy. This guy is a jerk, I mean he told her he had a surprise for her and the surprise was that he was talking to another girl! She told me when I found out she was over him and she didn't know he was like that. I know she likes me and she knows I like her, tonight we were at a party and we were havin a good time but then he showed up towards the end and she told me she didn't know he was coming and she didn't want him there, but yet the rest of the night she was hanging around him, like they were dating. I never seen them hold hands or kiss or anything of that sort, just standin together and playin around. I felt awkward the rest of the night which I'm sure didn't put any points up for me because I felt out of place around it. A friend of mine told me she has been dating him for the past few days, which was when she told me she was over him.

I am just really confused and hurt right now because I feel like I have been lead on and lied to. I never would have thought her to do anything of that sort but I'm leaning towards her not telling me to keep me in the picture, so I wouldn't be blown off because she likes me, but then again it's worse because I feel she is playin with me and keeping me as a backup or something...

What do you guys think about this situation?

[dancingdoc2]

This is exactly why I reply over and over again why it is not a good idea for teens especially to have exclusive relationships. In a word: D R A M A. Now, I understand that you have not established any relationship yet all this "stuff" between and among people is what you won't have if you just date and date lots of people without making it an exclusive relationship.

So, my recommendation is to either wait for the situations with the other people to sort themselves out, or, just work on finding others to date who are more interested in you than someone else.

[tikteka57]

To much bs just try and stop thinking about her and move on

[oedipussy]

Well, you didn't exactly provide too much information, but this seems pretty simple: You're not assertive enough, and he is. He'll always win, and you'll always lose. You're only there to console her when she gets hurt. And then after you do she'll go right back to him. Right now you're little more than a doormat to her...

Time to grow some stones. No girl is interested in a weak, timid man. What you SHOULD'VE done at that party: grabbed her arm, taken her somewhere private, and just KISSED her. End of story. Act with confidence. And get in touch with your inner jerk - that's obviously what she wants.

You're "talkin' to her"? What the hell does that mean? Having a conversation with a girl doesn't make her your girlfriend. She's free to do whatever she likes at this point.

[sera300]

What do I think? RUN AWAY!

[Morbid]

Oedi your not helping here, when everyone else pretty much is. You don't know me and you are calling me a weak timid man with no confidence. You are basically telling me to go up to some random girl whos dancing with a guy and just take her away from him. You might call that ballsy, I call that an *******. I am not her fallback guy. She's not talked to me about problems with him or anything, so I haven't comforted her at all. The main thing here is that she was dating him and told me different for reasons I have yet to find out. When I find out, then I will decide to stop thinking about her or to keep on. Oedi think about your advice before giving it and don't be an ass..

[oedipussy]

You asked what people thought about this situation, and I answered. I thought this whole topic was about why she chose this other guy over you? - I gave you my theory on that. It's the classic tale of "Nice Guys Finish Last". I didn't call you a weak, timid man - I said that women don't care for weak, timid men. Obviously, I don't know you. I was going on what you posted and gave you some general advice on life. I stand by it...

Some random girl? Yeesh, from what you said in your first post it sounded like you actually knew this girl fairly well.

My point was, if you want something, you take a chance and go for it. Her being with another guy isn't your problem - as far as you should be concerned, he doesn't even exist.

As for her reasoning for not telling you she was dating him, I doubt it's a big conspiracy. She probably just didn't want to hurt your feelings...

[Morbid]

First off, the random girl thing was a hypothetical example. If I had just grabbed her arm, pulled her off somewhere private out of everyone standing there just hanging out and kissed her, that would either start a fight, or give me a really bad name, such as gf stealer or so. You might think that just because my age group, me being 17, are only dating and generally are not in exclusive relationships, that trying to hook up with a girl while she's with someone already is okay, well it's not. It's rude and an ******* move, I wouldn't want some guy to come and do that to my gf while I'm standing right next to her.

[oedipussy]

Yeah, whatever... This is getting annoying. I honestly don't give a piss about what happens in your life. I thought you posted this because you were looking for some advice - but I guess you just wanted to whine and cry. My mistake...

Just so you know, there's a big difference between dating and being in a relationship. You said she was dating him. In the future, be clear in what you write.

You're entitled to believe whatever you want to believe. I made no assumptions about your age group seeing how you never actually said how old you were. I'm not a damn psychic.

[Ducy]

Originally Posted by oedipussy

Well, you didn't exactly provide too much information, but this seems pretty simple: You're not assertive enough, and he is. He'll always win, and you'll always lose. You're only there to console her when she gets hurt. And then after you do she'll go right back to him. Right now you're little more than a doormat to her...

Time to grow some stones. No girl is interested in a weak, timid man. What you SHOULD'VE done at that party: grabbed her arm, taken her somewhere private, and just KISSED her. End of story. Act with confidence. And get in touch with your inner jerk - that's obviously what she wants.

You're "talkin' to her"? What the hell does that mean? Having a conversation with a girl doesn't make her your girlfriend. She's free to do whatever she likes at this point.

OH MY GOD oedipussy i applaude thee lol. took the words right out of my mout...morbid....you are the fallback guy...you might not think it...but you are...she lied to you...said she wasnt seeing him but was...yeah you may not have "helped her" with anything but your getting jerked around...she knows you like her...and she says she "likes" you too...well that just keeps you on a leash...trust me...i know...this story sounds so very very familiar....oh wait this happened to me about 6 months ago...oh and one other thing...dont post if your not ready to take the replies...because i dont always get the exact advice that i have wanted but i take it without complaining....