Sex and Dating

[khatzeen]

This is going to be an odd question. First i'd like to start by saying i'm not currently in a relationship. I have had some serious health issues which are not apparent to the naked eye. As a result i had a rough childhood and would not like to see it repeated (ie from the parents prospective).

With that said, I would still like to date and find someone to love. My friends who are married/dating are much happier than they ever were single.

Now to the question (sorry the lengthy background). Is it possible to have a good loving relationship without vaginal intercourse? would it be too wierd to just finger her or use a dildo? I don't want any chance of pregnacy because i don't want to have to watch another person go through what i did especially if it would be my fault.

The meaning behind the question is "do i try to find someone who can live with this or just live in solitude?"

[sera300]

I don't know what you mean as far as being ill as a child, meaning the extent or your illness. First, only you need to know if this is genetic and what the percentages of the illness/disease being passed on. Probably not on your mind right now, just keep it in mind for your future.

If you do not want to risk having a child, certainly you can do as you suggest but consider other alternatives as time goes on and the right person is in your life. Meaning, strict use of birth control by you and your partner will eliminate such risks. This does not mean you discuss your reasons with the person upfront, they are your personal wishes. However, when the time presents it's self consider her using hormonal BC methods and you using a condom. And be firm on the subject.

For now, go out and have some fun. Don't isolate yourself into seclusion to live as a hermit.

[khatzeen]

thats a good point, i don't know why i was in a somber mood last night. Thanks

[Uncle Ben]

A vasectomy is pretty cheap, and is reversible. Birth control pills are even cheaper.

[Newtolove]

yes you can have yourself "done" if you feel that strongly about it, but do check to see if your problems are genetically passable, I have a "hair lip and cleff pallet" I inherited it from my father and my mum was probably a sane carrier so I know my children too if any will possibly have it, luckily it is easier to treat than once I think my dad went through a horrible time when people were that ignorant to think that having a physical problem also meant you weren't intelligent.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Strict condom usage on your part combined with BCP usage on her part should keep pregnancy at bay. Sooner or later all loving relationships require physical expression of that love.

[emilie]

Khatzeen,
Yes it is possible. I'm currently dating someone and I'm the one that has the problem.
I was friends with him before we started a relationship. I needed that trust and basis of friendship before I can have a relationship with anybody.

I don't want kids either, have problems with intercourse (painful and never been pleasurable) and it cost me a husband (he assumed I would change my mind) I had a bad childhood as well.

You need to make it clear that kids is out of the question and you have hesitations about intercourse.
While you can get the snip and there is other forms of birth control, nothing is as 100% effective as abstinence.

Make sure you discuss this with her. Let her know that if by some unfathonable reason she gets pregnant, abortion would be expected.

I know it may sound tough to alot of people, but I share your fears and can relate to them fully.

Most will turn you away, as your straight forwardness may be a little frightning to some. But there are women out there that truly don't want kids at any cost and would be happy not having that pressure laid on them by a partner.

[Newtolove]

vasco-whatever it is called (cutting the tubes from the tests to stop sperm being ejaculated) I beleive is 100 % good and as the sperm are an unociceble part of the seminal fluid nothing will appear to have changed the case is just finding a woman that does not want children

[khatzeen]

thanks for the suggestions. i'm not sure what i'm going to do yet but you have given me many ideas. thanks.