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Old 06-22-2007, 07:56 AM
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getting over her sexual past

i've been seeing this girl for about two months. since we've started dating our relationship has been the best either of us has ever experienced. i find her to be pretty much perfect except for one thing, her sexual past. i know you shouldn't think about it and judge someone for it, but i'm having a hell of a time not to. she is 3 years younger than me and has a lot more experience. even though her last relationship went on for two years she's told me of some of things she did when she was really young and it creeps me out. it's on my mind a lot and i can't shake it. when i finally forget about it she brings something up to make me think about it even more. i can't exactly talk to her about this, is there an easy way to get over this?
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Old 06-22-2007, 08:02 AM
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Don't discuss past sex & partners between anyone. Stop her now & You do the same. The past has no bearing on your relationship & your insecurity will drive you both apart.
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Old 06-22-2007, 08:06 AM
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Just because she was getting ridden harder than Seattle Slew, there is no point in dwelling on the past! You must try to stay focused on the present!
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Old 06-22-2007, 08:17 AM
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I never tell and never ask. Beyond a certain point, assume your friend has some experience; beyond that it is none of anyone's business. You have demonstrated this again and now you have to get over it or move on.
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Old 06-23-2007, 09:16 AM
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...and if you cannot talk to her about this, what can you realistically expect from the other questions, concerns, and problems within your relationship in the future?
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Last edited by dancingdoc2; 06-23-2007 at 09:18 AM..
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Old 06-23-2007, 01:35 PM
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Personally, I want to be honest with my partner about EVERYTHING, including their past. My fiancée was very promiscuous before he met me, but it doesn't bother me because I was the first person he loved that he had sex with. Besides, whats past is past, you most likely didn't know each other then so its not a big deal. Tell her it bothers you, and ask her not to mention it as much; but beyond that just drop it and move on! You have to accept the WHOLE person she is, which includes her past, the good and the bad, if you ever want this relationship to last.

Just for the record, hearing about my partner's past girlfriends' that he cared about emotionally, bothers me more than his sex life...but that's just me. He told me about this one girl who broke his heart, how they intended to move in together and how he really had cared for her...and it was sad for me to hear it. It brought us closer though, it was me who asked about it in the first place anyways.

ANYWAYS! I'm rambling on lol. It is smart to just leave it be if you want to be with her in the long term
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Old 06-23-2007, 08:02 PM
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My wife and I dealt with our respective pasts, and we talked it out. When we first got together, she knew that I had been with a few other girls. What I didn't realize was that she had never had sex with a man before. She had instead had sex with girls, and while that thought didn't particularly please me, I made my peace with it. Past relationships still haunt us, but we deal with it together. She still seems to be dealing with some rejection issues (someone who she was in love with but didn't love her) and I'm still getting over my previous girlfriend's death. Fortunately, we both understand that there will always be parts of us that love that other person. As I always say: TALK. That's the best way to deal with things. However, make sure to reassure each other that it's all in the past. Each new relationship is a fresh start, and a chance to be forgiven for the past. Don't hide the past, try to overcome it. Sometimes it really hurts, and sometimes you have to cry. Only by releasing the emotions can you get over them.
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Old 06-23-2007, 08:10 PM
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Why should anyone apologize or be forgiven for their sexual past? What is there to forgive? That you did not save yourself for marriage? Get with the program guys, it's life, it's the past. No forgiveness necessary, no apology.
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Old 06-23-2007, 08:38 PM
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We all regret stuff. Help each other achieve closure.
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Old 06-23-2007, 09:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rdan05 View Post
Why should anyone apologize or be forgiven for their sexual past? What is there to forgive? That you did not save yourself for marriage? Get with the program guys, it's life, it's the past. No forgiveness necessary, no apology.
Not only that, it's their past. Leave it be.
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