confused, horribly (long story)

[zak062]

Hi, im new, first post .

So i've been dating this girl for over 3 months now and i've been having some problems latley, mainly with sex. I'll start from the begining.

I've known this girl for over a year and had a crush on her since i met her. Im one of those "she wont even look at me" guys. We would talk occasionaly until about 4 months ago when i come home and shes at my house. Apparently she was friends with my sister and they were smoking weed, kindof funny to walk into your house and see the girl you've like for a while smoking a bowl. HA.

Anyways we started hanging out more, mainly getting high and such. One day i decided to go for it when my sister had to leave to go to work early. Honestly, im not the kind of guy who just "goes" for it mainly cuz im pretty insecure. Well lets just say thinks turned out good and for a few weeks we fooled around until we decided to go out. Now the day after we started going out is the day we first had sex. It was one of those things where i knew i would end of loving this girl. After about 2 months we did say the "magic" words.

The first month and a half of the relationship was awsome. We didn't spend a moment away from each other and we where having sex 2 or 3 times a day. Then one day, it all just came to a hault. She kind of changed, it was weird. She didn't really want to have sex anymore, or do anything such a forplay, or even make out. It was one excuse after another and after 2 weeks it really got to me so i finaly had a talk with her.

First she told me shes really been having a bad couple months, which she really had nothing to complain about compared to my last 2 months. Then she told me she was afraid of getting pregnant, but she wasn't pregnant and had her period after the last time we had sex. I re-assured her that we were extremly safe (condom and pull out) and that she has nothing to worry about. She told me to give her time... so i gave her month. Which brings me to about a weeka go.

I had another talk with her again and we some how managed having sex for the first time in a month and a half. So the next day i try to have sex with her again and she shoves me off and tells me "no"...?! And she does this again the next day, and the next day, etc... till yesterday when we have sex again. But today she does the same thing, shoves me off and tell me no. Out of my anger i kindof get really pissed and tell her that i want things back to how it was. She tells me it cant because things change. And i told her i want the girl back that i said i love you to or i cant deal with this relationship.

She basicly freaked out, starting crying, i felt like an ass, etc.... We have another talk, she tells me she doesn't want to have sex "all the time" anymore because its not "magical" if we have sex "all the time". Her defination of "all the time" is more than once a week.

I honestly dont think i can go from a transition from sex 2 times a day, till sex once a week. I've been trying for a month, ands its not working. What can i do to help her, to make it more magical. Im a very very affectionate guy, i tell her that i love her all the time, thats shes beautiful, the shes the one that gets me out of bed in the morning etc... Its not like im insensative, i love the girl to death, but i cant deal with wut shes putting me through. What can i do?

Thanks ahead of time

[demonbuttercup]

I don't know... maybe she's losing interest in the relationship?
Maybe she really is afraid of getting pregnant?

It is a real fear..and no matter that you say you use condoms and pull out..there is always a chance...the condom could split..etc.

I've had 1 good pregnancy scare.. and I was turned off from sex for awhile!!!

Plus, I mean I can see where she's coming from about the 2 times a day thing. There will be women on the board who love sex as much as the next man and could have 5 times a day (EEK
but I'll tell you from my experience.
When my b/f and I first moved in together..and it was still kinda new...we had it twice a day everyday for like 2-3 wks...then once a day....then every other day....then twice a week...now it's probably once a month and we've been together 5 yrs.
I'll admit I am not that sexual of a person...and I've discussed in threads before. I orgasm everytime and it feels good...so another poster couldn't understand why I didn't want to do it everyday...
I just dont! I mean the small amount of time I do see my b/f.... he works late.. are sometimes better spent doing other things... we usually make time on the weekends though.

You just have to decide if you can live w/ this "decline"
Don't get pissed at her.... just try to be patient and maybe she will tell you the REAL reason! If not...then move on buddy

[emilie]

She could be doing a number of things.

Her interest level in you has worn of from the 'honeymoon' stage, she's either too scared or unsure how to break it off.

She's had something happen in her life that has made her fearful of getting pregnant. It may seem trivial to you, but it's made her fear sex.

or

She thinks the only thing you're interested in is sex, and feels like she's being used for your pleasure. By your own admission, your problem is the lack of sex you're getting. So far you've only told us how your relationship is based on the amount of sex you're getting.

My advice? If she's the type of girl who's actions have mirrored what she's said in the past you need to ask her what the real issue is and lay your cards on the table.
If not, control your libido and try to restrain yourself from sex with her. Tell her that while sex is important to you, it's not the basis of your realationship and an emotional connection with her feelings taken into account is more important.

However, if you see no future with this girl and feel that sex is the only thing you have in common.. break up with her before she starts to blame herself and become bitter (if you care about her at all)

[demonbuttercup]

Originally Posted by emilie

She thinks the only thing you're interested in is sex, and feels like she's being used for your pleasure. By your own admission, your problem is the lack of sex you're getting. So far you've only told us how your relationship is based on the amount of sex you're getting.

My advice? If she's the type of girl who's actions have mirrored what she's said in the past you need to ask her what the real issue is and lay your cards on the table.
If not, control your libido and try to restrain yourself from sex with her. Tell her that while sex is important to you, it's not the basis of your realationship and an emotional connection with her feelings taken into account is more important.

However, if you see no future with this girl and feel that sex is the only thing you have in common.. break up with her before she starts to blame herself and become bitter (if you care about her at all)

Indeed!!
msg too short

[HardNgood]

She probably quit smoking dope and saw reality! She obviously doesn't like what she sees! Looks like your OUT!

[demonbuttercup]

Originally Posted by HardNgood

She probably quit smoking dope and saw reality! She obviously doesn't like what she sees! Looks like your OUT!

LOL
doh!
That's awful!

[Brandye]

But, oh, so possible!!

[zak062]

Originally Posted by emilie

She could be doing a number of things.
My advice? If she's the type of girl who's actions have mirrored what she's said in the past you need to ask her what the real issue is and lay your cards on the table.
If not, control your libido and try to restrain yourself from sex with her. Tell her that while sex is important to you, it's not the basis of your realationship and an emotional connection with her feelings taken into account is more important.

I have had multiple talks with her on what her issue is. She was afraid of getting pregnant, but i dont think thats whats on her mind anymore. I have been trying to restrain myself from having sex with her to prove that it is not sexual. At first, i can see the relationship as being sexual, but for the last 2 months, it hasn't really been about the sex.

I know this girl wouldn't leave me if her life depended on it. She gets way to attatched too easily. And btw hard, she still smokes.