Is he "just not that into me"?

[Stella]

Hello everyone,

Although this is my first post on this forum, I've found a lot of the information on this website to be very helpful.

Im almost 21 and currently a virgin, but there is a guy that I am interested in. He'a a decent guy, knows I am a virgin and doesnt have any qualms in regard to having sex with me.

To be frank, I'm hoping you guys and girls will further confirm that he's not the best candidate for me. Simply because, sometimes things make more sense when they come from someone else, especially someone with experience.

We have only met twice. The initial meeting was at a friends house, and the other time was alone at the movies on an official date. There was no physical contact of any sort, (not even holding hands) on that date. We were both pretty shy. He later told me that I would have rejected him if he tried anything which is not true. I really wanted him to hold my hand at some point and kiss me good night.

Anyhow, still in the coming days/weeks we kept in contact through messages and chats. He would also text me here and there.

I've always been attracted to this guy. He's got an accent of gold, and he's really nice and propper. My main problem is, he's NEVER called me. The entire time I've known him. He's only sent me text messages.

Assuming he's just shy has gone out of the window at this point. We've been in contact since March and he has no problem talking about sex in chats, so theres no way he could be too shy to give me a call.

Which leaves me to believe that he doesnt really care about me. He just wants to have sex with me.

I apologize this is so long, but the reason why I still fancy the idea of having sex with him is because Im getting tired of waiting for the 'right guy'. Cynical as I am, I dont believe everyone gets a 'right person'. Me being 'everyone'. Life is not a fairy tale nor is it perfect. Im begining to realize that I may never find the perfect guy to lose my virginity to and I just feel like waiting and waiting is becoming a really self righteous(sp) and naive thing to do.

Comments and opinions would be greatly appreciated.

[Raidenator]

My opinion is that he may just not like using the phone. You have to understand that chivalry is dead. A good deal of men will no longer hold open the door for a lady, open/close car doors, call to make dates, or anything that I havn't mentioned. As much as I hate to say it, he may just not be the romantic type. I don't think he necessarily doesn't care for you, I just think he might be more comfortable in using text messages because it's just easier.

I'm similar in fashion as far as text messaging goes. I almost always use text messages when I can avoid talking on the phone, because simply put, I hate it. This will sometimes apply to my dating life as well. My girlfriend and I hardly ever talk on the phone because she knows I don't like doing it. Regardless though, if this is his case he should at least be calling when he wants to ask you out. Or on a rare occasion maybe to chat, but that may require a little more of a serious relationship.

My advice? Don't give up on him but try this. Tell him that you switched phone plans and you no longer have unlimited text or you have a severely limited amount of texts now. Hopefully this will encourage him to call you when he needs to.

As per the virginity thing. I have no qualms with losing your virginity but I would recommend not taking it lightly. I recommend at least being serious enough for him to be your boyfriend, but it's all very subjective. If you feel ready to lose it, go for it. It's a choice that only you can make.

[sera300]

Stella--Are you certain he is shy? If so just ask him to kiss you or hold your hand or make the first move on him. If you just want to loose it, do it. Begin a friends with benefits relationship with him. I just doubt if he is this shy, he will be on the same page with you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Waiting for the right guy? And what would constitute 'right' in a guy? Obviously one more sexually skilled than you are. Who would be friendly but not lead you on. Be considerate enough to not be too rough on you. There are lots of such men out there. Get on the BCPs, pick one man, and get on with it.

As for this fellow here, set a date making it clear that sex is on the agenda.

[moose_hd]

He is an introvert, part of a misunderstood minority. You are an extrovert, which is like most other people. Here is a good starting point. See also Wikipedia. His whole mode of operation is totally different than most people's so you need to take that into account if you want to understand his behaviour.

[eminatic]

well i have no problem talking about sex in chats and texts but get really shy about it in person. the only way you'll know for sure is if you make the first move on him, since he obviously isn't going to

[LovinItSingle]

First let me say that I give you props for being a virgin and almost 21! I am 21 and I wish that I hadn't slept with almost all of the guys that I did. So as far as losing your virginity because you are tired of waiting, trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be. You might not necessarily have to wait for the guy you just "know" you will spend the rest of your life with but if you do decide you are ready to have sex and you have found a person worth giving that part of you to, then at least wait a while. That way you can still experience sex and if the guy is willing to wait a while then obviously you know he is in it for you and not for what's in your pants. As far as this guy that you have been texting. First of all, DON'T sleep with someone you have only met 2 times. That's almost asking to be taken advantage of. Secondly, if the guy is not shy about texting you all the time about sex, but he can't pick up the phone and talk to you in person about something other than sex, then chances are he is not really interested in you and just wants to claim you (or your virginity). If he was truly interested in having a relationship with you then a phone call would not be a problem and the conversations (whether it be via text, phone calls, email, whatever) would involve more than just sex. He is not the right guy!

[browneyedgirl]

Originally Posted by Stella

To be frank, I'm hoping you guys and girls will further confirm that he's not the best candidate for me.

I think this says it all. You should not have sex with someone who you aren't sure that you want to have sex with. If you really wanted to have sex with him, would you have to come on here and ask strangers to tell you it's a bad idea?? A random guy who you've talked about sex with and are attracted to is not the best candidate, no.

I know a lot of people on this board are skeptics, but I lost my virginity when I was 15 with someone I loved and who loved me. I wasn't necessarily holding out for the right guy, but I ended up having a perfect first time. No pain or anything, it actually felt good. We had candlelight even. I know this is not how it happens for most people, but I was exceptionally lucky to have a really great first time. I hope you can have a really special first time, as well. And I hope it is with someone who you care about, feel 100% comfortable with, and love.

[EvilEvilKitten]

I had a great guy too for my first time - at age 11. It was wonderful and YES, SEX IS ALL IT IS CRACKED UP TO BE! Thank you.

As to whether this guy is for you - stop asking us - consult yourself. Are you sure it is not virginal nerves? The "right guy" - PFFT. Most men are quite nice if given even half a chance. So give him his chance.

BTW your virginity is not a "prize" - it is a handicap.

[Newtolove]

try making some moves yourself and pushing it a bit