Girlfriend still has feelings/missing heart.

[Rail]

Ok, I desperately need some advice. My Girlfriend, we have been together just over 3 months, is still heartbroken over her last boyfriend. She broke up with the guy almost a year ago now, and he was a total jerk even cheated on her.

Last night she broke down crying while we were cuddled in bed.. she said that something is wrong with her heart, it feels empty.
She said I was the best man she had ever met, and I treat her like a Queen... but she still lacks passion for me physically. She still thinks about her old boyfriend who she fell head over heels for after only 4 months with the guy. They broke up because of distance problems, and the fact he was already seeing someone else.

Now even after all this crying, she says the she does not want to loose me; and I am the best thing she has ever had. And she was hoping I would "be the one".

I am totally in love with her, but I dont know what I should do. Am I wasting my time waiting for her to find that passion for me?
Should I move on? Or should I stick with her, she really does want to love me... help!!

[sera300]

Skip it and move on. Don't waste your time with someone who does not have feelings for you.

[Engage!]

First of all, almost nobody can be truly in love after three or four months. The reason your girlfriend is still attached to the guy she was with before is because she didn't have time to find out alot of his faults. She was still infatuated with him, even though the truth is easily seen. You're right in saying that she wants to love you, but does she really know what the word "love" means? Give her time. My wife gave me over a year to get over my previous girlfriend (she died, and I wasn't really ready for a relationship for a long time. Yet, my wife was persistent and now we're married.)

My advice - wait for her. Show her that you can be her friend, and it would probably be a good idea to tone down the sexual aspect of your relationship. Just let her know you're there as a friend and will stay with her. She needs someone, and if you desert her now, it will only add to the damage.

[Rail]

She does have feelings for me; which is why she was able to tell me all this... she apologized for being psycho, and again said I was the best guy in the whole world.

Has anyone else gone through anything like this? Or do you just all kick them to the curb when they say something like this.

I am really torn, I know she likes me; and I can't help but think she really loves me... she is just afraid of being hurt again, and will not let her heart commit no matter what her brain tells her at this moment.

EDIT for Engage: Thats what I was thinking and leaning towards, you are right, she has no idea what love really is or means. I have always shown her that I am a good friend and will stick by her through any hardships... but this one is really tough!

So I have:
Dump Her: 1 vote
Keep Her: 1 vote

[Engage!]

Revise that to 1:1.

[demonbuttercup]

I dunno.
I mean yeah it's great that she was being honest w/ you... but I mean.. that was almost TOO honest lol you know??
To tell someone that their heart feels empty and just balling over this dude from a year ago.
So her and this dude dated for 4 months? so how long from when they split to when you guys started dating?

I mean it could be she just didn't have enough time inbetween to really get over it.
Or that she has more of a "friend" love for you rather than "boyfriend" love. You can totally love someone and even think they are attractive as a person... but not be physically attracted to them.

[Rail]

I started dating her about 6 months after she broke up with this guy.
I think she was crying more about letting me down than actually crying over this guy.
I do know what you mean, maybe that was a bit to honest.

We have had a sexual relationship since after about 1 week of dating.
And we have spent a LOT of time together. We play pool together, watch movies, make dinner... we have been with eachother at night, every night, for almost two months now. There have been only a handful of nights that we have not spent together. We have even gone on vacation together, Tahoe and Vegas.

I could tell something was troubling her for a little while; when I first noticed it, I thought it was me... Im very inexperianced with sex. And I thought I just had no idea what I was doing. But that is only half the case...

Maybe she was just lonely, and wanted to pass the time with me... but once she realized how good of a person I am; maybe she did not want to hurt me?

She is 27, and I am 25 just fyi. I have no idea what to do, I thought for sure she was just going to dump me last night, but we are going out again tonight.
Plus, this morning when we woke up, we had sex... initiated by her.

I am stumped; she is perfect for me, I have NEVER met a nice girl like her. But if she still crys after three and a half months; maybe I am just not the one?
Should I give her more time?

Dump her: 2 Votes
Keep her: 1 Vote

[sera300]

If you stay with her, you are hoping she changes the way she feels for you. Not going to happen. If you care, let her go, date other's both of you, and remain friends or date each other too. Love is about letting someone go; allowing them to be their own person, and entering into a relationship as a "whole" partner. Otherwise, you are going to have a needy woman who is with you because it's comfortable rather then wanting to be with you.

Additionally; YOU are not responsible for their emotional health, not dumping some one b/c of "emotional fragility" is bad news. They are responsible for themselves, you are not married to them!

[fabian_haas]

Originally Posted by Rail

She does have feelings for me; which is why she was able to tell me all this... she apologized for being psycho, and again said I was the best guy in the whole world.

Has anyone else gone through anything like this? Or do you just all kick them to the curb when they say something like this.

I am really torn, I know she likes me; and I can't help but think she really loves me... she is just afraid of being hurt again, and will not let her heart commit no matter what her brain tells her at this moment.

EDIT for Engage: Thats what I was thinking and leaning towards, you are right, she has no idea what love really is or means. I have always shown her that I am a good friend and will stick by her through any hardships... but this one is really tough!

So I have:
Dump Her: 1 vote
Keep Her: 1 vote

i have been there, i had a guy for a year and a half, i gave him my virginity, 5 years of my life and i almost even took my life for him. it isn't the same i know, but it sounds as tho she's feeling the same as me, it just seems like everything you tell her is all the same, you can tell her you love her and that you promise you won't hurt her and all of that but she's probably thinking something to the effect of "yea that's what he said too...." give her time, i mean, i guess you can still date her, just talk to her about it, i mean, ask her upfront if she thinks she's ready for another relationship, tell her you really want to be "the one" but if she needs time to heal you can wait. it won't do you any good to be the rebound guy, all it will do is make you feel like **** and make you feel like you've been walked on. wich you have. just give her time. that's all she really needs and if it was ment to be then she will come back. if not, well, maybe the next girl will be what you want.

[khatzeen]

my vote is don't dump her. she was confiding in you the other night and might have residual feelings for him triggered by somthing else which happened to her during the day. if you dump her now you will add to her emotional stress.