Perverse Fantasies...

[Ephemera]

I'm sure the title tempted most of you into clicking on this thread...

Well, anyway, I'm in a long distance relationship, and I was on the phone with her last night. She's always been a little bit hesistant in talking about what she likes sexually - she always says she gets off to the man being pleased. I've known for a while that she likes the man to be very dominating, and that works for me, because I'm exactly the same way.

But last night I got fed up and kind of pressed the conversation with her about specific fantasies, desires, etc. She had a little trouble talking about it at first, but once I started things off, things got rolling. I wasn't really surprised by this - and actually I was turned on - but she said that many of her fantasies end up with her being raped. Now, obviously there's a difference between physical rape and the concept of rape. For me, I'm not going to lie - I'm turned on incredibly by the idea of struggle against me. I don't know why - this isn't to say that I could ever actually rape a person. And I'm really not domineering in any other aspect of my life... so it confuses me, I guess.

But is this so perverse? I don't know - I'm going to talk to her more about it tonight. What are your views on it? I know Evil is a dominatrix, but how many more of you are? I don't really know what to think about it - I've tried to kind of train myself to not be aroused by having something struggle against me, but it's what turns me on the most.

[alban lusitanae]

OK first and last warning: rape fantasies are the most dangerous kind, for in the fantasy, not only you have pleasure, you have subconcious control over the rapists projected image, even if it actually IS raping you in the fantasy. What this means is there is no fear, consequence or actual SUBMISSION in the teasing fantasy. NEVER allow this fantasy to grow. You have been warned.

On the other fantasies always remember a Depeche Mode song called Master and Servant, and a Rammstein song where tehy say "Sex is a battle, love is was". Sex, being a primordial act, is aggressive in nature. However, one has to remain in control of our functions and never let the Inner Beast take over.

That's what triggers the well-known phrase: "God, what have I done?". Fantasies are great, seasoned with rational locks. Think about it.

And any dominatrix will tell you: the submisse retains all the true power.
And now I hope Evil doesn't cut me to hamburguers for this...

[Ephemera]

Again - I don't have rape fantasies. She said that she does. I would totally be in to role playing something like that. I get off more to someone trying to be dominant, and me suppresing that and making said person the submissive. Bleh - I don't know.

And of course, this would all be an act in a relationship between two people who care about each other in a very romantic sense; I guess that's what's kind of weird about it for us, because we're both very emotional people in the romantic sense, but we both have our dark little fantasies.

[sera300]

I do no think it's an "odd" fantasy. I think there are times when our minds get into things like this. I have thought about it with the last person I had a long term relationship with...he just was not dominant so never tried it. It's not the thought of it being a "rape" (an act of violence) rather having him do whatever he wished to me in a rough way.

[alban lusitanae]

Precisely. The roughness of a sex act. What I was warning about was the possibility of someone putting herself in the position of the fantasized rape actually happening for real due to that desire! Because it has happened in this country, and I won't go into the details of what happened afterwards...

[sera300]

I believe the difference is the degree of trust with a partner. If I was with my ex-husband, there would be no issue. Choosing someone you have no idea of their true boundry's is risky. One time Evil posted about when do you marry a person. Her answer was similar to only after you have seen him/her; cry, scream, loose their temper, their maximum compassion and anger and degree of violence.

I believe too often in the scenario as the OP mentioned, as I, the term "rape" is used synonymously with their want to be taken over 100% by their lover. I do not feel it's domination; it's giving into an impulse of having your man pulling your clothes off and having his way with you which is the turn on, not a "rape" since rape is an act of violence. We just want a rather kinky experience where no regard is given to our wants or needs at that moment; we just want to see them having "us" anyway they want with an element of surprise.

[khatzeen]

i'm no expert at sex being a virgin and all, but wouldn't the woman's fantasy of being "taken" serverly reduce the stimulation to the female? wouldn't the guy just get his and be done (i wouldn't because its rude)?

[Ephemera]

Depends on the person - there are naturally "submissive" people, sexually speaking.

[sera300]

If it's a fantasy for the woman then it would turn her on. It's similar to having a quickie, it happens quick and rarely but those still are a turn-on. Short & sweet.

[eminatic]

haha your girlfriend sounds exactly like me XD

however i've made a recent realization...
i always used to be against sexual positions or acts that were degrading to women...but when i started having sex with my current boyfriend i started to actually crave it. like...actually wanting him to tell me what to do/take control etc...
I realized that this is entirely dependant on the fact that i trust him completely. meaning in handing over control to him, i trust him not to abuse that power (if that makes any sense)