Still talks to ex?

[rednax]

I've been dating the same girl for 4 years (since we were 17). She has had two previous partners (at least sexual intercourse) - both of which bother me based on the circumstances. On to my question...

Her second partner was a good friend of hers in high school. She claims they were nothing but close friends for a good two years. Right before he moved away, she ended up having sex with him twice. She claims it was awkward afterward and they decided the boyfriend/girlfriend thing probably wouldn't work. Now of course I picture the worst possible situation, but I try to convince myself it likely wasn't anything too kinky and it was only twice.

To this day, she continues to talk to him. At first, it was on a fairly regular basis. It always bothered me, but I figured I had no right to control who she talked to - be it old friends or old friends that were also lovers for a time. I eventually let my feelings be known, and requested that she did not talk to him in my presence (it got old listening to a half-hour conversation...). These days it's mostly text-messaging, and he usually initiates it. She also claims that he was never her "boyfriend" and it's not a big deal that she still communicates with him. I can see both sides of this one... some people continue friendships beyond a relationship and that's ok!

What do you all think? It's not a trust issue... he's in a different state, and these are not intimate conversations as far as I know. But what the hell? I like to put it this way... would she be dandy and fine if I talked to my ex who I had ****ed? Unfortunately for me, I was a virgin when I met her. I don't like to be reminded of past sexual partners, and seeing this guys text messages every few days just doesn't rest well with me. Opinions?

[sera300]

It's her friend, no big deal you are being insecure. Let it go, the past is just that. Do not discuss previous partners with anyone ever for this very reason! I can see her not chatting to him while she is with you since it's a tad rude to you. If in your company talking on the phone w/another person is distracting.

Let it go, it's not worth the aggravation.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Stop being insecure and immature. Her ability to retain friends is a good trait. She networks well then. You should learn to do the same.

The rule is to never talk,text, etc other persons when there is a person actually present.

Part of who you are now is because of your experiences with others before. Not talking about others and ex's is not all that good but it should ONLY be done with committed romantic interests or with persons who need to know.

[LovinItSingle]

Why does it bother you that she talks to him in front of you but not behind your back?? Also, you say the guy was never her boyfriend. That truly makes me feel that it's not a trust issue, just more or less that you don't want to hear the half hour conversations like you said. But then you also say that it has always bothered you, and would she be okay if you talked to a girl that you had previously been with...that makes me think that it is a trust issue somewhat. I can definitely understand your feelings on this one (read some of my posts, i'm in the same boat) but I have to agree with the others. If she has been with you for 4 years, it's pretty clear that she's committed. If the conversations really are innocent then don't worry about it. Let her have some friends. And if the situation ever arises that you talk to an old flame (obviously not someone you have slept with since this girl is your first) then remind her the way she asked you to handle this particular situation.