*Warning long story* Very Very Confusing girl

[Skullyjones]

alright so umm i don't know how to really start this off.
but im having serious girl issues.
i have typically fallen for this girl pretty hard now.
umm ok so let me start from the begging.
first off at my high school i guess u could say im that guy that hits on girls...all the time. not the best motive i know but its better than sitting around wondering to myself "o..i like her, does she like me?".
now this girl from the moment i met her i knew that i wouldn't want any other girl.
so i met her through a friend of mine that deals weed. hes a freshman and so is she so they know each other, I'm a Junior in High school.
He said "o ya that girl is hot as hell, her name is Chynna, but shes soooo prude."
i was like whatever ima try
i go up introduce myself and she said "...O thats nice" and walks away.
i could tell she found me attractive since she looked back after i turned around.
so we didn't really talk that much except for the occasional "cat call".
i go to this club party one weekend. Huge messy line, someone pokes me on my back, i turn around and there she is. she smiles, she looks gorgeous.
i keep her company while we're in the line, after she gets in. she apparently waits for me at the door. we go and sit on the couch in the back, we talk about absolute bull**** for like an hour, she is sending signs saying "kiss me" and then sending signs saying "get the **** away from me" eventually we start making out. a few days later i talk to her and ask her if she regrets it.
she said no but shes starting to.talking online alot, she first starts asking about a girl that i like. I told her i didn't like that girl anymore because she plays mind games, we decided to go to this party thats happening that upcoming weekend, inthe end she wasn't able to go and while i was at the party she asks if we could "just be friends" which completely shatters me. She started to feel bad and was about to cry cuz she could tell i was pissed, I told her that "Its alright, I'll be fine, If thats what you want then I'm fine with it. If your happy, I'm happy and I'd rather have you in my life as a friend then not at all". Later on we start talking about drugs and usage since theres alot of that in a rich school like ours. (Beverly Hills High) She eventually starts attacking me and confronting me about my "addiction" to Marijuana, I told her i would stay sober for her, she said "don't do it for me, do it for yourself" and we start talk for a good hour and a half. we determined after much deliberation that what happened at the club party was a mistake and just a pure sexual attraction. Now last week i called her and she didn't pick up. she messages me on my phone and says its better to call her on the weekends so she has time to talk. So that saturday i call her and she picks up but says shes at a photo shoot and shes busy the whole day. o did i mention shes a model/actress/singer and filthy stinkin rich. ok so then i called her on Monday, no answer. she txts me and says and i quote "U know..If some1 doesn't call u back theres a 99% chance they did not lose ur number. The person just doesn't want to talk.. "
i replayed by saying "Its cool, I just thought that if we talked it would help us grow closer, but watever, have a good day "
I don't know wat to do now. Shes all I think about. and I can't get her off my mind. I've basically put everything i have on the line at this time. I've turned down all the girls i have had a chance with for her, I've been sober for 2 weeks and i don't know if she knows it.
i need some advice quickly.
plz help and thanx a bunch

Skully.

[dancingdoc2]

Hello, Skully,
There are a lot of matters all intertwined in your post.

Let's begin with the last one. Have you layed off the weed because of her or because of you wanting to be all that you can be? You can tell her of your fourteen plus day sobriaty; however, it probably won't have much impact to her or another girl until you can say fifty two weeks clean. If and when you begin dating someone else, later, and you are still not smokin' then I would not bring the subject up, at least during the early stages of a relationship.

The teen years are a decade long. It takes this long to transmute the body and the mind from that of a child into that of an adult. At your respective ages, there is a hugh difference in maturity and experience. I'd be friends with her if the two of you want this; however, she is too young to be dating in my never to be so humble opinion--and, this means both casually and committed. I recommend dating someone your own age. Once you go off to college there is a very good chance that any "relationship" would end because of differences in interest and objectives.

I do not think a person is ready to date until at least 17; this is the school of thought I subscribe to. Do you not see the drama in your story? This can only likely escalate should the two of you decide to date exclusively. Dating should be all about learning what humanity has to offer and gaining experience with the other gender and learning how to deal with the likes, dislikes, morals, character, values, religions, interests, etc., of others.

(I'll come back later to day and add to this. Right now I'm off to work.)

Pt. II

> u could say im that guy that hits on girls...all the time. not the best motive i know but its better than sitting around wondering to myself "o..i like her, does she like me?".

My understanding of "hitting" on a girl was always selfserving even though you are interested in knowing if she/they like you. In and of itself this is OK; however, the rest of your story seems to be selfserving. Here's what I mean:

> at my age...saying that you've gone out with an absolutely gorgeous model/actress is a proud thing to say.

What's wrong with just finding a person you personally find attractive, interesting, bright, intriguing, alluring, plus all the other characteristics that make up a person, independent of pedigree?

> did i mention shes a model/actress/singer and filthy stinkin rich.

Is this her money or family money, home, and status? What about you, how do you stack up?

> Shes all I think about. and I can't get her off my mind. I've basically put everything i have on the line at this time.

OK, so your "stuff" is on the line, so what? You haven't lost anything except time and effort and maybe a few dollars; go find another "line" and place your "stuff" on this one and the next one and so on and on, this is the purpose of dating done the correct way.

> I've turned down all the girls i have had a chance with for her

Asked and answered.

> Shes all I think about. and I can't get her off my mind.

You may or may not ever completely forget about her; however, in time you will find a balance. The best thing you can do is to date lots of others. As you do you will find some rememberable, memerable, and forgetable. This is the nature of the dating game. Just move on after each with the idea at this stage of life of having fun without drama. In a few years the purpose will be to learn what type of person would make a good mate. The more you date the better able it will be to find her and for you to recognize when her when you see her. So, for the time being, date without committment. The more people you date the more chance you will have to meet people, do things, and learn about others.

[sera300]

I read your post & Doc's...he sums up the issues well. There is too much drama and on top she is not mature, trust me she will just turn your life upside down in a bad way...you both have major differences in values. Be friends, let it go.

[HardNgood]

I think they'll make a movie out of this story!

[alban lusitanae]

Actually they already did 2 series on this:

Beverly Hills 90210
Freaks and Geeks

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway...

You must fix yourself first, then try to do something else.
You are suffering from karmic return. Which is a B****, but hey, learn from it.
Just keep changing for the better and let her see that, not in promises to her, but in actions taken. 15 days? Mate, lay off altogether. It won't get you anywhere... Well, it will, but you don't want to go there...

[Uncle Ben]

Just get over her man. She is obviously not mature enough to know what she wants; thus the mindgames will inexorably start, and it looks like they already have. Cut off ties with her if you still want your sanity, go out and get laid if get over it.

[Skullyjones]

it seems like the only option to drop her but still
as i said before
all the other girls i've basically said i don't want them and never will (dumbass move) also its extremely hard to stay sober for me since i've been smoking it everyday for the past 2 years and i've been smoking off and on since 7th grade.
so as u can see it can be a problem
so i guess i went all in and now im broke .

[sera300]

You have to kick the habit along the way, no time better then now. As far as not wanting other's, I think you just want this one b/c you cannot have her.

[Skullyjones]

it seems that way lol
but i mean...at my age...saying that you've gone out with an absolutely gorgeous model/actress is a proud thing to say.
plus thinking that i've made-out with her means that shes attracted to me
so basically in my head i've got physical attraction down, now its juss time to build an emotional bond. but wow i must've screwed up so many times. lol

[Uncle Ben]

Basically she was physically attracted to you at one point, and now it's gone. One thing I have learned is you can never reason or persuade a female to like you; after they are not attracted to you anymore it simply won't happen again. Once women get some ideas in their head, nothing will change it, not even the smoking gun which proves beyond any doubt at all, and this applies to all sorts of things, not just their feelings. In situations like this they don't use their head because they only use their hearts, which is why using logic will get you nowhere, fast.

And remember that girls that age are predominantly attention grubbing freaks; they will try to get attention any way they can, which includes but is not limited to leading guys on and playing games with their heart. It's sounds cruel, but it's the harsh reality.

Oh yeah, you need to lay off the tree. I know it feels good being stoned and getting away from everything while relieving stress and enjoying yourself, but you are going to have to grow up, and drop it at some point anyway. Even though it is not chemically addicting, it can and will destroy your life if you don't control it; I know plenty of people who have had this happen to them.