different body shapes...having a spot of trouble

[bluto]

I am a 5'7", 140 lbs. male, and a runner and a swimmer.
The love of my life is 5'8" 190-200 lbs.

I have no trouble pleasing her. While she loves intercourse with me, I know I can't make her achieve that way (she says she has never been able to) and so I make up for it in other ways (I love providing oral and digital stimulation).

My problem is that it is takes me a while to climax myself...even with intercourse. While the sex is very enjoyable, we are limited in positions because of body shapes. I would have some trouble supporting her on top. I am afraid my inability or the long time that I take to reach orgasm may hurt her feelings. I truly love this person with every fiber of my being. It's not a problem of arousal...I am erect the entire time and feel very sexy (and I know she does too), but I think there is some anxiety that is blocking my ability to reach an orgasm.

Is there anything I can do? Has anyone else had this problem?

[sera300]

Have you ever encouraged her to loose weight for reasons other then sex, such as health benefits?

Perhaps you are not having an orgasm through intercourse due to the additional padding?

Have you though about what is causing your anxiety?

[bluto]

She is the first person I have ever had sex with. That may be part of the anxiety.

There are moments when it feels unbelievable...really really good...I don't think it's an extra padding problem either.

I don't think she needs to lose weight. She is not obese...

[sera300]

But only you can figure out why this is causing you anxiety! Because she is your first? What is wrong with that?

As far as weight, 5'8" and 190-200 lbs is obese just not morbidly obese. If you love her you obviously want her around for a good long time. Health concerns can diminish this possibility. Take her out for walks with you it's also a good time to spend time together and to bond!

[bluto]

Nothing is wrong with it, but I just can't seem to reach climax. I am not even sure if that's the reason. Like I said, I can't figure out if it is mental, physical, or if I am just terrible in bed.

I generally prefer to stroke fast to achieve climax, but I have trouble doing that also because of our differences in body shape. Also, it is hard for me sometimes to "feel" where I am and I end up slipping out. I did pick up some tips in the positions section about using pillows...maybe that will work.

[sera300]

Pillows work wonders as does lying (her) on the edge of the bed with her bottom at the very end and you standing. It allows you to spread her legs well and to stimulate her clitoris at the same time.

I often harp on weight management & a healthy lifestyle since when you love someone dearly you do not want them to succumb to disease. It gets worse when we age. She may never wish to jog but she may find it easier to orgasm if she is in shape. The body is a machine, when it's fine tuned it works wonders. I have also found through the years weight training gives an added bonus!

Perhaps you are focusing too much on not having an orgasm which is making the situation worse due to anxiety? The more we worry about it the harder it is to achieve.

[bluto]

Originally Posted by sera300

Perhaps you are focusing too much on not having an orgasm which is making the situation worse due to anxiety? The more we worry about it the harder it is to achieve.

I suspect that this is a huge part of the problem...which is probably in part due to inexperience.

Second, we live apart...in different cities I mean. It is an LDR right now because of job situations (but hopefully won't be for long), and we meet up twice a month - it is about a three hour drive for me to meet her. When we do get together, we do a lot of walking...that's something we love to do. And I know she is trying to lose weight too, but I certainly wouldn't push it on her...I have essentially told her that I love her regardless and she should do what makes her happy.

[sera300]

Originally Posted by bluto

I suspect that this is a huge part of the problem...which is probably in part due to inexperience.

Second, we live apart...in different cities I mean. It is an LDR right now because of job situations (but hopefully won't be for long), and we meet up twice a month - it is about a three hour drive for me to meet her. When we do get together, we do a lot of walking...that's something we love to do. And I know she is trying to lose weight too, but I certainly wouldn't push it on her...I have essentially told her that I love her regardless and she should do what makes her happy.

Agreed, a partner who pushes is over the top. But you would be surprised what some encouragement and NOTICING the 3 lb weight loss does for our egos. Of course you will love her regardless!

It sounds as if you have little time together, you have time to think about the matter, then when in the position (knowing it has not worked before) you produce more anxiety! Inexperience, don't sweat it. It takes time to get comfortable.

[HardNgood]

Yah yah, if you really want help, try this site, it really really really works and it is a life style change. Things only get BETTER for both!...you can try and support her in love and in bed...but as true partner you will support her through this program http://www.drbdiet.com/

[bluto]

I'm sorry, but what makes this program better than any other scheme advertised on late night cable or hawked by washed up actors and game show hosts?

I care about her health, but I am going to let her find her own way towards fitness. I see that she is working towards it, and that is proof enough for me.