I would love your opinion. Especially the guys.

[Flutter]

I will try to make this short as short as possible. I met the guy nine months ago. Talk about feeling like a princess. He said he had never felt like this with anyone before and I felt the same. I really feel he meant it. I got flowers every 4 weeks, when he was out-of-town, he would call. He wanted to spend every night together and I was the one that even said are you sure. About 8 weeks ago he started to pull away. Not call like he used to when out of town, not as attentive. He would say he would do things and then he would not. I do admit that during this time, I now know that I did the wrong thing. I kept asking him what was wrong and trying to get to act like he used to. One Thursday, we had a disagreement, mainly over him being distant. He did not call me Friday until 10:00 p.m. and had been at a bar. He asked if I wanted to come over and I said no because I was tired and it was late. I was surprised that he even called and when I asked him why he called, he said, because “Maybe because I care”. He said that we would do something Saturday night and that he would call me by noon on Saturday to make plans. By 5:00 p.m. he had not called. I went over and acted like nothing was wrong. He said he did not say we would do anything on Saturday and did not say that he would call. I just could not take it anymore at this point. I told him that I still loved him and if things could be like they were, that I would be the happiest girl in the world, but I can’t go on like this. I left him a letter that basically said the same thing and I pointed out the things that I just could not take anymore. I do believe with all my heart that he really did truly love me. He even wanted to talk marriage early on, but I was not ready. Way too soon for me. It has been two weeks since I left, and I have not heard anything from him.

Questions for you guys:

1. Was he becoming more distant and not wanting to talk about it because he wanted to break up and did not have the guts and it was easier to make me mad enough to do it?

2. Do you think that it even bothers him that I left?

3. Do you think that he will think about what he lost and ever contact me again?

4. If I get asked out, would this make it better or worse if he would see me or find out?

Any other wisdom would really help.

Thanks in advance, Flutter

[curious_woman]

1. Either he wanted to break up with you, or thought he had impressed you enough and could "relax".

2. It probably does, a bit depending on him

3. Of course he will think about it, contact you? Maybe...

4. NO NO NO NO! NEVER date someone on the rebound! Give yourself time to heal!

[Flutter]

Thanks curious women. I appreciate your time and opinion. I just wish some of the guys would now give me theirs.
Flutter

[learning]

Questions for you guys:

1. Was he becoming more distant and not wanting to talk about it because he wanted to break up and did not have the guts and it was easier to make me mad enough to do it?

2. Do you think that it even bothers him that I left?

3. Do you think that he will think about what he lost and ever contact me again?

4. If I get asked out, would this make it better or worse if he would see me or find out?

Any other wisdom would really help.

Thanks in advance, Flutter

Flutter, the replies you will et to these questions are bound to be variable as you will receive personal opinions, none of which may be close to the truth, but here goes my opinion!

1. Possible tht this was the reasoning but other possibilities are that he had been putting on afront and this was the "true" him OR he may have started feeling a little "cramped" and thus acted out to get his own space. Last and possibly most sinister reason was he may have been intending to see your reaction and whether you would make the effort from your side to get things on track!! Was it generally a one way thing in that he kept giving and you kept taking???
2. Probably yes, especially if he was a serious about you as your original post indicates....unfortunately the male pride can be a fragile thing and many of us are not willing to put "pride" on the line to come back to a relationship!! Alternatively, he has met someone new who fills the void in his life and he has thus moved on.
3. Think about what has been lost....Yes
Contact you, not sure as this depends alot on the possible reasons for the split or lack of communication to date.
4.Again the reaction could be directly attributed to the male ego and any plans to get together again. My opinion, do not go on a date for "rebound" purposes BUT definitely do not wait around for him to decide on what he wants. You have your own life, get on with it and what is meant to be will be.

Good luck!

[Flutter]

Thanks in advance, Flutter

Learning, thank you so much for your opinion.

Here is one thing that I was really wondering about going out with another guy. I have a chance to go dancing and out with someone. It is only friends and we both know it. We both just love to swing dance. But, what is a guys general reaction if he sees his ex out and he still cares. Does he get real jealous and then call or does it make him angry so that he will refuse to call, even if he cares and that was his intention. If it will make him angry, I just will not go. He has no way of knowing that the guy I am with is just a friend. This town is small enough, that there is a good possibility that he will find out. Please someone let me know your opinion on this.

Thanks again in advance.
Flutter

[Flutter]

Since there are people on this post that seem to care and are really taking time to read, I will tell you a little more. I just did not want to make my first entry to long.

He would always call me when he got where he was arriving or when he got home, if he was traveling on the road for work. This is the only thing that I did ask after a while, even though he started it himself. I had a niece that was killed in an auto accident on the same road that he travels a lot. But all the calling he did when he was all his doings. When those calls came later and later, I started asking questions and wondering if he cared less. I told him this bothered me and showed disrespect to call me real late especially when I had work in the morning, but he still made them later. One time he was out-of-town and I was caring for his dog and I use my lunch hour for this. He arrived home before noon and did not call me. He usually called me no matter what time he arrived. I told him that it was inconsiderate especially since he knew that I used my lunch hour and could have done other things or stayed at work to get things done. About a week later the same thing happened. He arrived home before lunch and no call. I think this would be courteous thing no matter who was caring for your dog, be it a girlfriend or just a neighbor. After this, I told him I was through and could not take any more. I thought about it and realized I thought he was a good guy and maybe I got angry too fast. We decided to stay together, but he was not overly talkative. So I am wondering if thinks that I will eventually come back this time.

There is only one time that he may have indicated what the problem was. He said well, if I would go to the bar with my friends, you would get mad. I told him that this comment was not fair, because he is accusing me of something that has never occurred because one he has never attempted to go to the bar with just the guys since we were dating, two, he never asked if I would care, and three, early on in the relationship, he mentioned that he did not miss going to the bars and just drinking, because he realized that a relationship was what he was missing in his life so why would I encourage something you said you did not want to do. I told him he was reacting to something that was all in his mind and not giving me a chance. He actually said, you are probably right. He usually does not say anything when I am trying to talk about what was going wrong between us. At this time, I assured him that I would not care if he went out with the guys. And I would not. I even started encouraging it a little and he did go once or twice before the break up.

I am positive, that there is not another girl involve.

Above someone was wondering if I was giving as much as he. The answer is yes. Nice notes on his car which he said he liked. I used to call at noon (this kind of started at his request when early on in the relationship it was harder for us to see each other) and after his comment of feeling smothered with him calling me, I mention that I was kind of getting tired of calling at noon because there was not much to say. This kind of bothered him, and he said well I thought it was an opportunity to just say I love you. So I respected that this was important to him and continued, but when I told him his calling was important, he never seemed to care. I planned a real nice get away for his birthday. And the Wednesday before we broke up, he returned from his Uncles funeral that was out-of-town and I found some things to help finish decorating his bathroom and put them up. He said you are awsome and really liked it. We had such a great night that night. It felt like it did in the beginning. Then on Thursday, it started again and Saturday is when it was over. Maybe some of this will put a little more light on the subject for some to give there opinion.

But please do not forget to answer the question that I asked about going out in my above reply! Here is one thing that I was really wondering about going out with another guy. I have a chance to go dancing and out with someone. It is only friends and we both know it. We both just love to swing dance. But, what is a guys general reaction if he sees his ex out and he still cares. Does he get real jealous and then call or does it make him angry so that he will refuse to call, even if he cares and that was his intention. If it will make him angry, I just will not go. He has no way of knowing that the guy I am with is just a friend. This town is small enough, that there is a good possibility that he will find out. Please someone let me know your opinion on this.

[sera300]

Flutter:

Go out and have fun, just go on with your life. As far as his behavior, this is not the way anyone acts when the are committed to a person. For whatever it's worth, just go out and have a good time with friends stop worrying about how it would appear.

[Flutter]

Thanks all!
Still open to more opinions.

Has anyone read that book “Why men like Bitches” according to that book, I was too nice. And is it true that men like all those games this book describes. If so, I am going to give up dating, because I do not like all those game. I would rather be in a relationship and be myself or be single. I read it after this breakup.

[learning]

Some times "too much of a good thing" is not what is needed in a relationship and what you are describing sounds very much that way.

A relationship is all about putting someone else's needs before your own WHAT IT IS NOT, IS IGNORING YOUR OWN NEEDS and this is a destinct danger (and something that may have occurred in your relationship-and possibly from both sides)

I say, get out there and enjoy your self, the reaction of an ex is almost impossible to gauge and seeing you with someone else, irrespective of the relationship, could push him in either direction but you should NOT wait for him.

Move on and enjoy, if he comes back think seriously about the above posts, your feelings and what you want/expect from a relationship.

YOu do not say how old you are or if this is one of your first "serious/longer term" relationships but without sounding condesending it appears as though it may have been.

Move on flutter........

[Flutter]

It’s not my first relationship. I’m in my forties and was married once. I just thought that I finally found true love, someone that wanted the same things as I did and someone that was not into games. I am just trying to figure out what went wrong, because I do not want to go through it again. There are two scenarios that could happen if he comes back.

He acts like he did in the beginning because that is who he really is and how he was acting at the end was just because he was scared and overwhelmed,
Or,
He acts like he did in the beginning because he wants the challenge and just to get me back and the way he acted in the end is who he really is.

This is why I wanted some of the guy’s opinions. I do not want to take him back if he comes back, just to go through it again! I know what I want and it is not someone who was how he was at the end. I want someone who in like he was in the beginning. I do not need the constant romance. I just do not need the games and inconsiderateness and the lack of communication.