Friends with benefits...yay or nay

[michelle2004]

Ok here is the short version of the story:

I liked a guy for 8 years in that time he dated two different girls, who both cheated on him, he said he was in love with them.

Then he and I FINALLY got together....he never said he loved me, but I said I loved him.

He broke up with me.

We had sex after the break up (my first time) and then we have sex a few more times....IT WAS AMAZING. I initiated the sex.

We haven't seen each other in almost 4 months.

I am really wanting sex and I have dated a couple of guys and some of there DEFINATELY want to help me out.

I want to call up the ex to set up a **** buddy arrangement, because I know he is clean, I don't want to end up with a long list of sex partners, I know he is good, and I wouldn't have all the emotional bs, because we already have that regardless.

My question is will he agree to this? (He isn't with anyone and hasn't been with anyone since me)

We are both in our mid-20s.

I still love him, but I know he doesn't love me, so that isn't apart of this decision.

I really dont think I am ready for a relationship and I dont want to hurt someone else like he hurt me so that is why I think it would be best to have sex with him.

I dont think I can just wait to have sex again. I figure if I have sex with him then at least I wont get desperate and **** some guy on a first date.

Thoughts???

[sera300]

I works as long as you can keep your emotional component out of it not using sex as a way to lure him into loving you. Other then that, go for it. It works but establish boundaries.

[michelle2004]

My fear is that he will reject the idea....and then I will be unsatisfied and feel stupid.

[sera300]

You are sort of there now...try again and afterwards see if you can make an arrangement between you both. Doubt he will reject it, a man give up good sex with NSA???

[Orow]

I think that if you have sex with your ex, you will never move on.

Why put yourself in a position where you can so easily get hurt? Because of sex? That's just silly.

I think that all your reasoning is BS, pardon my language. I think that you are doing this because you deep down are hoping that your ex will realize what he is missing and get back together with you. But in the end you will end up with a broken heart AND a total loss of self respect.


If you miss sex so much, then find a new man to be f*** buddies with. One man more or less will not ruin your reputation - and on the plus side there will be no strings attached on your part. If the guy falls for you that is HIS responsability and if he's old enough to have sex, he should be old enough to be honest about his feelings and stop your sexual relationship if he thinks that would be for the best.



I think you should shut your ex out of your life and give yourself a chance to move on.
I think it would be pathetic to sleep with him and, as already mentioned, risk losing your self respect.

Find an alternative.

[michelle2004]

what is NSA?

[sera300]

No Strings Attached. I have slept with my ex's, just b/c love did not work out did not mean we had to throw away a friendship nor good sex which was safe...far from pathetic or degrading. Separation of emotion is essential to it working.

[michelle2004]

who ended the original relationship? I think that might be a factor to it working for us...Idk.


are you a guy or gal....it helps me gain perspective...b/c I really want a guys opinion.

I also don't know how to convey the message to him...I dont want to call him and have him run off the road (he drives for work)...since this might come as a shock to him...any ideas.

[sera300]

Female. The last? We both chose to call the wedding off (still good friends and "hang out" once in a while). Prior, was an ex b/f, mutually agreed to end it b/c of different wants out of life & still are good friends 8 years later. Before that was an ex husband, I ended it.

[pozzolane]

I think OROW hit the nail on the head with her/his reply.

I'm a guy and I whole heartedly agree that "friendship with benefits" sex with the person you're in love with is a very bad idea. For that kind of sex relationship to work, you both have to be detached from the emotional side of it (you are definately not). You will get hurt and he will not come back to you because of the sex. If you really just want sex for the sake of sex, then find a new guy and forget your ex.

Think about it clearly. Do you really want emotionless sex with someone you are in love with? Will that really help you? Think about it some more.