Weekend with my girlfriend

[CrazyJenny]

Okay, I guess I've been at this long enough to move away from the "New to Sex" section.

I spent the weekend with my gf because she had some time off. I'm still wondering about moving in with her (see my other thread from last week), but I haven't quite decided. We've been together for almost seven weeks now, and while dancingdoc2 will say that we're still in the "mutual admiration society" phase, I think things have progressed.

My biggest surprise - she told me that she is in love with me. I hadn't thought she'd say it so soon, but it feels good. I'm still a bit confused about what I'm actually trying to get right now - sex or affection (or maybe both?). She and I spent some sexual time together, and finally found a couple of techniques I like, but the sex still isn't quite what I've wanted. The affection, however, is! And the more I'm with her, the more I realize that I haven't ever had a truly affectionate relationship with anyone, and I've really missed out on alot. I've also become aware that my gf is in the same situation, and so it feels like we're hyper-affectionate. You could say that we're "love starved."

So what should my next step be? I want to be closer to her because our schedules don't match very well, but that would make moving in necessary and several people on this forum have recommended that I not move in yet. I know it's too early to say that what we have is real or lasting, and there are alot of potential problems with the relationship (age difference, her mental state, my newness to the game, etc.....), but when something feels this right it's hard not to just go for it.

[sera300]

Just remember for the first year your brain releases chemicals which make one feel "I am in love", there are other studies which state it lasts for two years.

I am not doubting how either of you feel, I realize the distance is an issue for you both; however, think what will you do if 3 months from now you split? You gave up your apartment, you find you care for her but she is not the "one"?

For the first year of every relationship most are on good behavior, then it starts to slip. By year two, you see more of the real person. What if she does not resolve conflict well? And there are issues you cannot get through as a couple? That's a tough position for you.

I'd say wait. I have jumped into relationships over the years, feeling great, and finding out later it was not all it was cracked up to be.

[CrazyJenny]

That sort of thing worries me. As for the living situation if we split, I can always find another place to live. And it's not like I can get much farther away from my job than I am now! About seeing her when she's not on good behavior..... I've kind of seen that side already. Remember, she was my boss at one point.

I'm still not sure if she's "The One" or not, but she's the closest I've seen yet. For all her quirks and sometimes unpleasant habits and attitudes, we click. And since I'm pretty weird sometimes, it takes a special kind of weird to get along with me..... and she's that special type.

[sera300]

I'd still give it some time...personal opinion only...
Also, nothing barring you from spending a week together...sleeping over.

[CrazyJenny]

I've thought of spending the week together.....

The trouble is always when I go home. My sleep quality is absolutely horrid, I go back to my shabby hole in the wall with my noisy neighbors...... (Can you tell I don't like where I live?) But I wouldn't really want to move for any reason but my gf, just because of inertia.

[sera300]

Yeap, caught you don't like where you live, LOL! But as with any relationship when you move in together if the lease is in one persons name...you have to leave whenever they request you do so. With or without a place to go. Lease held jointly, tenants in common, then you get the movie "The Breakup" with Vince Vaughn & Jennifer Aniston (sp?). LOL!

[dancingdoc2]

> As for the living situation if we split, I can always find another place to live. And it's not like I can get much farther away from my job than I am now!

It seems to me that in an earlier post I suggested finding a temporary location closer to her and work as an interim move while you continue to evaluate the budding relationship.

> About seeing her when she's not on good behavior..... I've kind of seen that side already. Remember, she was my boss at one point.

> For all her quirks and sometimes unpleasant habits and attitudes, we click. And since I'm pretty weird sometimes, it takes a special kind of weird to get along with me..... and she's that special type.

This would be a FLAG to many of us, me included. Do not discount her quirks and irksome behavior in favor of satisfying your needs and desires. It has been said that when a relationship is in trouble, sex is 90% of the reason, yet when a relationship is working well, sex in only 10% of the reason. If her actions and attitudes bother you enough enough to inform us about them, then think what they will do to you after the newness of the relationship wears off as Sera mentions. Nuf said.

[CrazyJenny]

It raised a big red flag at the very beginning, especially with her mental state (not very stable). But the unpleasant side of her isn't directed at me, more toward other people. Anyhow, she seems to be improving her behavior, and I think that part of it is that she's more content having me around. I know it certainly works for me! Her attitudes don't bother me as much that it bothers me to see other people bothered by them. As for her quirks - I like them, even though alot of other people don't.

I'm fully aware that I may be jumping headlong into something new and unfamiliar, but it's also something I need more than anything else. I'm just delighted at this point that there's somebody in the world who gives a damn about me - hasn't really happened before.....