"Stunningly beautiful" - looking for some advice/opinions!

[hushpup81]

hello everyone, i'm new to the board. i was hoping that you guys/girls could give me your opinion on something. i was at a bar last weekend with my female friend and it wasn't crowded at all. she sat at the bar and i stood standing facing her. there was plenty of open seats around us at the bar for people to sit down.

out of the clear blue, some guy taps me from the side and says, "by the way, you are stunningly beautiful." i just laughed and looked at my friend and ignored the guy. he walked away. to me the guy seemed like he was trying to hook up or was a player or pretty smooth for having the guts to walk up to a girl in a bar and say what he did. i like nice, shy, sweet guys, so at the time he didn't fit my profile.

but my guys friends are telling me that i shouldn't have blown him off and that he was a shy guy and probably just didn't know how to approach a girl. okay, here is the thing...all the guys that i have talked to in bars(and most were not experienced with girls)...just kind of started talking to my friends and i, asked us our names and some stuff about ourselves. they would come over and sit by us and look over and eventually start talking. they never used some lame pick up line, "like your stunningely beautiful." (which i'm not).

so my question is...do you agree with me that the guy was using a pick up line and was not some shy, nice guy. probably looking to hook up or smooth talk me. or do you think the opposite like my guy friends? i'm 25 and don't have a lot of experience with guys, so y'all opinions would be helpful.

thanks in advance,
hushpup81

[sera300]

He was trying to get your attention, he did but not in the way he wanted. Maybe he felt you were as he described. There are tons of lines, they are ways to start a conversation. You might have thought he was dull if he came up and tapped you on the shoulder and talked about your thoughts on the weather or politics...

[NorthernPixie]

Have you heard the one about the polar bear? No? Well, it sure did break the ice...)- Now, THAT'S a lame chat up line!

You might think your guy's chat up line was pretty lame- it certainly didn't work for him! But I don't think your main concern should be wondering if he was a smooth talker or a shy, lovelorn guy. He can't have been TOO shy if he had the guts to approach an unknown girl in a bar with a line that left him in such a vulnerable position. I doubt many guys would think that he had much more than a one in ten chance with any such an approach in a bar. So don't feel bad- No!

Rather, revel in the amazing compliment. Of all the things he could have said (You have a beautiful smile, you're looking really hot, you're incredibly pretty, you're the prettiest girl in this bar...), he chose to describe you as STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL. That means, he saw something in your face, your eyes, your stance, your body, your laugh, your air, that made you stand out. You may not believe it's true, you might think no one else thinks it true, but you can go to sleep tonight confident that at least one person in the world thinks that you are stunning! THAT'S something to think about!

[Knight]

I don't mean to offend but I think what you did was quite rude. Someone comes up to you, gives you a very nice compliment and you just laugh it off and then ignore him.

Who knows what his intentions were. Maybe he had an interest in you and that was his entrance, maybe he just wanted to say that and be on his way. If it was the former, then perhaps he lacks some strategy, no big deal. At least he didn't say: "hey, nice cakes". Anyways, speculating on what his intentions were is pointless now, you will never find out.

BUT, you could have at least, for the sake of courtesy and mutual respect, thanked him for what he said. You don't have to have a conversation with him or give away your phone number but at least acknowledge (in a polite manner) what he did.

If he, or someone else approaches and you don't want to talk to them you can say: "Listen, I appreciate you coming over here but I am not interested in chatting right now" and then go back to whatever you were doing. If the person still persists then you can ask the bartender/bouncer for help or deal with them yourself as you see fit.

[NorthernPixie]

EXCUSES FOR RUDE LADIES
(or at least reasons for my past 'misdemeanors'!)

On the face of it, I think that although it could be argued that Hush Pup's reponse was rude, I feel the need the defend her, using my own experiences/reasonings.

1 It's hard for us gals to receive a compliment, and more so from a stranger. Being flustered and embarrassed can often send the most well-mannered lady into etiquette oblivion!

2 Women in bars can be exceptionally vulnerable. If you're not 'out on the pull', advances from men can be very unwelcoming- and sometimes frightening. Especially when I've been out with one other girl, I've found myself being pestered by men who think are are making my night by attempting to get as much as they can from me. Trying to be 'gracious' to such men has lead to real problems several times. The sad solution ends up being that being slightly 'rude' is a form of protection. In some (or many) cases this is needless and unfortunate, but i hope you good men out there will be able to forgive us and understand it a little more! Safety comes first- manners come later!

BTW, going to a (public) bar suggests the wish for intergration with new people (although it's not necessarily always the case). But if a man begins a conversation with a woman implicitly indicating an 'amorous' intention that is not reciprocated, I feel that it's fair to stop the conversation before it goes any further.

My dear Knight, I don't mean to get into a debate, but I hope I have pleaded the case for the ladies!

[HardNgood]

did you have a "wierded out" feeling?? Last week I was just coming back from getting some groceries, and I entered the building I live, this guy was just inside and said "wow"...I took a quick look around looking for some hot lady to be in the tiled entrance way...NOPE...just me?? then the dude says,,NICE...still hoping that I see some "hot" lady standing around,,so I keep going to the elevator and he says two times..Mmmmmhhh...Mmmmhh...OKAY at this point I'm very uncomfortable..I can only say I felt a discomfort that I haven't ever felt before...it was just wierd..the most incredible thing about this is that I could never recall what the guy looked like if I ever run into him again??

[NorthernPixie]

See, Hard N Good- you're irresistible- perhaps even stunningly beautiful?!

Glad (and sad) to hear it's not just us ladies who suffer!

[hushpup81]

hey, thanks for the advice! i guess everything in the bar happened so fast and i am now regretting not talking to him.

i don't have a lot of experience with guys, so the way i saw it...a nice guy would have come over and sat down by us at the bar(there was tons of seats open) and introduced himself and asked our names. maybe bought me a drink in the process. if after we had spoken for a few minutes, he told me i was stunningley beautiful then i don't think it would have been weird.

but instead he just tapped me from behind and gave me the line, "by the way you are stunningely beautiful." do you see how it sounds like some pick up line to hook up? i'm a shy girl and i would never walk up to a guy in a bar and tell him he was stunningely handsome. if you guys were interested in getting to know a girl, would you use a line like he did? it just reminded me of some sleezy guy.... .ike on that show three's company...jack tripper had that friend larry who was always hitting on all the girls by telling them lines like, "u are the pretties girl on the planet..or in the room."

anyway, i am regretting now not talking to him, so i guess that is why i was curious as to what other people thought.

[hushpup81]

i'm a pretty conservative, shy girl....so i guess in bars i put my guard up because i know there are guys who are looking for sex. i just always assumed nice guys would come over and say hi and buy the girl a drink. and players use pick up lines.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by hushpup81

i'm a pretty conservative, shy girl....so i guess in bars i put my guard up because i know there are guys who are looking for sex. i just always assumed nice guys would come over and say hi and buy the girl a drink. and players use pick up lines.

Men all over are looking for "just sex" they are not limited to bars! Nice guys come in all different variations. Maybe it was a line he used to meet someone before & it worked. Try not to make assumptions, learn about these characters! Players also come in all different forms...