is he a player?

[cat0004]

I started seeing a guy who I think I really like..but there is something making me very leary. Even though we've only been dating 3 weeks, he only wants to get together during the week or on a Sunday night. I hate to be the suspicious type, but I figure he must have a steady relationship with someone else. We are still getting to know each other so I don't want to act possessive in any way but It makes me wonder about his character. or.. what the heck, If I want to date others I can do so as well. But shouldn't there be some honesty about it?

[alban lusitanae]

It's suspicious, I agree, but hey. You have to chose: either face him with it or say nothing. I vote for the first.

[sera300]

If you are dating for 3 weeks, no don't ask, he is dating someone else on Fri/Sat. Unless one of you have brought up being exclusive (which is too early) and agreed to it, the rules are date others until you decide you wish to be a couple.

Are you sure he does not have a significant other who comes to visit or returns home on the weekends?

[cat0004]

I think he may have a sig. other but your right, it's too soon to ask. I'm going to let it go FOR NOW. Another week or 2, then I move on.

[sera300]

Does he tell you what he is doing on Fri/Sat? Or is it just a non-issue?

[cat0004]

Last friday he said he was "wiped out " and staying in. I asked him if he is only available on weekdays and he said he usually likes to meet up with his buddies on Saturdays. Sounds like B.S. to me..
He is a very good looking guy...only 4 years younger that I , but a great body. Many women go after him and I refuse to be one of those women. I like talking to him. We can spend a half hour on the phone(which is a lot for me, I am not a phone person) we talk about so many things and he says he loves talking to me. I'm just really angry with myself for having sex with him soon. I never do that but did with him and think I made a mistake. Like you Sera 300,I am also a nurse and also in my 40's so maybe you can relate to what I'm saying. I slept with the guy too soon. I think that makes a guy lose respect for a woman, don't you?

[sera300]

Honestly, I agree he's w/someone on the side. It happens! As far as the sex? I don't believe it makes a difference. Not having it is not going to make him change his behavior or to gain respect for you either. I do not believe waiting too long is good either since I have found that sexual incompatibility becomes the issue--especially at 40! That's a whole nother story!

But I usually date those who I have a great interest in and have spoke with for sometime. When I spend time dating a person, I want to know all about them, even sexually. If I casually date, different story.

I am also in my 40's, a nurse, (41) married twice and divorced twice. NY'er too! Been through the BS of these guys! I have learned to either date many and not be involved or be very selective and intimate.

Perhaps what he picked up on was you appeared to be too available? And he took advantage of it?

[cat0004]

I am married twice and divorced twice also....we have much in common...So let me ask you this.....He wants to see me tomorrow evening(Sunday), Should I not be too "available?" and let it go a week?

[sera300]

If you want to see him go. If you have just begun to see each other (3 weeks) I would see what happens for next week. Meaning, if you like him spend some time w/him but don't always do it on his terms & in his boundry's. See what he has to say about next weekend. Just bring up, oh such and such is happening Fri/Sat how about going? See his reaction and his subsequent actions.

I don't know how you met, on-line or in person. He may have made other commitments prior to you, he may have other things to do but he could also have someone else. If he jumps on getting together Tues, Thurs, etc. I would say for one of the days, "I have other plans".

[cat0004]

Thanks for your advice.......By the way ... he and I met in divorce court!!!!!!!
very funny, I think. And his mom was very ill so he called me twice a day for 2 weeks for my opinion(Because I am a nurse, as you know), I just felt like I KNEW him after talking with him for 2 weeks straight. His mom died 4 days ago of lung CA. so I'm trying to give him some slack here. But you are right. Next week I will only be available on Friday or Saturday. Gn