Trying to get a date

[Knight]

This summer I started to work at an ice cream store, and this one person I had trained under for a bit I found to be very attractive (I'm 20 and were very close in age). I had only seen her twice before I was transferred to a secondary location. Now I would very much like to go out with her (on a date).

During the two occasions I got to chat with her a bit and we got along friendly. I guess were just acquaintances now. I found out that she studies at the same university as me but the chances of me running into her are null. I was thinking of dropping by her location and asking if she wanted to go someplace and just hang out for a bit.

Now the reason I am posting this on this forum is that I need feedback. If you only saw someone twice and then 6 weeks later (the actual time difference) they come by and ask you out on a date, would that creep you out?

I have no idea what she would think and no one here can answer for her, but the above question still goes through my mind. I am very shy and not really a risk-taker. When I think about it, I don't really have anything to lose, there isn't really any risk involved but I'm still getting real nervous. I never really had success with women (they few times that I have asked one out) so I don't know how I should go about it to make it seem less creepy.

Of course, to anyone reading this it is very easy to say: "Knight, just grow a set and ask her", but you are not affected by any of this. If things turn sour (why am I being pessimistic?) you won't feel embarrassed or weak. I, however, will.

So again, any constructive feedback or advice would be wonderful.

I wish I wasn't the cowardly lion.

[oedipussy]

Originally Posted by Knight

Of course, to anyone reading this it is very easy to say: "Knight, just grow a set and ask her", but you are not affected by any of this. If things turn sour (why am I being pessimistic?) you won't feel embarrassed or weak. I, however, will.

You're right, that's exactly what I was going to say. It's time to get over your fear and lack of confidence if you ever want to have some kind of a life. Seems to me like you're so comfortable with the way things are, even though you're not completely happy, that you're not willing to take a chance to make things better for yourself. You can't fail if you don't try, but you can't succeed either. Stop worrying about embarrassment (sometimes it's just a part of life) and go for it. Like you said, you have nothing to lose. What's the worst that could happen, really? She says no? Pfft... What if you chose not to ask her and she would've said yes? That's the worst thing that could happen.

"Well son, the funny thing about regret is that it's better to regret something you have done than to regret something that you haven't done" - Butthole Surfers

So, in conclusion, Knight, just go grow a set!

[sera300]

Okay, it's been said...but let the shyness go and work on appearing (and becoming) confident.

So, you met her and had a good conversation, you also have somethings in common. As a woman would I think it odd if someone I've seen twice returned and asked me on a date? NOPE. But don't ask her to "hang out", that sounds wishy-washy. Ask her out for a drink (if you are old enough) or for a casual dinner out (so you can talk & it's easy going). If you cannot do either ask her to see a movie she has interest in.

Pick a time, such as X day, and if she cannot try another day for her. if she shys away then let it go.

[Knight]

ok, thank you for your responses. I guess my asking her after 6 weeks after having last seen her would NOT be creepy. I suppose if I do drop by I should emphasize that I would like to go on an actual date. Is it ok to say "date"? I thought the words "hang out" would make it seem more at ease but Sera300 disagrees.

What I had in mind was going to Montreal's (where I live) old port, plenty of places to eat and there is paddle boating. We would do this stuff for maybe 1hr or so, not too long but long enough so we can have enough time to get to know each other.

Does paddle boating sound stupid? I don't know what she likes so I am trying to pick something neutral.

More constructive advice please!

[oedipussy]

Originally Posted by Knight

I suppose if I do drop by I should emphasize that I would like to go on an actual date.

Not if, WHEN...

Is it ok to say "date"? I thought the words "hang out" would make it seem more at ease but Sera300 disagrees.

Well, I suppose if you two don't really know each other that well it would probably be better to avoid that word for now. If you've only had a few brief conversations so far asking her for a date might intimidate her. After "hanging out" once or twice you should ask her out on a "date". But if you do know each other fairly well, just do as sera said.

What I had in mind was going to Montreal's (where I live) old port, plenty of places to eat and there is paddle boating. We would do this stuff for maybe 1hr or so, not too long but long enough so we can have enough time to get to know each other.

Does paddle boating sound stupid? I don't know what she likes so I am trying to pick something neutral.

Hmm, I think you should keep your first date casual - take her somewhere where you two can just walk around and talk. A park, maybe? Going paddle boating doesn't seem conducive to good conversation... But do whatever you like.

[sera300]

If a guy asked me to "hang out" I would not be expecting a date...just to hang around like he does with his buddies.

[Knight]

well I don't want to intimidate her (or myself) by setting up an actual "date" first. I was thinking it would be better to just chill/hang out a few times so we can get used to each other (and ease into this) and THEN I would ask her out on an official date. ....Unless she just says no.

I am thinking of dropping by the place of work today to see if she is there, and if she isn't, to find out when she will so I can see her and ask. Darn I'm getting nervous.

Update coming soon.

[Brandye]

Everyone we have ever dated was a stranger at the outset. You have to start somewhere and the beginning of a relationship includes some risk. Deal with it.

[Knight]

Well, I went by the place of work and turns out she is on vacation and will remain so for the next week and a bit. So call off the infantry, put away the balloons and dim the lights, nothing is happening so far. Fortunately, there will still be about a week of vacation afterwards so there may yet be opportunities.

But I do have a question: would it be suitable to get her a flower for the first date or would that be too much? intimidating? creepy?

I'm not even thinking about the first kiss now.

All this excitement is bad for the heart

Until then,

[sera300]

If she accepts a DATE--not a "hang out with me" night; a flower or a small bouquet is VERY nice (and proper)! Two ways to my heart? One is flowers and the other is good sex with plenty of oral. Work on the flowers for now, LOL!