Boyfriend and money

[FoxyLady]

Ok so me and my boyfriend been going out for nearly 4 months (and still going good!), and just like any guy he wants to treat his lady to nicer things, and take me out to places but....I don't really want him to do that. Currently he doesn't have a job, use to but problems arised and he was forced to find another job. Sometimes he feels bad that Im the one with a job, and spending money(buying him lunch and stuff) on him when it should be the other way. Him spending money on me. I tell him that he doesn't have to spend any money on me, its nice but its ok. I've always been an independant person, and never really needed much from anyone else. (expect for cash from parents lol) He insists that its not ok. Sometimes if he gets alittle cash from his parent, he would spend what little he has on me and only have very little left for himself.

Any advice on how to get him to not "completely" stop spending cash on me, or want to do so? I would feel guilty if he got him another job, and starts spending cash on me like Im a extra bill.

[oedipussy]

I'm not really sure what you're asking - do you want him to keep spending money on you or not? Either way, a man will do what he wants to do. You can't change that. If he wants to he will. But he's gonna have to find a way to come up with something to spend first...

[Raidenator]

Wow, this is almost exactly synonymous with my relationship with my lady recently. I was forced into quitting my job and as a result wasn't able to pay for her as much as I wanted to.

The sad truth is that you have to get him to realize that it's a two way relationship. Just whenever you go out to lunch or whatever just say, "It's ok, I'll buy this time." I have another job now and I love to pay for my girlfriend but we've settled into a you buy this, I'll buy that relationship. It's quite nice considering the distance I have to drive to see her or the amount of money it drains from my account.

In any case, ease him into it. Buy things for you two here and there and eventually just try to switch off. It makes things much simpler and it's nice for a guy on a budget.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Men are expected to "provide" and they tend to judge themselves upon their ability to do so. Your attempts to get him to stop are undercutting his masculinity. You can set limits upon what items you will accept. What you should do is to come up with fun things you both enjoy doing that do not cost anything. But you are right to worry. A boyfriend spending money on your is nice but it doesn't bode well for the future when there are taxes to be paid, a mortgage, and children.

[Rail]

I am always argueing with my girlfriend (4 months now) about spending money. She is planning a trip overseas and has been saving up for it; yet she insists on buying me drinks and spending her cash on me.
I have a good job, make plenty of money... and do not need her to buy me anything. Yet she absolutely insists on spending money on me.
It is a problem for me, I like to buy her things; and it is anoying as hell when she refuses to let me.

Why do women do this? Is it because she feels she is lacking in other departments? Like: lack of sex = buy me things to make up for it?

[sera300]

Originally Posted by Rail

Why do women do this? Is it because she feels she is lacking in other departments? Like: lack of sex = buy me things to make up for it?

Either what you just said or she feels through you buying her nothing she owes you nothing. She buys for you then she calls the rules.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Dating Money Rules:

1. do not share accounts.
2. the one who invites is the one who pays
3. acceptable gifts are those that are NOT intimate
4. infrequent legitmate emergencies only
5. never use money as a weapon

As an example, I drive a vintage MGB roadster which is older than most of you and it has been known to stop working, leaving me dead alongside the interstate. I live near D.C. so it is ALL interstates aroiund here. This gives a man the opportunity to be my white knight riding to my rescue because I just drive the cars, I don't fix them. Sometimes the most wonderful sight is a cute teddybear bearing a quart of motor oil!

[FoxyLady]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Men are expected to "provide" and they tend to judge themselves upon their ability to do so. Your attempts to get him to stop are undercutting his masculinity. You can set limits upon what items you will accept. What you should do is to come up with fun things you both enjoy doing that do not cost anything. But you are right to worry. A boyfriend spending money on your is nice but it doesn't bode well for the future when there are taxes to be paid, a mortgage, and children.

Yeah I definately don't want to make him feel "less" of a man at all. Just want him to ease up on wanting to try and spend alot on me. I can come up with ways to have fun, that doesn't included the dead presidents to tag along. Thanks.

[Newtolove]

hm i suppose being without a job makes him feel a bit useless, perhaps try and explain that you love him for him and that you know he loves you and he doesn't need to spend money on you unnecessarily to show his love for you, try to push out to activities that don't require anyone to spend money making it easier and advoiding embarrassment as i suppose being without money is embarrassing when going out