How do I follow up with her?

[doinmybest]

Ok so back in febuary i was dumped. and until now i havnt been paying much attention to girls. busy with work and school i just havnt seem to have had anytime. well anyways a friend of mine convinced me to go to the beach with a bunch of friends, so i went and i ran into this girl that i hadnt seen in 2/3 years. i used to think she was cute but now she is just drop dead gorgous. the entire day/night her and i talked. i havnt felt that relaxed around a girl in who knows how long. and then a few nights after that my friend called me up and told me to come over he was having a bonfire. so i went and she was there. well i got there at about 8 pm everyone left around 10pm and when i was going to leave she asked me to stay and we sat there under the moon for about 3 hours talking about everything yet nothing at the same time.


the only problem is that i just found out a day or two ago, that she had just been dumped by her beau who had cheated on her. they are still talking and she still is pretty upset about it.

any advice???

[hopper141]

Dude, she is looking for a comfort buddy. If you want to be more than that be careful... it's always dangerous getting involved with someone who just got screwed over... I'm sure there are examples that have worked but all I can say is she's likely hurt and looking for a "friend." The fact that she has wanted to spend a great deal of time with you and chat it up is a good thing though. For a period of time 4 out of 5 of the girls I dated had been raped in the past...talk about difficult to get past... that's damn near impossible. I'm not undermining being raped because I know it is horrible as my sister was a victim of it but sometimes it is difficult to deal with someone that is emotionally unavailable and/or scarred. Watch your 6 man.

[dancingdoc2]

Be friends, first and foremost.

It is a bad idea to enter into a relationship with someone male or female on the heels of a previous one. People need time to recoup, regroup, and just heel.

She needs to end her previous relationship. The talking with him needs to either resolve or bring things to an end. When the previous situation is over, then you can consider dating her. Dating her does not mean entering into a relationship. Dating is dating, getting to know each other, yet free to date others, do your own thing, yet with her more often than not.

After nine months to a year of just dating (her and/or others) if she seems to be over the beau, then you can discuss an exclusive relationship.

So, be her friend, let her know you are there for her, do not delve into her previous life, although listen when she discusses it. Support her, do things together and strengthen the friendship along the way. If the dating is going to lead to something more serious, then move on; if not, then move on, yet keep the friendship going if it suits the two of you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Stop seeking "exclusive" relationships altogethor. This drive to seek exclusivity is based upon insecurity. Friends first then friends with benefits later on works quite well at this stage. Ignore the other boyfriend - he's nothing to you and none of your business in any case. Focus on her. Meanwhile, date others too. And that is none of her business btw.