Friends with benifits

[CRUSHEDandCONFUSED]

So there is this guy. His name is Mike. We've known each other since forever. And our Moms are like best friends. A few months ago we started talking alot on AIM. Then we found that we liked each other as more than friends. He says that he wants to be friends with benifits because then things don't get complicated and he likes being single. But I've been in love alone before and I don't want that to happen again. I tell him that I want to but I can't. We go over this like every week. How do I convince him that things would be better if we had a relationship? Can I convince him? Everytime we dicuss having a relationship I feel like theres just something hes not telling me. Should we be friends with benifits? *By the way were 16* (And I do know what love is. Don't try to tell me taht I don't.)

[sera300]

Remain friends. Maintaining a FWB relationship takes dedication by both that your feelings do not cross into love--one in love and the other not. Just tell him you are not capable of handling that right now. Date & date many, many men.

[CRUSHEDandCONFUSED]

I know this guy his name is Mike. He wants to be FWB but I can't do that emotionally and I've told him that but still we dicuss it like every week. How do I get him to want a relationship? He doesn't want one cuz he thinks it would screw up our friendship afterwards. I try to tell him that it won't. How do I convince him?!

[sera300]

You don't convince a man that he really does want a relationship. There is NOTHING you can do, if you just sleep with him it will not make him change his mind. Just be a friend and date others.

[browneyedgirl]

"He is just not that into you." There is a book by that title that you should read. If he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would be. What do you hear people complaining about more - not having a serious relationship (someone to love, hug, have sex with, be with, to understand you, to stroke your hair, to offer stability and comfort unconditionally) or not having enough friends? If your answer was "friends" then go on believing that he really doesn't want to screw up the friendship. Friends are great, but if he liked you like that, he would rather have a relationship with you. The fact is, he wants to have sex with you, he doesn't want to be emotionally involved with you or have the responsibility of being your boyfriend.

Sera is right, you cannot convince him. And even if you could? Why would you? You deserve someone who feels the way about you that you feel about them. You deserve a meaningful relationship with someone who cares about you and wants more than sex from you. You should not have to settle. When you find someone who you are truly compatible with, you will not have to convince them to be in a relationship with you - aside from some good old fashioned flirting and an inviting smile.

[sera300]

A good book, very quick read, which points out the obvious, repetitious, mistakes women make is: Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives.

It's a bit sarcastic illustrated by true examples but it points out mistakes commonly made.

[CRUSHEDandCONFUSED]

Is it a good idea to be friends with benifits THEN have a relationship after you get closer?

[sera300]

Stop trying to find ways to finagle this guy into a relationship--you will end up getting hurt.

[dancingdoc2]

> He says that he wants to be friends with benifits because then things don't get complicated and he likes being single. But I've been in love alone before and I don't want that to happen again. I tell him that I want to but I can't. We go over this like every week. How do I convince him that things would be better if we had a relationship? Can I convince him?

You cannot convince him. If he wants a relationship, he will be not only be telling you this, but doing things to back up his verbal statements.

You are both correct, just on different pages. Your need to have a relationship is valid. His desire to remain foot-loose and fancy free is also valid. What both of you should understand is that dating is probably more important to your education and maturity than a "relationship" is at this stage of life. Therefore, it is my recommendation that you date lots of boys over the next several years. Why?

The purpose of dating is so we can sample what humanity has to offer. It is not about stopping with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us.

In order to make an informed decision when it comes time to select Mr. or Ms. Right, we'll all do a much better job the more exposure we have to the characters, quirks, likes, dislikes, values, morals, ideals, interests, goals, etc., we learn about.

A major disadvantage to dating exclusively people have during the teen years are drama and heartache. If you do not have a "relationship" you eliminate these traumas. This is not to say or suggest that you cannot date someone all the time, just that it is unwise at this stage of maturity and development to commit.

At 16, I'm willing to bet that his main focus with FWB is to get his rocks off any way possible. He is being more upfront and forthright than many young men would be, so give him lots of credit for honesty. He is wanting to do what many a young guy wants to do and this is to "sew his wild oats" and learn about people, places, and, the world around him and his place within it. You should be interested in finding yourself, also; developing lots of friendships, going on lots of dates with lots of boys, and learning what is important to you from how they act, behave, and talk. The more people you date, the more dates you will likely have, and the more adventures you will experience. All these experiences help us all mature.

How many weeks and how many times have you told him that you do not want a FWB arrangement? Enough is enough. He'll probably keep at it each week in an attempt to whittle away and wear you down. Stick you your guns, tell him "end of discussion" and why--quoting the above if necessary.

If he continues to try and convince you, just break it off. Remember, gals mature (physically and mentally) sooner than guys. Give the lad a couple of years to catch up.