Dealing with different sex drive levels

[Engage!]

OK, so I'm new to this forum and not sure where to post this....

I've been an an unofficial relationship with a girl for the past year or so. We're not really boyfriend-girlfriend since we've both been burned in past relationships. I've known her for nearly seven years and we were good friends long before anything romantic started up.

My problem is that we never want sex at the same time. I wouldn't say that I have a low sex drive, but I keep it under control. She doesn't, and there are times (and in odd locations...) where she'll just take her clothes off and say "Do me." She also says she loves me, but I find that the more I get emotionally attached to her, the less I want to have sex with her.

So, what should I do? Is it normal?

[sera300]

I think you need to examine why you don't want sex when getting emotionally attached. Look at your past (relationships) and figure the answer out. Maybe it's fear of commitment???

[Engage!]

Before this girl, I was truly in love with my first girlfriend. She and I had a relationship that lasted nearly two years, and we never had sex (in fact, we never even thought about it.) I feel that I would have married her, but she moved and died soon afterward. It's been three years, I'm still getting over that. I don't get attached to people easily, and I'm unsure of whether I love the girl I'm with now. I guess in my mind I connect abstinence with true love.

[sera300]

Talk with a counselor about it, you need to find out what's happening and how to move on with your life.

[khatzeen]

I dont know how to say the following without being crude so please excuse my language.

1. talk to her about it. you can never solve a relationship problem without doing so. Try asking her why she gets turned on in thoes "odd" places you mentioned.

2. Stop masterbaiting until she wants to have sex again. Try doing this till your more "in phase" with her desires.

I however have no advice i can offer for the emotional aspect. My best friend died a year or so back and i've been screwed up ever since. like sera mentioned, seeing a consuler would be worth while.

[Engage!]

As for # 1, she doesn't really know why she gets turned on. It just happens. Sometimes it's nice, other times it's weird. In or on the car seems to be her favorite, and also in the kitchen. However, there was also one time where she got turned on going through airport security (and we later ended up doing it on the flight)

I don't think that #2 is a problem, because when I need sexual release I go for her, rather than for my hand.


One good thing, though: she's more comfortable with me than anyone else ever. Part of her sexual willingness is that she is absolutely uninhibited and finds it natural to tell me when she wants sex.

[EvilEvilKitten]

The problem isn't her - it is in your head. You need to speak to a medical professional ASAP. Sex is not "bad" and "true love" does not equal abstinence - far, far from it.

Please get help - you are missing out on so very much!