Confused about what she wants

[Thelema]

Sorry for the long post

I'm confused about what my girlfriend exactly wants. We have been dating for 2 months and a while ago we agreed to take it slow. I'm a virgin and she has a lot of previous sexual experience. We've talked about sex and my first time and she's asked me how I want it to be. She's said things to me like she might want to try giving me head (she never has before) but to not expect her to. She jokes about us having sex and tells me about dreams she's had about it. She tells me how she's masturbated to us having sex. She complains to her friend that I won't do anything sexual when she knows I have no experience. She gives me crap about how I'm supposed to be a reliable source for sex or whatever since she apparently has a lot of trouble getting off on her own.

All this makes me think she wants to have sex but she doesn't give me the opportunity to do anything. We hang out with her best friend Morgan most of the time and I won't do anything with him there. We also hang out at her house with her parents there and they obviously check in on us. Thats pretty much all we do and I don't understand how its my fault for not doing something by now.

I want to do something but it confuses me since she doesn't give me the opportunity and makes me think she really doesn't want to do anything yet. On the other hand she has told me not to expect her to make the first move so maybe she's too afraid. She's told me before how what we have is special to her and she doesn't want to ruin things by doing something and screwing things up. When we first started dating we were too afraid to even touch one another and her mom told me I'm the only one that has made her this nervous before and she's usually the take charge kind of girl except with me.

So I'm really confused if I should try something or not. Should I just ask her what she wants? How could I bring it up without freaking her out? Should I just try to make a move? I don't want to mess things up.

[emilie]

Honey, she doesn't know what she wants.... to many games in that relationship for it to be solid.

She's most likely the 'boss' in this relationship for the first time and wants to make all the rules, problem is she doesn't know what rules to make, so she's making it up as she goes along.

Walk away and find another inexperienced girl, don't give your virginity to someone that won't treat it with the respect it deserves.

[EvilEvilKitten]

This is what she wants you to do - she wants you to grow a set, step up, and set up a date, time and place, for you two to have sex. Set it up.

If she backs out, then ditch her, because then emilie will be right.
If she goes through with it - enjoy!!

Basically this has been a test and thus far, you're failing!
Take charge man!

[Engage!]

OK, you have to take charge. First of all, don't press the sex! If you want a real relationship, become her friend first and foremost, then the rest will come in good time. By being a good friend, you will get to know her, then like her, and finally you might fall in love. Two months doesn't equal love! And I disagree with E.E.K. on this one. You don't just ditch someone because they aren't ready soon enough for what you want. I had a loving and close relationship with a girl for nearly two years, and the topic of sex only came up once.

I do agree with E.E.K. on this point - set a date. Find a place, and get away from her friend Morgan and her parents. Parents are guaranteed to kill any new romantic relationship. Go out someplace and RELAX. Don't try to bed the girl, but get to know her. Find common ground, and talk. Talking is the key.

A final sign that your relationship is going somewhere (or nowhere): Do you have fun just being with her? Can you go to the grocery store for a head of cabbage and a gallon of milk and have a great time laughing all the way to the checkout line while people in the store wonder what's wrong with you? When you reach that point, where the mundane events become special for no other reason than because she's with you, you've hit the right point. If you haven't, you need to work on it.


HOWEVER -- on the legalistic smackdown side of things, she has to quit giving you crap about the sex stuff. Tell her that it's either yes or no, but recommend setting the topic aside for a while. Also inform her that it's not kind to talk about the sexual side of the relationship with people who know both of you. This relationship will either be a casual hookup or an attempt at lasting love. I'd recommend attempting the latter.

Hope that wasn't too long or convoluted......

[EvilEvilKitten]

Engage! - whether you ditch them or not depends upon the purpose of the relationship - and this one doesn't seem terribly viable because she's testing him. If it were really and truly "love", she'd not be treating him the way she is. Hence my telling him to tell her "step up or get lost".

[Thelema]

Thanks guys

She broke up with me...I don't really feel like talking about it right now but she was confused and we've taken more of a break and I've decided to wait for her to figure things out

[Westles]

Why wait for her? you should be moving on with your life now mate, dont mess around waiting for her, she may not call you. Think of the positive things that have come from this, experience etc.

Dont wait for her, its very unlikely that she will come back, shes made the decision for a reason.

[Ephemera]

Definitely go out and date other people. Either you'll realize that she wasn't right for you, or you'll figure out that she was incredible. Either way, win-win, right?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Well, not the girl for you then!

Now get out there and find at least three who might be more suitable!