My Choice - Moving In

[CrazyJenny]

I kind of got the dirty feeling today again when I got home..... I'm sure my girlfriend thinks I'm pretty weird, but this time she dealt with it differently, and actually made the feeling go away! I did my curled-up-on-the-floor thing, and instead of trying to get me to leave and act "normal", she told me that if I thought I was dirty, she had no problem being dirty too. We ended up sitting together on the floor in the kitchen, and finally took a shower and it's all better now. I'm not sure why it worked, but it did.

Maybe I do need to see a counselor, though, because it's probably something to do with my parents. I remember my mother's famous comment about sex.... "Don't you ever do that until you're married!" Well, here's to you, Mom, 'cause it's happened already! I'm discovering that my girlfriend has faced alot of opposition from parents and relatives, so maybe she can help me with my own problems, while I help her with hers. Would it also be a good idea to get counseling together as well?

[sera300]

My best amateur guess is; it went way b/c you had someone who cares about you (I believe your parents household had not much affection or it was very distant--just a guess) and the degree of overt caring may be less then what you needed growing up. Also, I do see where acceptance is not a trait they demonstrated; kids need to know their parents may not approve of their actions but STILL love them unconditionally; thus, I am stating you need a more nurturing environment where there is acceptance/unconditional love demonstrated. You fear disapproval from those who love you; your parents I am certain do love you but have a different way to show it, or one to your liking. You may also being trying to rid yourself of the perceived guilt/shame/filth & punishing yourself deeming yourself as not worthy. Cleansing can temporarily make yourself clean.

Waiting until marriage? This is a very Catholic teaching regarding purity and lacking acceptance for being a sexual human. I recall a Priest stating sex is for propagation alone; you are to live as brother & sister unless you wish to reproduce & you take children at God's will. You can fault your parents but it's their beliefs...I do not believe God lacks understanding as we are taught. We are his "children" & absolved of sin if truly sorry for what we did (or not). After all, we were created human. It's a guideline as to how to live your life being a good person & not judgemental as we are taught. Being raised strict Catholic, I had to come to terms with my life & sexuality. Much of my beliefs were formed as looking throughout history as "HOW" Catholicism came about. Remember back to the years where in Italy one day they were Pagans, had slaves for entertainment in Pompeii and then warriors/athletes in the coliseum for entertainment of the populous? Many were left to die a brutal death which was inhumane if they failed in the competition. Then, one day (by the rulers) there was a switch from Paganism to Christianity. What I did not mention was the entire sex "freedom" and those who did as they wished; demonstrated at Pompeii (and other places). People went as far as slaughtering animals for sacrifices to the God's to keep the God's happy. One day LITERALLY the religion was Pagan the next it was Catholic--a vast swing though dictatorship. The current practice of Pagans strike a healthy balance of do not harm yet remain sexually free, etc. Today, Catholicism remains stricter then it was under the previous Pope.

My point as a woman who has had her religion challenged, yet remains Catholic since it's within me--live a good life, be a good & kind person daily, and the rest is immaterial. It's very difficult to take the religion out of a person if you have been raised in one, I have tried and failed. Your parents know no better. I do believe people look for leadership & buy into what is dictated HONESTLY because they are weak minded, do not think on their own, and believe they will be sent to eternal damnation. Why do I believe this? I could go on with the ambiguity of teachings of Catholicism but it will not help you. You need to be comfortable with what your believe & live life accordingly. However, disowning and denouncing your religion is VERY difficult since it hold some values for you! Strike a healthy balance, as with everything, it's an "institution". God does forgive; many openly gays/lesbians participate in Catholicism.

Find a good counselor!

I believe you have to look at all these issue before you allow your parents to dictate & working through this with a therapist (preferably a psychologist or psychiatrist) will point you in a healthy path, then follow up with a counselor as you need. You have a rough road ahead & your emotional & physical health comes first. But you need to understand it so you are then at peace.