I don't want to have to beg to give him a blowjob...

[unintentionally]

Hi, I thought maybe someone could give me some advice. I've been dating my boyfriend for something like seven months now, and we're pretty serious. Generally, he is the ideal guy. Except....how do I say this?
We are sexually active. My only problem is that it doesn't happen often enough. If it were up to me, we'd be having some kind of sex at least once a day, if not much more often. He enjoys sex just as much as I do, but those stereotypical gender roles, where the guy wants sex constantly and the girl just doesn't feel like it sometimes? It's switched here. Half the time, it seems as though the idea just didn't occur to him. I have absolutely no insecurities about him secretly not being attracted to me; he's made it clear that that is by no means the issue. Is there any way I can jumpstart his libido? Or is this one of those things that you just have to accept in a relationship? I've tried talking to him about it, but apparently he has just never really had a very high sex drive. He enjoys it whenever I initiate it, but it takes about a week for him to initiate anything if I don't. It's not as much fun if I always have to be the one to bring it up. So if any of you have some recipe for an aphrodisiac I can slip in his morning coffee, help me out, would you?

[lovesfool]

i have the same problem, she never wants to return the favours tho either, always "tired"

[sera300]

Sounds as if you have two different libidos, talk to him about your needs and see if he is willing to compromise. If he is happy the way life is you need to decide if it works for you too. No magic pills to fix it--communication is key.

[Morbid]

You can try turning him on more often, if it is you initiating most of your sexual activities, try teasing him somehow more often, make him want to have sex with you, but whatever you do, don't try to force it, no one should change for another person but as sera put it, communication will help you more than anything.

[EvilEvilKitten]

If you look around this site, you will see that nothing brings more long lasting misery than mis-matched libidos between partners. You can communicate all you want and some can compromise BUT in this situation everyone loses.

Your choices are:

1. Join the crowd in their misery.
2. Get yourself a second guy to take up the slack and act as "back-up".
3. Trade this guy in for one who does have a libido as strong as yours.

Good luck!

[unintentionally]

I wouldn't want to 'trade him in'...he isn't the type to take that very well...I'd feel so bad, you know? Just because we don't have enough sex, I'm dumping you?
In any case, I did talk to him, as suggested previously, and he's been making a much more serious effort lately. I think he didn't realize I was serious when I told him before... I'm just going to hope it lasts for longer than a few weeks.

[ItalStall]

If he is willing to make an effort - and you are willing to "look after yourself" occasionally - then it might work.

But EEK is right ... significantly unbalanced libidos are a sure recipe for long-term misery. If a fulfilling sex life is important to you (and why shouldn't it be!?), don't be so quick to write it off as not being a significant criteria to a long and happy relationship.

[EvilEvilKitten]

After 20 years of of the same nonsense from him, trust me, you'd have stopped caring if he didn't take it well. Women tend to be too accomodating towards their men. They also hang on too long. And if it doesn't last more than a few weeks - you're right back where you started with him. He now feels pressured and then dumps you for being a nag? That is better somehow? I stand by my previous post. If your libidos do not match, the relationship should be allowed to end.

[unintentionally]

Okay, you've convinced me...if this doesn't last, and he doesn't continue making an effort, then I won't hang on. At the moment, though, I haven't got a complaint, so I'm not going to be hasty. Aside from the sex thing (which he enjoys as much as I do no matter how often we do it...it's just getting him to initiate that's the problem), he really is the best sort of boyfriend. Listens to me, takes me seriously, we're complete equals, he's got the whole funny, smart, sexy thing going for him too...I'm not looking for a reason to end it. But if this doesn't last, I will. Thanks!