have the hots for a reputed promiscuous man

[margieblush]

Okay,this may seem like a no brainer, but it is driving me crazy!

Several years ago, I met a friend thru a friend and on the night that we met, I slept with him and it was hot :D . The very next morning he calls me and I wasn't my most pleasant self. I wanted to apologize to him but couldn't [never asked him for his number]. well, I ended knocked up and I didn't tell him. A mutual friend of ours told him about the pregnancy. I kept the baby and never once asked him for anything. we saw each other in the same parties but avoided the other like the plague.

after a few years of this, we saw each other recently and again, we had hot sex. he asked for my number, again and I gave it to him [never asked him for his digits, again]. he didn't call me this time.[not surprised].

well, about four weeks later i wanted to see him again so thru our mutual friends, I acquired his number [i know bad breach of rules] and we talked, but we only talk if I call him [again, not surprised]. this may be a stupid question but, does this mean that he's not interested?

not once does he give this impression when we talk on the phone; heck, last time we even had phone sex ;) but since I am the one calling him, it makes me feel kind of funny being the "pursuer" but I don't want to cross the line to desperate stalker. well, it isn't like i call him all the time, may be once biweekly [no, i don't do this as a game, it is just that i call only when i want to talk to him].

now, I was planning on visiting his area [we live in different states] and I was hoping to have another round of fun, so i called him twice to see if he was willing and able for a rendezvous; well, he didn't answer. should I call him again or am i wasting my time?

i would hate to have to cut my loses, because it takes me forever to over come my shyness to begin a friends-with-benefits with another person, especially since I already know him and he is pretty promiscuous[he doesn't show this, but our mutual friend has me believe this].

like i said, this may be a no-brainer, but i would be so disappointed to have to start all over [i know that eventually I will have to do this but]; especially since i still have the hots for this one. how can he just leave me hanging like this? i thought that men in general like no-strings attached sex? darn it, as promiscuous as he is reputed to be, what am i doing that is wrong?

i don't want to sound like i am promiscuous because I am not, my sexual partners can still be counted in one hand and with the exception of him, they all were partners in a status quo "normal" relationship. what makes him shine so brightly is that sex with him is so hot and i feel addicted to it. add to the fact that he ignores me this way [i'm attractive and men have been throwing themselves at me since i hit puberty] so it annoys me to no end for him to do this. normally, if it becomes too hard for me to get, i shrug my shoulders and walk away. so it irritates me that i am allowing myself to feel this way!

yes, i became hooked; any suggestions to salvage this; is this even salvageable?

contrary to what my friends believe that i want more than just a friends-with-benefits deal; i actually have no interest more than the hot sex and the fact the he has become the challenge of what i can't get. i know it is sick and twisted, but i should at least be honest. he and i have nothing in common to even remotely start a conversation...it is that he is hot and i have very hot sex with him. I couldn't believe that i slept with him on the same night that i met him [something that i have never done before and to this date haven't done again] when we didn't speak but three words and then we were in a car [of all places] having some hot sex.

should i just cut my loses?:p

[sera300]

You called, he did not return the calls. Don't call again. If you see each other out and want to hook up do it, if not don't.

What are you doing wrong? Pursuing him. Don't, apparently he does not want to be.

Keep it casual if you meet, if you want it & he does do it.

[margieblush]

it is so diffucult to let it go [sob, sob]; but you're right.

one of my friends told me that generally men prefer to "set up" the rules when it becomes a sexual relationship only and that they dislike it when it is a woman who initiates the "set up". she said that what i did wrong was in letting him suspect that all i wanted was sex. i told her that i would have felt wrong in letting him believe that i wanted more than that when i don't; "genius" that i am i thought that a "more open" approach would have kept the situation clear. x/

is it that this was a special case or should i take it as a rule of thumb to "fool" men when all i want is sex?

[sera300]

You don't have to fool anyone. Sex is just sex. When one senses the other is getting attached emotionally usually one will take a break.

Just don't bring the subject up, do what you wish and have fun. If someone looks like they want a relationship & you don't then you have an obligation to saying so, nothing is implied!

[margieblush]

Thanks! Now, all i have to do is to learn to stop intimidating men. lol

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yegods - drop the man already! He knew about his child and did nothing?!?! He's not worth your time and his not returning your phone calls only supports this. He's living in fear that you will pursue him for something in spite of your past behaviour. He's running. Let him go.

It is easy finding good men - ask your friends for referrals or check out the local clubs.

Intimidate them all you want. To heck with their game plan. PFFT - only "small boys" worry about such things and you want the big dogs! Be up front, be yourself, smile and be confident! Promiscuity is a non-issue.

[margieblush]

Very true, but also very difficult when he hit me where it hurts the most, my vanity. I don't want to sound conceited, so please don't get me wrong when I say all of this; I have become accustomed to men throwing themselves at me, either because they find me attractive physically or because I am a "challenge", so it was something new to me which intrigued me and annoyed me simultaneously when he wasn't throwing himself at me.

at first, our friends told me that i had hurt his pride when he called me the very next morning after we did the deed and to his defense, I was very, very unpleasant tha morning. I know that is no excuse, but i was informed by my friend who spoke to him that he was skeptical about my claiming him the father because i knew [according to him] too soon that i was pregnant and also he is deep in the mindset of "if she slept with me and we just met...."

another thing that bothered him was that i didn't pursue him about it and did not make a "public" announcement, this he told me himself later as implying that if i was so sure it was him, why didn't i force the issue. I told him that i don't have force anyone to be a father to my child. I chose to have my child and i know that it is better for the child to not know the father than to know the father and feel not wanted. This is from my own experience with my father, who I wish that i was ignorant of, but that's another story.

I may be wrong about this, but i told him exactly what i felt on the issue, that the pregnancy was a surprise to me as well as it was to him and i chose to keep the baby without expecting anything from him and I still don't expect anything.

I know that it was probably a bad idea to have sex with him again, but the temptation was too much and worth it. All of this time, i could care less about him, we saw each other at parties and i felt nothing not even contempt because honestly i don't feel no ill will towards him. my heart was never in danger and it was a one time deal.

i was surprised at the level of attraction that i felt when i saw him that night and went with the flow. well, it was my stupid self who couldn't stop thinking about it, so i started pursuing him, it was wrong of me, but his technique has improved so it was even better, can you blame me for falling into temptation???

Well, he called me today and asked me what i was up to and gave me the excuse that he was on vacation out of town as his reason why he didn't know i had called. he told me that he will meet with me when i go visiting his state.

I know that i probably shouldn't go for it, but darn it, why not? get out as much as i can while i can, right? LoL, it is the challenge of it and the fact that his good is an added bonus.

yes, it is easy to find good men but i will get to that when i am ready.

even when i am not trying to intimidate them, they feel intimidated; but that's alright, i am comfortable with myself because i don't feel that i shouldn't change that aspect, but that i should change my tactic as to not come accross borderline hostile, because then i am probably also turning away the good men.

bordeline hostile is what was described to me when i asked one of these men who became my friend, i thought that I was being nice, go figure!!!