am i being a moron? (engagment)

[Laura&Andrew]

if you guys are so deeply in love then why do you have to tie the knot so soon? if it is ment to be and you guys are truely in love it will happen but you dont need to rush into that type of commitment now. as long as your together and happy there is no need for it especially at your age. you dont need to be engaged in order to be with each other and you cant legally marry now anyway.

-Laura

[EvilEvilKitten]

NO NO NO
IT is NOT okay to be "engaged" and only 14!!!

Yegods girl! Who you are will change dramatically between ages 14 and 24 - and so will he. It is MUCH more inportant to let those changes occur than to get "engaged" or "married" to this fellow. Do NOT mess up your maturation by stopping it before it has even begun.

Besides which, there's college to get through, a career to establish and a life, YOUR LIFE, to build BEFORE you can even think of asking someone to share it with you.

[-wittyphrasehere-]

If some people can remember being a teen and having a puppy love relationship, you might remember adopting an "the world's against us, we need to fight for our love eternal" attitude when someone objected to your relationship. It's not really productive to directly and openly oppose teen relationships. Follow Laura's method and neutrally comment on why it wouldn't be wise to be engaged at the moment.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sorry, but I was always far too focused upon the future to be even thinking of becoming at all attached to any of my lovers during high school. Nice men all of them and good lovers but high school is NOT the time to be looking for a husband.

[Godiva]

I don't know if it helps to hear from someone who is closer to your age (I'm 18), but to put in my two cents, I think that being engaged at the age of 14 would be an unwise decision. Please hear me out.

I believe that you're in love with this guy and that it's not just "puppy love." However, you need to take your plans and thoughts about your future with a grain of salt. Is it realistic that you'll be with the same guy several years from now? Love doesn't fix or even maintain everything, even though I sometimes wish it did. Plus, we can't always tell what's going to happen within the next week, let alone years.

You're 14, so I'm going to guess that you'll be going into high school. I can tell you from recent personal experience that high school changes everyone in many different ways. It will change both you and your boyfriend, and that is going to effect your relationship in both positive and negative ways because your likes, dislikes, wants, needs, and views of basically everything are bound to change. It could bring you together, drive you apart, or cause you to become more interested in others that you didn't notice before. High school is not stable (for lack of a better word). You really can't predict that you guys will last for 4 years; although, that's not meant to deter you from hoping or trying.

Another point is that engagement is an adult decision. I'm not trying to call you a child because you're definitely not. My point is that no matter how mature you may be, age is very relevant to making such a huge decision. I mean, I'm legal. I could get married, and it's true that I think about it often, but then reality sets in. The idea is nuts to me! I mean, I'm going to college for over 4 years because I plan to go to grad school. I have so much more growing up to do before I can truly consider getting engaged. Plus, I expect college will change me just as much as high school did, and I guarantee that it will change you too.

There are just so many variables in life, and tying yourself down to someone is an unwise choice. Of course, it is your choice to make, but you really do have your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy the time that you spend with your boyfriend, but like EEK said, high school is not the time to look for a husband.

[-wittyphrasehere-]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Sorry, but I was always far too focused upon the future to be even thinking of becoming at all attached to any of my lovers during high school. Nice men all of them and good lovers but high school is NOT the time to be looking for a husband.

Yes, but you should realize the rest of us mere mortals are emotional beings that aren't nearly as realistic and exacting as you, my Goddess.

Kidding of course.

I agree, taking a husband early isn't a wise idea. I definitely wouldn't do it.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Perhaps not, witty one, but that does not excuse them from trying to be sensible. Managing your sexuality in an effective manner is very easy. Focus on the goal you have for yourself and make time for relationships when they come about understanding that the only exclusive relationship anyone should contemplate is marriage.

[Rugrat18]

If it's any consolation I was with my last BF and he proposed. I was only gone 17 and we were together about 3 months if you belive you'll be together forever then go for it you cant actually get married for awhile anyway whats the harm in Having a promise. but I didn't stay with that guy just keep that in mind.

[EvilEvilKitten]

The problem with having a promise is that you focus upon that promise and go exclusive BEFORE you SHOULD and you learn NOTHING about other people and yourself. You get "stuck" in a time warp and there you'll stay until ditched. Imagine perpetually being 14 - ick!!!

[Cook2b]

whats the point in you getting engaged right now if your so sure your guna be together forever? surley it wouldnt harm you to wait a few years if your guna be together forever.. you dont have to rush into anything .. go slow!! =]